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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about leaving children home alone?

285 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 03/03/2018 17:15

Whats the youngest you would leave a child home alone to pop to the shops? I know everyone's area is different so shops will be further away, but just looking for a general idea.

OP posts:
MrsLow10 · 05/03/2018 00:05

I've left DD (9) home to nip to shop, but would never leave my other (6) with her, 6yo is very impulsive so don't think she'll be home alone at 9.

Natsku · 05/03/2018 04:08

It really is not possible to justify leaving six/seven year olds at home alone. This thread is full of posters professing that their DC are so sensible, mature and confident... It's extremely naive. It's not ok...stop trying to con yourself that it is fine.

Are you really so arrogant as to think you are right and millions of people around the world, including child protection workers, are wrong?

AJPTaylor · 05/03/2018 07:17

i was left at home at 6 with my 5 year old sister and 8 year old brother. my mum worked 9 to 3 so in school holidays would leave us from 9 til 12, come home for lunch then back to work til 3.
her view was that we would only play out anyway.

bathsh3ba · 05/03/2018 07:32

Surely above a certain age it is dependent on the child, parent and situation? E.g previous posters have felt it is safer to leave a younger child alone than a younger child with an older one. In their situations that may well be right. In mine, while my 8 and 10yo squabble if I am there, when they are on their own they actually make a good team. They complement each other and I feel confident between them they could manage for up to 30 mins. My 8yo alone would be less confident. My 10yo isn't looking after her sister, they are each looking out for each other. But my 8yo is nearly 9 and my 10yo nearly 11 and I only started this a couple of months ago and don't leave them regularly.

Brokenbiscuit · 05/03/2018 07:59

Hmm. My dd has always been extremely mature and sensible for her age, but there is no way I'd have left her alone at 6/7. Anything under 8ish is too young imo.

I don't think I left my dd at home alone until she was around 11ish, and only then for periods of an hour or two at most. However, she did walk to school with a friend from around the age of 9 - a 5-minute walk, with one very quiet road to cross. I probably would have left her home alone for 10-20 minutes at the same age, but the need never really arose.

Pinkvoid · 05/03/2018 08:21

DS is about to turn eight and I’ve left him alone when he was sick and last week when the snow was bad for approx ten-fifteen mins while I popped round the corner to the shop. He’s my most sensible child so I can trust him not to hurt himself or set the place ablaze Grin. He just sits the entire time playing his Xbox.

marfmarf · 05/03/2018 08:28

8

Brokenbiscuit · 05/03/2018 08:34

You left a 7yo alone while he was sick, Pink?

zzzzz · 05/03/2018 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/03/2018 09:21

Anything 8 and above is down to the parents and the specific scenario.
Deprivation as awful as it is doesn’t negate the risks of leaving a 4/5 year old alone.

HungerOfThePine · 05/03/2018 09:24

My dd is almost 8 I can't imagine leaving her for a length of time until she is around 10.

I sometimes leave her in the house so I can sort car out or if I'm in the garden could be anything from 10-45mins but she has every opportunity to shout at me from the window or come outside as I leave back door open.

One time her dgp left her in the house while they did their gardening, they had told her but when they came in half hour later she was hiding behind the sofa crying as she didn't know where they were.Confused
She hadn't taken in what they said and never looked for them beyond the house.

I think it's a case by case thing.

I was frequently left alone or with older siblings from age of 7 I managed not to come to much harm.

basilbrushe · 05/03/2018 10:34

DS is about to turn eight and I’ve left him alone when he was sick

That's seriously shocking. Honestly what on Earth were you thinking about? A sick 7yo. Alone!

Echobelly · 05/03/2018 10:49

Our shop round the corner is about 25 metres away, so TBH there were times I popped out to buy things needed for dinner when the kids were tiny and asleep and my DH wasn't home yet! They both slept like rocks and never got up to ask for anything, though they do occasionally now, and it was literally no more than 2 minutes.

These days if I need a something I more usually send out DD, now 9, to get it, as she loves the responsibility (and I love the not having to go to the shop). Planning to let her walk to choir practice that starts before school, and back from a midweek evening class, about a mile, next term when it is lighter, a) because she'll have to be making her own way to and from secondary school in less than 18 months' time, so I want her to get used to it and b) it just makes logistics easier.

DS, 6, is not very mature and occasionally a bit wild, so it might be a couple of years before I'd leave them both alone for longer than 10 mins or so.

