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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
NameChangeOnTheRegular · 03/03/2018 19:24

She lost it on the way home? What?

Did they drive? Then it's in the car. Tell them they need to look. It doesn't matter what it is - who the fuck takes things from someone's house without asking?

mishfish · 03/03/2018 19:25

I shamelessly have a blankey. I’d be so sad if someone stole then lost it (no one would want to steal it it’s seriously manly)

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 03/03/2018 19:25

Hmm, I don't think they are covering for the child. It would be much easier for them to say 'oh, so sorry but DC took the teddy and we didn't realise'. Nobody will hold a grudge against the child. What I think has happened is that DC has thrown a paddy about having to leave it, they've said she can take it and planned to give it back but have now panicked as its been lost

CabbagePatch91 · 03/03/2018 19:25

I have a little bear called fluff that's got a blue bow tie and blue paws because my granny thought I was going to be a boy.

He's been through the wars with me and really is on of the only things I have from being a baby. I would be utterly devastated and think you really should be making your feelings clear. Whether or not she knew the significance of your bear, why, as an adult, did she think it was OK to take anything from your home without asking...

BarryTheKestrel · 03/03/2018 19:26

I'm so sad for you OP. If Ted was removed from my house without my permission and then lost, I would be furious and devastated.

Both your SIL and DB are out of order here and need to find and return your childhood toy.

SpringEquinox · 03/03/2018 19:27

Your bear :( :( Even if it was a more recent, non sentimental attachment bear , how is someone visiting your house giving permission to remove anything without asking you ? The cheek of it all.

Pumpkintopf · 03/03/2018 19:27

Op this is awful. Definitely contact them again and tell them they need to find the bear. No excuses. As pp have said sleep deprivation does not excuse stealing or 'giving in' to the child ie giving away your property without even asking!

Storminateapot · 03/03/2018 19:28

I'd be livid. DH and I both have our battered and beloved childhood bears on a shelf upstairs. I would be terribly upset if someone stole him and lost him as if he was just an old disposable 'thing'.

Is she one of those people with an immaculate minimalist home and no comprehension of attachment to objects? Not that it matters - it's the principle of stealing from you to avoid a tantrum from a child who ought to have learned to stop that nonsense (all other things being equal, obviously). Then not respecting what she stole by allowing her child to put it down & lose it.

I couldn't let that slide.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/03/2018 19:28

iammargesimpson, if someone stole something from me then they wouldn’t be welcome in my home and I wouldn’t particularly want to speak to them again.

I take it you think theft is acceptable?

Springprim · 03/03/2018 19:29

My bag was stolen with my childhood bear in it when I was a 20 year old student. I could still cry now! You poor thing. It may take a long time to forgive her, but I'm sure you will. I hope she has apologised and not just your db.

Theweasleytwins · 03/03/2018 19:29

I'd be absolutely apocalyptic with rage if either of my sisters did this. They know how important my bear and bunny are. They used to wind me up by trying to take them when we were little. Angry

Nanny0gg · 03/03/2018 19:29

If SiL was truly sorry, she should have phoned you, not your brother.

JaneEyre70 · 03/03/2018 19:30

I'd send a text or email to say that you are absolutely heartbroken that such a precious thing was so casually taken and then lost, and that you expect them to be taking every opportunity to find it. You would never have agreed to them taking it as it means so much to you, and you cannot believe that they have put you in such an upsetting position.

LittlePaintBox · 03/03/2018 19:33

YANBU. They wouldn't be coming to stay with me again for a long time. Who tells their kid they can take something home from someone else's house?

LilaBlue · 03/03/2018 19:33

How did they lose it?

SleightOfMind · 03/03/2018 19:34

Honestly, I’d much rather a real life child was made happy by taking a stuffed toy so a bit bemused by all the outrage on this thread.

Your Sil was very much BU to take something of yours without asking, lose it and not be extremely apologetic and make every effort to find/replace it. Doesn’t matter what it is or whether random people think it’s a valuable item or not, she should have asked you first.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/03/2018 19:34

If SIL didn't mean any harm in taking it for her DD, then surely they would be going out of their way to hunt high and low for it?

ittakes2 · 03/03/2018 19:35

I still have my bear - I think you are being very kind to them. You open your home to them and they stole from you! I don‘t care how sleep deprived they are - they know what toys they own and they knew this was not one of them. I would be mortified if my child took something from someone else’s home - regardless of what it was. I hope they look for it for you. Good luck on finding it.

ChasedByBees · 03/03/2018 19:35

I think you need to make it very clear to them how upset you are. Don’t downplay it.

MacaroniPenguin · 03/03/2018 19:35

You need to push them to go and look for it. Make it more hassle for them for it to be lost than "lost". You never know, it might suddenly "turn up" if you make the alternative more work. Whereas if you just disengage in fury, it very easy from their point of view for it to stay "lost", perhaps in their 5 year old's toybox.

Badtimegirly · 03/03/2018 19:36

Your SIL sounds a self entitled piece of work, and cruel with it. Most of us have a special toy/blanket from our childhood which holds great sentimental value and emotional support when we need it. It keeps us reassured in bad times.

I am going through a bad time at the moment, so mr pig has been soaking up the tears and helps me sleep, without him... I would be heartbroken honestly I would.

SIL needs to get of her backside and go and find Teddy, pronto and no excuses.

KendalMintCakey · 03/03/2018 19:40

I'm with the others. I doubt it's lost. it was your bro laughing wasn't it? not husband. He sounds a tw%t. I'd ask for it back. But it on here the pic x let's get your teddy home.

ohnomoresnow · 03/03/2018 19:46

If SIL didn't mean any harm in taking it for her DD, then surely they would be going out of their way to hunt high and low for it?

This ^

SoozC · 03/03/2018 19:49

Even when I'm visiting my parents, I ask if I want to borrow a book from the bookcase in the spare room. It's common courtesy. To take something without asking is not okay. I hope your SIL has sincerely apologised to you by now and sworn to do everything she can to find it.

I'm not a parent, but I'm an experienced EYFS teacher and there's no way I'd give in to a child demanding to keep something that doesn't belong to them.

Fekko · 03/03/2018 19:49

Why didn’t they call to confess - I’d be horrified if I’d done something that sneaky then lost the thing!