To ask about leaving children home alone?

[ThisLittleKitty]

Whats the youngest you would leave a child home alone to pop to the shops? I know everyone's area is different so shops will be further away, but just looking for a general idea.

I said 11 so year 6. I think thats an appropriate time to start leaving children alone for a short time. If other parents prefer a couple of years earlier, that's their choice. 4/5/6 is not acceptable and I don't know anyone IRL who'd think it was.

But honestly, do you truly think a parent who would wait until their DC is 12 to be left alone is more neglectful than a parent who leaves their 5 year old alone?..that is absurd. I'd imagine social services and the police would take a very dim view of a 5 year old being left home alone.

I would leave my 8 year old for 15-20 minutes if she was happy but she's not ready yet. My 7 year old, no.

I actually think a lot of people do it IRL they just don't admit it.

Gobsmacked!! Personally 10/11 leading up to secondary school. Listen to the Social worker! People have been arrested for leaving a 7 year old! Those of you who continue to justify leaving babies asleep in cots/watching TV/iPads because they are sensible - it’s not the children you need to worry about it’s the accidents/fires/burglaries - yes all highly unlikely but why take the risk! If you think that is acceceptable then you clearly lack the common sense to be a parent!

Erm, where did I say I left mine at 4/5/6? If you want to object to that age take it up with someone who did.

That isn't what I said former. A parent leaving a 5yr old as a one off for 5 minutes for some unavoidable reason isn't deliberately planning to be neglectful, they aren't thinking 'yes this is an ideal scenario'. It doesn't automatically mean they will expect too much across the board or in future.

Whereas choosing to wait till 12 just because that seems a good age, rather than your dc individually isn't ready before is deliberately choosing to prevent a normal level of independence and responsibility, and implies that the same reasoning is applied across the board.

Erm, where did I say I left mine at 4/5/6? If you want to object to that age take it up with someone who did

You didn't. I was talking about other posters.

A parent leaving a 5yr old as a one off for 5 minutes for some unavoidable reason isn't deliberately planning to be neglectful

It is neglectful though. What possible unavoidable reason could they possibly have?

yum I did. Rl child sws and similar I know professionally. Funnily enough I wasn't arrested, because as another sw has said on this thread it's about circumstances and risk.

I left my 5 yr old a few weeks back, he was sent home ill from school and I needed a few bits. I'm right next door to the shop so it takes 4 secs from my door to theirs. He was happy to lie in bed watching tv. I can get to the shop quicker than it takes me to hang out a washing.

I was telling my great gran about this thread earlier. She told me about a woman many years ago who left her 4.5 year old asleep while she went to the chemist for her medication. The child climbed onto the windowsill and fell out of the window. They lived 11 floors up. The child died. The woman was admitted to the local mental hospital and never came out.

That's the stark reality.

Look after your kids ffs. They should be the most precious things in your world. What justifies leaving them alone when they are little

I have left my 8 & 10yr old at home while I go for a run - so definitely not because I had to. I run in the park next to our house, I was home for about half an hour. We've left them alone at home while DH dropped me off for a night out with friends - so again, not essential. He was back in about 25 minutes. Our mobile numbers are programmed into the home phone, so is my mum's - she lives half an hour away and they often call her so they know how. I remind them of the 'rules' (including what to do in an emergency) when I leave. DD1 also stays home alone for brief periods when we're taking DD2 to Brownies etc. DD1 really enjoys being home alone - DD2 doesn't like the idea, so we don't do it, but she's happy if her sister's with her.

By 8/9 I'd been well instructed at school in basic first aid, how to call the fire service, etc, and didn't question any of it. I even had to put it into practise when a fire happened. I was probably more capable in an emergency than some adults.

By 12, I probably would have thought myself capable of tacking the fire myself, or scaring a burglar off. Common sense takes a massive dive as puberty arrives.

I'm not going to listen to the sw as you put it, as I know someone IRL who left a 4 year old and was reported to ss and nothing came of it. Also people who have mentioned mm. They weren't prosecuted either for leaving their children alone. People do it.

These threads always make me think of the film 'Cave of the Yellow Dog', where the 6yr old goes out on horseback to check up on the sheep. Her mother says "see that mountain? That's your landmark." I watched it with DD1 when she was about 6 - so the same age - and she was blown away by the girl's freedom.

Round here most children walk to/from school from P3 (so aged 7-8). They also play out with one another and nip to the shops themselves etc (in fact my 8 year old volunteered to go and get the last of the milk in the village for his toddler brother who couldn't be taken out with me in the deep snow). He's very responsible for his age and while I'm aware that luckily we live in a small friendly village I find it insane that some people wouldn't leave their child unsupervised even at age 11.

Interesting someone said they wouldn’t let their 8 year old go to the cinema/bowling/swimming.

The other reason I’d say 8 was good safe point is that it’s also when the childcare register changes. Ofsted clearly see 8 as a transition point.

Having said that, you have to decided what you feel is safe. My kids are younger than 8 and so I haven’t left them yet, but at 8 with no SEN I’d feel confident that I was acting responsibly and could justify my decision. Accidents can and do happen anywhere. It’s about managing the risk- do they know how to behave reasonably safely (no knives, jumping off high surfaces etc!) and would they know what to do in an emergency. Importantly for me, would be the maturity to know they should ask for help if they do something silly and injure themselves (rather than worry they’d get in trouble).

I was left alone younger than 8 with my sibling who intentionally did something silly and hurt themselves (because I told them not to!). So I’d be wary of leaving my two together! Alone, I was perfectly safe!

