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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about leaving children home alone?

285 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 03/03/2018 17:15

Whats the youngest you would leave a child home alone to pop to the shops? I know everyone's area is different so shops will be further away, but just looking for a general idea.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 04/03/2018 09:28

It was my understanding that's it isn't illegal to leave a child alone but it is illegal to leave children under the care of anyone younger than 16

No. The law is completely vague. It's totally at parents' discretion but if something awful happened you would potentially be at risk of prosecution. However - gas main explodes while you are out for a short while leaving a 12 year old, not likely to be prosecuted. 5 year old chokes to death while you are out at work all day - definitely likely to be prosecuted.

CurcubitaPepo · 04/03/2018 09:35

@a1sharon

I mentioned the 14 year old thing. I think we have similar friends. No amount of telling her will convince her otherwise.

I know the governments own website doesn’t say that, nor does the nspcc. However, in her own case, she doesn’t work and had no other children, and doesn’t see that if that were different, she just wouldn’t have time to escort her daughter everywhere. she is also a very anxious person.

Another part of me tho thinks its convenient and suits her controlling personality......

rainbowstardrops · 04/03/2018 09:45

I work in a class of twenty nine children all aged six or seven and there is NO WAY I’d trust any of them to be left on their own!!!! Not one of them.
Don’t think I left either of my two alone until they were about 10/11.

I’ve just started to leave DD(12) for a couple of hours when she has an inset day and I don’t but her dad is available to pop in and check all is ok.

I am honestly surprised and shocked at the young ages that some children are left alone.

JustDanceAddict · 04/03/2018 09:50

I started leaving mine aged 10 to take the other to an activity. This would be 10-20 mins. They preferred that to coming with or waiting in car (they always hated that). Before that they weren’t ready & nor was I. Gradually lengthen the time from then on once they’re ready.

BastardGoDarkly · 04/03/2018 09:53

First time I left my eldest he was 7, he had a virus, and was totally wiped out, just laying watching TV. I had to go get his sister, so 15 minutes.

I sometimes leave them now to walk dog, if neighbour kid (12) is here, so 10, 12 and a 6 year old.

I'm half hour round trip in fields out back, and could hear them if they shouted.

NickyNackyNoodleNoo · 04/03/2018 09:55

I left mine once they reached year 5, it started just 10-15 minutes but as they've got older I'm building up gradually.

They are 13 & 11 and it's never for longer than an hour or two, just mulling over holiday care and I'd never leave them a whole day. So I'm scrabbling around trying to find any clubs etc for their age group.

rocketgirl22 · 04/03/2018 10:01

Personally I would never leave a seven or eight year old, they are simply not old enough to know what to do in any number of emergencies/situations. A phone does not insulate them from things that could be dangerous, and phone signals are not always reliable.

My dd was 12, and was when she and I both felt comfortable, we started for very short periods of 10 mins or so building up to an hour. No longer and certainly not for half or full days.

We once had a pedlar at the door, and I was glad she knew to ignore him even after five minutes of him banging on the door and then he came back! He was an ex convict selling tea towels I found out from my neighbours. I would not have felt as confident that a younger child would not have been scared into opening the door.

JustDanceAddict · 04/03/2018 10:01

I’ve just read more of the thread. Do people really leave babies, toddlers and any child under 8? I really do despair. Even when one has been ill, either another parent has brought back or I’ve had to take with (obv if too ill to take I’ve called in favours).

FallenAngel89 · 04/03/2018 10:02

10 and 8 when DDS were left alone but for no longer than 1hr. Both v.mature and sensible 😊

FilthyforFirth · 04/03/2018 10:18

I really don't understand why so mamy posters are desperate to teach 4 and 5 years olds independence. What an earth are you all doing that you can't possibly bring your children with you? It is so shocking.

bobstersmum · 04/03/2018 10:29

It's actually pretty worrying (to me) reading that so many leave or have left very young children. How is it any different to the mm case?

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 04/03/2018 10:41

Sorry natsuk didn't mean to single you out just wanted to point out how different it is in other parts of Europe as I can't understand not leaving a 11/12 year old home alone but they are able to travel to and from school alone at that age.

