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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
Notallthat · 03/03/2018 20:07

I'd be furious and wouldn't have them in my house again tbh, they stole your bear, knowing it meant a lot to you, lost your bear, knowing it meant a lot to you, laughed when you told them you were upset about it and made no attempt to try and find it after you told them you were upset. If they actually took it by mistake and inadvertently lost it they would have been searching high and low the second you called the first time and they knew it had upset you.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/03/2018 20:10

My local Facebook groups are pretty good for stuff like this. Lost toys/shoes/keys etc. Are there any around the shopping mall you could join?

But fuck that. The least they should be doing is retracing their fucking steps. I hope he isn't laughing any more

I don't blame you one bit for screaming at them Flowers

GUMBYMUMBY · 03/03/2018 20:11

I think your SIL is mentally challenged. You cannot GIVE something that doesn't belong to you.
I would be furious.
My ex gave my favorite childhood book to his sister ( well he SAID it was his sister). I couldn't buy it again because it was £60.
Bastards

Kahlua4me · 03/03/2018 20:11

Gracious that’s awful. I can’t imagine what they think they are teaching their child by allowing them to simply take whatever they feel like. Probably they are not thinking anything just indulging in their precious!

Next time you are over at their house, please mention to them that you will take whatever you want as it is obviously the way to behave...

GUMBYMUMBY · 03/03/2018 20:13

PS. Something tells me they have children and maybe you do not?
I hope this is not the case because it makes it even worse.

iammargesimpson · 03/03/2018 20:14

pinksparkly that's your prerogative, I just think there's a less dramatic way to deal with this particular situation that will also be less damaging to the relationship of the op, db and sil.
And please, don't put words in my mouth, I said in my original post that sil should have asked.

frasier · 03/03/2018 20:17

Nearly a couple of hundred people on this thread (I think I've seen one dissenter who doesn't think it is a big deal) have expressed outrage. It is not normal to think it's funny when someone steals.

Does your brother realise that his wife is teaching the children to steal?

Strawberry2017 · 03/03/2018 20:17

I would be completely heartbroken, I still have my bear in my bedside draw now, I don't even want to think about something happening to it.
My heart breaks for you. Very inconsiderate of both of them. That fact it will have looked well loved should have been enough for them not to go near It.
Your SIL has no excuse - she should have said no.
Your brother is a arse and I'm so sorry for you.
I recommend contacting the shopping place, someone may have found it and put it in a safe place.
X

LavenderDoll · 03/03/2018 20:17

Im so sorry OP I would be devastated if my Tatty McTatty went missing

Sally2791 · 03/03/2018 20:18

Not acceptable behaviour at all. Does it have financial as well as sentimental value? That was theft and I would make it plain to her

frasier · 03/03/2018 20:18

iammargesimpson The ILs not stealing in the first place would be "less damaging to the relationship" eyeroll .

BareBum · 03/03/2018 20:18

Which shopping centre? Which shops did they go in? Maybe someone on here works there?

Fishface77 · 03/03/2018 20:20

Flowers op.
Facebook is your best bet here.
Also phone the shopping centre, they usually have lost property offices and estate management teams.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 03/03/2018 20:22

What bastards.

I just can’t understand anyone trying to explain why they did this.

All parents have been sleep deprived. All parents have had to face the possibility of a toddler tantrum at a bad moment. But allowing a child to take a clearly treasured toy, not mention it, and then not even give enough of a shit to ensure it doesn’t get lost? Who the fuck does that?!

My sister has a treasured teddy. I genuinely think if I had taken him and lost him she would never speak to me again. Not that I would do that, because I’m not a complete arsehole.

Fruitcocktail6 · 03/03/2018 20:26

This has made me so angry on your behalf. Who the fuck does that?!

iammargesimpson · 03/03/2018 20:28

frasier I don't disagree with you, they shouldn't have taken the bear, I think it's fair to say we are all agreed on that! At this point (well not so much since op's update) it's also about damage control for want of a better phrase and op haring off to the police is only going to deteriorate the situation IN MY OPINION! I feel I need to highlight that, we are allowed to have different viewpoints on how to handle a situation Grin

ohfourfoxache · 03/03/2018 20:29

Please start a FB search, and/or a MN search with a picture op

You never know, someone somewhere might be able to reunite you

CaptainBrickbeard · 03/03/2018 20:30

That is atrocious parenting. Yeah, I’ve given in sometimes but a five year old? Wanting someone else’s teddy? They are in for a world of trouble raising a kid who has been taught she can take what she likes from other people. It’s not fair on the little girl to indulge her to that extreme.

And I’ve been severely sleep deprived for four years. It’s wrecked my health; it’s been torture. There is no aspect of my life unaffected by the damage. I still think their behaviour is stupid and indefensible.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 03/03/2018 20:32

Sil and bil did this with a toy of ds1. Their ds1 wanted it and my ds1 said he could borrow it. They wandered off, came back without it. No one can remember where it was left.

I was furious.

CotswoldStrife · 03/03/2018 20:35

If you know the shopping centre I'd get in touch with them yourself, tbh. I'm not sure they are going to be highly motivated to find the bear.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/03/2018 20:36

Aww! Your teddy! I would be so upset if Frank ever went missing.

How infuruating that they haven't admitted they're in the wrong

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/03/2018 20:41

iammargesimpson, I wouldn’t allow a thief in my house so the relationship would already be ruined beyond repair. I’ve still got the pink elephant that I had when I was a baby. DM paid for him to be professionally re-covered and he’s even more precious now as she died last year. I would never forgive anyone who stole him, lost him and then laughed about it.

I disagree the SIL should have asked, she should simply have told the kid that the bear belonged to the OP so she couldn’t have it.

londonrach · 03/03/2018 20:44

Seriously. If anyone took my childhood soft toy there will be murder and im not kidding. He is the best sleep aid ever. Dh steals him me ever so often if he cant sleep. After 40 years of guarding me overnight id fight for him. Sil revisits where they went!!!! I suspect they still have bear and he cuddled up safe in a bed op so fear not hes not cold x

FreeNiki · 03/03/2018 20:44

The behaviour of my sister's children is so atrocious Im seriously considering not giving them a thing for their birthdays this year. I dont plan on seeing them.

OhCalamity · 03/03/2018 20:45

DS had known since he was 2.5 that people's teddies are special to them. As special as his Ted is to him. If a baby can grasp that, so can an adult.

It doesn't matter that it's a teddy. What matters is that your DB's wife chose to steal remove something of sentimental value from your home without even asking you first. To be dismissive and laughing at you when none of the three of them bothered to give it even a days worth of care is insult to injury.

It would be a long time before I'd invite them back, possibly years. I'd also be very cool with them for the foreseeable future. They are also making a rod for their own back with their child.