I agree with the majority that pre school is without exception not okay, pre-7 not okay by 99% of people’s standards, 8-11 okay by many people’s standards for short daytime periods, 11plus okay by almost everyone’s standards for short periods assuming no special vulnerability of the child.

Whereas choosing to wait till 12 just because that seems a good age

Oh and I never said 12...I think 10/11... basically last year of primary. To me that's a good age as the next year, they will be in secondary so becoming more independent. If your DC is ready before that, then that's fine for you.

I agree with the majority that pre school is without exception not okay, pre-7 not okay by 99% of people’s standards, 8-11 okay by many people’s standards for short daytime periods, 11plus okay by almost everyone’s standards for short periods assuming no special vulnerability of the child

I'd agree with this.

I really see no reason at all to leave a 5 year old for even 5mins. Ok they are sick? Carry them to the chemist, (especially if it’s only next door as everyone is claiming their shops, parks and schools are). Fact is if you do this it’s because it’s easier for you and it’s at the risk of your child.

Yes, I'm trying to imagine these emergency moments where you have to leave a 5 year old for five minutes?

Ill and you need to do school run? Stick them in a buggy if they fit and you have one. Pop them in a onsie and put them in the car...ask another parent at school to watch car while you dash in and get other DC. If needs be, carry them if you can.

I'm Swedish and pretty laid back, but one thing I would never do is leave a sleeping child. If they are old enough to handle being alone, then I think they need to know they are alone. And if they can't handle that, then they shouldn't be alone.

In case of fire safety, far, far better to know that you are the only person in the house, so you don't waste time trying to alert somebody who isn't there. And even if nothing goes wrong, I wouldn't have wanted mine to wake up and find me gone with no idea of what had happened or when I would be back. I wouldn't have liked that myself, so why do it to others?

I can former.

Parent on zero hours who will lose their job and nobody eats if they are late, babysitter 5 minutes away.

Isolated lone parent, dc with chickenpox or similar.

Someone in food poverty who can't buy dc's breakfast, or top up the electric until their wage goes in, not wanting to drag their cold, hungry dc to the shop opposite in the pouring rain.

I was once someone's last try for childcare before they left their dc, aged between about 6 & 10 home alone all evening. It was that or lose their job, not get paid end of the week as needed for essentials, and back on benefits & dire poverty. And benefits or getting the wages owed wouldn't have been paid on time to buy essentials. Luckily she chanced asking a parent she didn't know well, and I was able to help. If she hadn't, then she'd have been desperate enough to be forced into the decision, not neglectful.

I've also had a neighbours toddler shoved at me during an unpredicted and unavoidable crisis with another family member, which thinking about it now at barely 3 they must have been unattended in the house for at least 5 minutes. The parent was in easy hearing distance but in the circumstances wouldn't have made the usual safety precautions like closing safety gates as you would when popping into another nearby room.

I'm not saying that any are common scenarios, but it's very sheltered to think they don't happen.

Funnily enough I thought about this earlier at the corner shop when I saw someone run from a house opposite. It struck me that they were closer to any potential dc in their home and back quicker than someone in a larger property putting the bins out or unloading shopping.

Clutching at straws with these “scenarios” - sadly I could equally raise you:
Babysitter gets hit by a bus 4mins away
Parent you barely know watching you child has a new partner who’s a paedophile
Parent dashes to the shop and gets chatting, child starts choking on Lego and mother is the next room would have heard them in time

Obviously you are brining up poverty to try and emotionally cloud the argument. Fact is as a parent your child’s safety is first and foremost, I am extremely anti zero working hours and am fully aware of how hard childcare is but it doesn’t make a 5year old capable of looking after themselves. An older child has better judgement, communication and motor skills to cope- not even a “mature” 5 yr old has those of an 11y old.
And
Yes you drag that child out sick and cold because the potential alternatives of not knowing they are safe is far worse.

Thank goodness I don't live in the UK of those are the crazy scenarios you come up with..

Tell me, does anyone have any experience (and by that I mean not a friend of a friend of a cousins friend) of their child being abucted, in a house fire, babysitter getting hit whilst 4 minutes away etc?

No seriously, it's all very well being cautious and exercising your better judgement but many other parents don't think in such "frightner" terms. I sure don't.

My worries with leaving my kids are more then falling down the stairs (which they can do when I'm home) not if pedos are hanging around or married to my babysitter.

I'd not get anything done if I was that scared of people around my kids...

Why clutching at straws? Former asked what emergency situation could warrant it, hence they aren't going to be everyday scenarios we all experience, or done because parents have other choices available.

Poverty to you might be something only brought up to cloud the argument, but where I live it's simply an everyday aspect of life. You can be against zero hours all you like, as are many with them as a sole min wage income. It doesn't make the choices any less bleak. Deprivation causes tough decisions. It isn't just safety, it's overall welfare that's important too. I wouldn't be keen on leaving dd overnight at 14. But if not doing so would jeapordise her entire quality of life, and see us both back to just above breadline, then yes, I imagine I would if there were no alternative. So completely understandable why someone only just above breadline might make the same tough decision to avoid below breadline living if they don't.

It's not within guidelines, but as long as lone parents are being threatened with sanctions if they won't take jobs outside their available childcare times, and jobs that require staff are always available at short notice, all low paid and usually zero hours, people will make those decisions. Even if in your world people don't live like that.

I'm also not sure why a possible new partner of a parent you don't know well is more likely to be a paedophile than the long term partner of someone you know well.

I've never been in the position where I've had to make a decision like that. It makes me lucky, not superior.