Just to point out my family member who was referred for leaving her 4 year old home alone nothing came of the ss referral they just paid her a visit and she never done it again. I do think 4 is too young but 6/7 I think is fine.

OP posts:
S0ph1a · 04/03/2018 10:41

I can understand why a parent might find it necessary for an 11 year old to be home alone after school for a hour.

But I really can’t see what anyone would have to leave a baby, toddler or young child alone to go shopping . What do you mean - “ popping out for some essentials”? Do people really not have a single bit of food in the house ?

I would rather give my child a can of spaghetti hoops or a kit kat for breakfast than leave a 5 year old home alone . Having junk for one single meal won’t do a child any harm at all.

And as for “ buying calpol “ . A child who is either in pain or running a temperature so high that they need Emergency calpol is clearly too unwell to be left alone .

Those of you saying you leave your six year old alone to teach independence are talking bollocks. Sitting alone watching Peppa Pig is not an essential life skill.

StickyPopcorn · 04/03/2018 10:46

These threads always go the same way. I was thoroughly roasted on here for one before. FWIW, I think MN is very strict when it comes to leaving kids.

I leave my 7 year old for up to 30 mins. 12 year old would happily stay here for the day on her own and she cooks.

hairycoo · 04/03/2018 11:34

depends on the child. ds1 was left for short times from age 6. by the time he was 10 he was responible and could be left for a few hours. he is now an adult. ds2 is 7 and cant ever imagine leaving him alone 😅

Natsku · 04/03/2018 11:36

I had to leave my (then) 6 year old alone twice a week for a couple of months because school finished at one o'clock and my work didn't finish until two o'clock, no childcare available. Now I'm on maternity leave I don't have to leave her ever buy sometimes she chooses to stay home and so I let her.

formerbabe · 04/03/2018 11:54

Seriously shocked by this thread.

It is really not ok to leave six year olds home alone. It just isn't.

What the hell is wrong with people?

BastardGoDarkly · 04/03/2018 11:56

Natsku how did your 6 year old get home from school?

Babyroobs · 04/03/2018 12:03

Everyone is different. I left my 17, 15 and 13 year olds at home last night whilst we went to a party 15 miles away. My friend won't even leave her 2 boys g17 and 15 at home for a few hours .

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 04/03/2018 12:08

I lived alone at 16.

OP posts:
childmindingmumof3 · 04/03/2018 12:11

formerbabe in this country leaving 6 year olds isn't the norm, but in many other countries it is fine. I have a friend in Germany whose 6 year old walked himself home from school and she wasn't always there when he got back! Sometimes she'd have nipped to the shops or a neighbours so he'd let himself in and wait.

S0ph1a · 04/03/2018 12:12

I’m sorry you really DONT have to leave your 6 year old alone twice a week. You negotiate flexible hours or have the child’s father do so. You make a deal with another parent that they have your child for that hour twice a week and you have theirs at another time. You book a childminder or use an after school club.

What you did really isn’t safe and would be a matter for a referral to social services in the UK.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2018 12:31

I've left my 4 year old for 5 to 10 mins. She is very sensible for her age. My mum used to leave me and my sister too. I check she has had a wee, has everything she needs. Her eyes do not leave paw patrol. I know others wouldn't, but don't judge

Judging with bells on. And the poster who leaves her baby/toddler.

What the hell is so important that you would do that? And no 4 year old is that sensible, she has no experience of things that could happen.

Total irresponsibility and I wouldn't hesitate to report either of you if I knew you in RL.

BanginChoons · 04/03/2018 12:47

My eldest I started to leave for short periods at 11, and now at nearly 13 she brings herself home after school, and stays at home some days in the school holidays if I'm working (her choice). My 7 and 5 year olds I have never left alone, although I have left my 7 year old with his older sister while I nip to the shop with the youngest (10 mins).

Natsku · 04/03/2018 12:50

She walked home bastard sometimes she went to her friend's house instead but usually his parents were still at work too. Sometimes he came to ours but I made them play outside on those days until I got home.

No childcare means no childcare SOph1e no childminders or after school clubs for her age. Not considered unsafe or inappropriate here, social workers were fine with it when I asked.

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