PoisonousSmurf · 05/03/2018 10:59

With my DDs it was from when they were at least 11 years old. But never for more than an hour.
Now they are 16 and 13 if it's half term and I need to work, then the longest is 4 hours.
But for some weird reason I'm more anxious about going out for the day with hubby and leaving the kids alone as I think that if we had a bad car accident, then they'd be left all alone and the only people they'd see next would be a police officer.
So, I don't mind going out by myself and leaving DDs but never with my husband.
Lol! I don't think I'll ever relax until they are both adults!

Mummyontherun86 · 05/03/2018 14:00

@hungerofpine I think your daughter is unusual in being upset by being left while adults are literally just in the garden. No judgement, but my pre-schoolers are able to come in and out of the garden in the summer to get a drink, go to the loo, find me loading the dishwasher. We don’t have a huge garden and I’m fortunate my kitchen has big windows and patio doors overlooking the garden... but from friends and neighbours I’d say 3/4 yes most children are capable of finding their responsible adult in another part of the house or garden.

HungerOfThePine · 05/03/2018 15:11

Mummyontherun86 you are right my dd isn't quite nt but it's yet to be confirmed what is going on, in this case she really wasn't listening even though she responded when told. In one ear and out the other.

blackeyes72 · 05/03/2018 15:21

I have done similar to most on here. I leave my 8 and 10 year old together for max half an hour or so if I need to drop off and they are busy watching a film. This is rare though as generally I take the 8 year old with me or 13 year old is there and keeps a close eye on them.

gillianlouise1973 · 07/03/2018 18:50

Hi, I have a 12 year old who can be left on his own for two hours but he has to know where am going, who with and how long and that he can get hold of me, through a mobile device - Am also a early years worker, so I know that he is mature enough for that length of time but the law states that he has to be mature enough to be left on his own, but he is still to young to be left on his own, 14 years old is when they can be left on there own and also baby sit. The chances of being charge with child neglect is a possibility and therefore parents need to know about child protection. Its a hard choice but what ever you do, know the law and child protection before you do any thing. Found on any sites that state the law and council sites for schools and nurseries. hope this is of some use. It helps me when I had to work.

italiancortado · 07/03/2018 19:14

14 years old is when they can be left on there own

No. It is not.

Why do people keep repeating this? It's absolute bollocks.

Strokethefurrywall · 07/03/2018 20:56

14 years old is when they can be left on there own -
What. A. Load. Of. Bollocks.

Qvar · 07/03/2018 20:59

I can see the shop from my front door and vice versa, so from seven ish for a sensible NT child. They could just run and get me if any issues. Older for a kid with additional needs, or a complete pickle.

Qvar · 07/03/2018 21:01

Hi, I have a 12 year old who can be left on his own for two hours but he has to know where am going, who with and how long and that he can get hold of me, through a mobile device - Am also a early years worker, so I know that he is mature enough for that length of time but the law states that he has to be mature enough to be left on his own, but he is still to young to be left on his own, 14 years old is when they can be left on there own and also baby sit. The chances of being charge with child neglect is a possibility and therefore parents need to know about child protection. Its a hard choice but what ever you do, know the law and child protection before you do any thing. Found on any sites that state the law and council sites for schools and nurseries. hope this is of some use. It helps me when I had to work.

this post terrifies me, because you claim to be a childcare professional and yet you know NOTHING of child protection law or how to apply it.

gillianlouise1973 · 15/03/2018 18:53

May be I do not know how child protection works but May be I do not know the law but yet both are intertwined which makes it harder for me, to go any where, yet if you deem your child mature enough, you can leave your child and as long as they have means to take care of them selves, again child protection deem that you can not leave your child until they are 14 years old but what do you do, its a catch twenty-two, so that means, the now am not working because am stuck in and have no means to do any thing except wait for when my child is school or away visiting his dad, to do shopping. So look on the child protection sites and the law sites to see what they say as it is different for every body and you try and understand it from my position as a mother and a (ex- )early years worker, as it makes it hard for me. Try get a job that fits in the hours of 8.40am - 2.50pm, so you can be home for your child/children, who are too old for child care that ends at 12 years old, yet they are too young still to be on there own. Because you can not leave them on there own to early or any later. So what are you going to find wrong with this. Am on my own and I have little support.

gillianlouise1973 · 15/03/2018 19:08

Am feeling stupid yet, everybody has there opinion, yet mines is the one that cause concern, try working and having child care, every body I know have older children, gran-parents, aunts, uncles etc , who can help with child care, but when you do not have any of that close to hand and you are trying to do what you think is right, when its not. You are left feeling lonely, sad, and annoyed that you can not move with out some kind of criticism.

AdalindSchade · 15/03/2018 21:06

@gillianlouise1973 there is no 'child protection' that says you can't leave your child under 14. You can absolutely leave a 12 year old for short periods while you are working.