Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece(15) is saying my DS is Trans!?

497 replies

upsideup · 04/03/2018 11:25

My 15 year old niece added me on facebook this morning, she doesnt live in the UK and is comming to stay with us in a few weeks and as I havent seen her for almost a year I had a quick look down her facebook page just to see what she looked like now and what she was up to and about 2 weeks ago she posted a short video on trans children which I havnt actually watched because I was too annoyed by the comment she had posted with is basically saying:
'Aww my cousin is transgender (MTF) and she is the most beautiful, loved and accepted little girl, she's lucky that she has such a good family around her but not all children are so lucky, so many transgender children are ignored and not listened to and so are not able to be who they truly are.... I will fight anyone who tries to suggest that my cousin is anything less than a girl. It was much longer than that but thats the general message and the most relevant things. There's almost 20 comments from her friends saying how lucky she (my son) is to have an amazing accepting cousin like her and how great it is that she(my son) is able to be herself (himself).

Now we have had the 'is he trans?' 'are you sure he isnt trans?' comments from family members before but have always just said no, hes fine, we have dealt with it, he just likes pink, he just wants long hair etc and thought that had been accepted and dropped. Hes not transgender, hes a 4 year boy that has blond shoulder length hair who likes wearing anything sparkly or glittery and playing makeup/dolls/dressing up with his big sisters. We have also added an 'y' to the end of his name because he wanted to but this doesnt even make it a 'girls' name it just makes it a cuter nickname for his boys name and he was the only one out of his siblings whose name didnt end it 'y' anyway but shes used this to imply we are letting him live as a girl.

I am furious that she thinks she can talk about my son publicly online like this without my permission and that what she is saying is all lies, I dont know whether its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends or what.

WIBU to comment on the post saying actually he is a boy and I dont know why you would need to lie about him? Or am I going to have to be an adult and either ignore this or try and deal with it privately throught her parents? Either way If she comes and stays I am not having her call my son things that he doesnt actually want to be called.

OP posts:
greenbeansqueen · 04/03/2018 22:23

Block her, speak to her parents. Another bloody millennial who thinks it’s all about her - which let’s face it- is what it’s all about, she’s all OMG I have a trans cousin, so ON TREND.!

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:24

No Dad, do tell me more of your great wisdom. Us silly women don’t understand anything until a man comes along to explain it.

DullAndOld · 04/03/2018 22:25

...especially one with a science degree

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:26

Well firstly i would explain to you don't have to listen to men and I'm in no way a divine source of knowledge your entitled to disagree with me ? (I'm sure you will reply something sarky Al one the lines "of thanks for your pets mission" etc etc)

SmileyBird · 04/03/2018 22:27

DadTryingHisBest28 Most women on here have had plenty of experience of disagreeing with men and vice versa.

The issue here is that you trumpeted your science degree, in a way that ironically makes you sound like an idiot.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:29

No sorry I apologise to everyone, they're aren't male and female gender roles evidenced by science and evolution, which are seen in even homo-erectus. We will just reject science completely as it doesn't fit the agenda and someone who identifies as male explaining a opposite POV is too much for the egg shell skull brigade.

SmileyBird · 04/03/2018 22:30

You sound great Smile

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:31

@SmileyBird so if a thread talk about schools and says something clearly erroneous and someone says "actually I'm a teacher" we can al react the same way ?

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:31

someone who identifies as male explaining a opposite POV is too much for the egg shell skull brigade.

What the fuck are you going on about?

DullAndOld · 04/03/2018 22:31

I am really jealous of your wife actually..:)

Original poster
upsideup · 04/03/2018 22:31

DadTryingHisBest28

I dont get what your trying to say? That my son is actually a trans girl because your science degree proves that there are male gender roles and he doesnt conform to them?

OP posts:
DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:32

It's a legal term but sorry to even vaguely explain it to you.

DullAndOld · 04/03/2018 22:32

nobody said anything 'erroneous' it is sex not gender. And I don't even have a "science degree"...

Italiangreyhound · 04/03/2018 22:33

@DadTryingHisBest28 I don't have a science degree but I do know the difference between gender and sex.

I found this very helpful.

snowflakeespecial.tumblr.com/post/114684943185/social-construct-masterpost

titchy · 04/03/2018 22:33

Of course there are gender roles. They're just not innate, they're the result of societal conditioning, which starts in utero.

Suggest you a) read the article you referenced in full, and b) ask for your money back from wherever you got your degree from.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:34

@upsideup no your son is not trans, he is just a four year old child and what he is doing is completely common, I posted in response to a comment I saw saying gender is a social construct and I have a appeared to inadvertently hijacked your thread so I must offer my apologies and will desist from commenting further.

Idontdowindows · 04/03/2018 22:35

Dad, seeing as you don't even know the difference between sex and gender, maybe you should just shut up.

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:35

I do agree that at a base level there are defined gender roles. The same is true of most mammals. Anyone who has own a cat or dog will know that male and female cats and dogs have different personalities.

However that does not extend to wearing certain colours or hair length.
Yes men and women act differently due to the fact that they are different. But much of what defines a man or a woman according to society is a social construct. Wearing dresses, make up and high heels for example.

greenbeansqueen · 04/03/2018 22:36

Egg shell skull brigade. Amazing! Going to pop that one into a meeting at work tomorrow and see if anyone stops to say ‘ sorry what the actual fuck are you on about’ or just let’s it go. In my science job.

MajesticWhine · 04/03/2018 22:36

I suspect many of us have science degrees as well as masters and doctorates. It would be fairly tedious if all give our credentials each time we post. There are differences between men and woman. No one is suggesting otherwise. Many of the roles and preferences assigned to men/women boys/girls are however not attributable to biological sex. They are dictated by society.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:37

@Idontdowindows great reasoning friend

SmileyBird · 04/03/2018 22:37

We can all react however the hell we like, that’s the beauty of the place Grin

In the instance you give, the word ‘actually’ would influence the response the poster received. A lot would also depend on the content of what they were saying, and what you are saying is embarrassingly ill informed.

titchy · 04/03/2018 22:37

Egg shell skull brigade. Amazing! Going to pop that one into a meeting at work tomorrow and see if anyone stops to say ‘ sorry what the actual fuck are you on about’ or just let’s it go. In my science job.

Apparently it's a legal term... Grin

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:38

It's a legal term but sorry to even vaguely explain it to you.

What is a legal term? ‘Egg shell skull brigade’?

Idontdowindows · 04/03/2018 22:38

great reasoning friend

I'm not your friend, and it's not reasoning, it's fact.

You have demonstrated that you have no clue about sex and gender, yet you spout your nonsense all over this thread as if you are the fount of all wisdom.