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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
bunbunny · 03/03/2018 21:42

Bet your sil wouldn't have said yes if your dn took a shine to a teddy in a shop and just taken it with them...

I would be talking to sil as well as db to see if there was anything else to be gleaned as to where it might be and to enjoy ranting at her too and to see if there are any holes or discrepancies in their stories.

FrancisCrawford · 03/03/2018 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buxbaum · 03/03/2018 21:44

‘Female’ and ‘male’ are adjectives, not nouns.

PhelanThePain · 03/03/2018 21:44

You hear someone speaking.

What if you’re deaf? What do you use to lip read?

mynameisLuca · 03/03/2018 21:46

Wtf does it matter if it's female, or what is female? It's a fucking teddy bear!

She was referring to the SIL, not the teddy bear!

mynameisLuca · 03/03/2018 21:47

The definition of female in the OED states it is a noun and an adjective. For noun the OED states female: a female person, animal or plant

Yes, but it is not used alone when describing humans. Unless the intent is to demean women, on the whole.

PhelanThePain · 03/03/2018 21:48

I’ve worked out why it has annoyed me. It’s because it’s always when someone is being unpleasant. It’s never “she is a lovely female” or “she is a very smart female”. It’s deliberate decision to use the word female instead of woman when attaching and unpleasant description. That’s why it leaves a bad taste.

brotherphil · 03/03/2018 21:52

Do you always refer to women as females like this

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that thinks that is disrespectful. Worst culprits seem to be police, or police wannabes.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 03/03/2018 21:54

Francis it’s a misunderstanding. There are people around who object to women using the term woman. I don’t thin’ you had that agenda, I think you just want to find ted.

frasier · 03/03/2018 21:57

Heard anything back OP?

Bellamuerte · 03/03/2018 21:59

It's unreasonable that a parent should permit their child to take ANYTHING from someone else's house without permission. I remember when I was little I took half a bar of soap from a relative's bathroom because I liked the smell. My mum told me off and made me return it and apologise. Children need to learn they can't just steal things. Obviously some parents have yet to learn that! I wouldn't trust your SIL in your home now she has a history of stealing from you.

mynameisLuca · 03/03/2018 21:59

Francis it’s a misunderstanding. There are people around who object to women using the term woman

It's not. And what people exactly?

PhelanThePain · 03/03/2018 22:00

I think you just want to find ted

Well no. She wanted to refer to the SIL as a ghastly [insert preferred word]. That’s nothing to do with helping find a teddy.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 03/03/2018 22:01

Ok well Francis has stepped aside now.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 03/03/2018 22:03

That's appalling! Shock

Shitmyhairdressersays · 03/03/2018 22:03

Only read the first page so don't know the outcome but YADNBU OP.
I used to make and sell handstitched mohair bears and sell them online.
The people who bought them were not children nor were they for children. Adults bought and collected them. There is a huge attachment adults have to their first best friend which is usually their bear or a doll. It's a big deal. I would be devastated.

SunshineAfterRain · 03/03/2018 22:03

I am so shocked and disgusted.
So with the sil's logic Op you can go to a person's house take a shine to something and steal it.
Not teaching her child great morals.
But more so shame on your brother. He will remember that bear from childhood with you and know the love.
I hope you get your bear back.

RedorBlack · 03/03/2018 22:04

Oh YADNBU. It's not "just" a bear. It's your bear. What if she'd taken a fancy to your engagement ring, nicked it and lost it. Theft is theft. DH and I both have our childhood bears, my 1.5 and 4 year olds know they are ours and to respect our property. I'm horrified for you.

On an optimistic note Social media campaigns can work wonders with this sort of thing. Where is the shopping centre?

KERALA1 · 03/03/2018 22:06

It's the disrespect that would upset me. They've taken something treasured and treated it carelessly and don't give a shit.

Not sure I could move on from that tbh. Most of us wouldn't behave like that to a casual acquaintance let alone family. Awful.

MistyMeena · 03/03/2018 22:07

Agree that local FB groups are great for this, also try Lostbox.

HangtheblessedDJ · 03/03/2018 22:09

Noooo. Your bear! FlowersFlowersFlowersAngry

tazzy73 · 03/03/2018 22:12

Oh Madsister 1818

I hope you find him, I'd go apeshit.

I'm 45 with my 'Lambi' who's 39 years young. I gave him to my daughter who still sleeps with him at the age of 20. He has been lost on holidays twice and we got him sent back each time to, as he's part of our family.
Some might feel this is stupid but our childhood defines us, and our childhood toys are part of this. They need to try find this teddy.

Taz.

StrangeLookingParasite · 03/03/2018 22:13

Just refer to her as “the bear thief”from now on. To her face

If this had happened to me, she'd be being addressed as 'cunt', frankly.

WTF is wrong with people, that they can do these things because they're so fucking spineless they can't say no to a five year old? I must be terminally mean; this was never a problem for me.

Mrsmadevans · 03/03/2018 22:16

That is awful OP l am so sorry , how dare your sil do that . I mean who does that ?

Waddlelikeapenguin · 03/03/2018 22:23

Oh i'm so sorry that's horrible both the loss & utter contempt lack of respect you have been shown.
Flowers