AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

[MadSister1818]

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

☹️ did they lose the bear straight after leaving your house? Would you know their steps to try and find it?

I would be so upset and cross!

My mum had a bear from her childhood that I used to play with when growing up. He was very threadbare and my nan (her mum) patched him up and made him an outfit to wear. She died when I was three and some of my few memories of her were connected to that bear. My mum used to recount stories of about how she looked after the bear when she was small. It lived on a shelf in my bedroom until i left home

A few years ago my mum casually mentioned she had thrown him away . I was absolutely speechless!

Honestly, I’d much rather a real life child was made happy by taking a stuffed toy so a bit bemused by all the outrage on this thread.

Never has anyone missed a point on a thread as much as @SleightOfMind.

The item was the OP's property. The child and the SIL and the brother had no right to TOUCH it, let alone bloody steal it, 'just coz the precious little imp fucking wanted it!'

And then they went and lost it anyway. The child couldn't have bastard well wanted it THAT much could they?!

OP you need to contact them and tell them you want to know how they got home, as you want YOUR PROPERTY back!

Why?

Just a weird way to refer to someone. I’ve only ever seen it on judge Judy when someone is referring to a woman who has been flirting with her boyfriend I’ve never seen male used in this way either. Do you always refer to women as females like this?

Oh dear. I’ve just had a full on meltdown with my B (can’t bring myself to call him DB right now) over the phone.

I was cross that he was making excuse after excuse rather than acknowledging how important this was to me that I ended up screaming at him to LISTEN to me! And called him and SIL selfish twats.

I didn’t mean to lose my temper but he was being SO obtuse.

Bloody hell, I feel like we’re back to being kids again!

Anyway, he has said that they will retrace their steps. But TBH I think it’s unlikely my bear will be found as DC doesn’t even remember where she lost it.

Well they are selfish twats. They need to know how thoughtless and wrong they were.

OP, I am sorry. They absolutely are twats

I have a small bear o for from my mans house after she passed away. It's on a bookshelf on my lounge. This shelf is obviously 'display' by the layout (iyswim)

One day my friends spoilt over indulged DD kicked him up and ds said put it back as special. Her dd just rolled eyes at him and friend told my ds to let her look.

I said that actually ds knows it's to stay on shelf and as it's not hers she should return it as asked.

She repeated she's only looking.

I got up, put beat back on shelf and asked her dd to show me the speaci eyes she has in her fingertips

Friend wasn't impressed. Bear hasn't been touched since!

Maybe it’anin their car?

It’anin it’s in their car.

I HATE my phone it changes things after I've typed. Small bear from my nans house

How did they get home?

ohnomore
Did you actually read my post? Or did the red mist descend before you got to the end?

Irrespective of what I or any other stranger thinks about the value of a teddy, OP’s Sil was U to take something without asking, much less lose it.

I’d suggest you prioritise getting some perspective back over getting your soft toy back

She has perspective. I suggest YOU prioritise getting some empathy and an IQ bump.

I think it’s the behaviour toward you when they lost the toy that is the most distressing. The undertone that your feelings mean nothing and I expect if you get upset you’ll be painted as a drama queen.

Sound like my brother and sil. Only they and their pfb count. After sil screaming at my dd and brother physically hurting me we are now nc. Best decision ever.

I wouldn’t have gone nc for this. But that is because I’ve been conditioned to be the scapegoat and accept being treated appallingly. It took my dd being petrified of them and me being in danger of hospitalisation to sever ties. You do as you see fit. Just be aware you’ll be severing ties with their dc as well.

Bet it miraculously turns up after they either look properly in their car or decide to just give it back to you (having hoped to just keep it for their kid). Dicks.

How many places can they have stopped?

Did he "get it" eventually op? Imagine keeping something safe your whole life and then having it lost because some spineless parent can't be arsed enough to say no, I would be raging!!

my ex sil used to help herself to mine and my mothers cuddly toys if DN took a liking to them.

TBH, she just had this whole air of entitlement about her. I used to visit her and then take them back!

I can't believe you actually had to tell your brother to find something that his wife stole from you and child lost.

Disgusting.

They are entitled twats.

My ILs were like this - what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.

If they don't find it, they replace it.

(Unfortunately we have been looking for several years for DH's that his sister stole and threw away. We've never found one like it.)

How did they get home?

They came by car and stopped off at a shopping centre on the way back. One of those ones where the shops are outdoors rather than a mall.

Has she called you to apologise? How disrespectful is she? Your sil is a cf. why should she take your stuff, then get it list and not care. They’re twats.

"I wouldn’t have gone nc for this. But that is because I’ve been conditioned to be the scapegoat..."

And that's the thing. Abusive people can spot doormats (sorry Mummyoflittledragon I was one also, you obviously found your mama tiger when you had children) a mile away and take full advantage.

You can bet your life that SIL wouldn't have dared take anything from someone's house who she had respect for.

Is there any chance at all the child left it somewhere else in your house and it never even made it to their car? Or did they definitely see the child with it in the car?

any good?