Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

So sorry you had a terrible time. I did too. I remember Mothers Day was soon after and seeing the cards made me cry. Pregnant women in the street made me cry because I felt they didn't know what was coming. I thought no wonder everyone talks about the war because terrible things change you. My thought processes were unhinged. I was so deeply traumatised. I got pregnant again 3 yrs later and it honestly didn't occur to me anything could ever be that awful again. No 2 was delivered in 4 hrs, in soft lighting, to low music and, immediately after, I'd have queued up to do it all again.

I remember lying in recovery after having my perineum and sphincter put back together and saying never, ever again.

Begged for an elective section for baby 2 (and it took me a long while to feel ready for a second child) and it was bloody brilliant.

But now I really am never doing it again.

I've had two emergency c sections and two planned and been sterilised. I'll be glad not to recover after a c section again as the last two were prolonged and painful.

After my first dc, I remember being completely shell shocked. It helped me to talk through what happened with friends. I also wrote things down, to get them out of my head.

I was very lucky and all 3 of my births were all straight forward. 2 were born in a birthing pool and last dc was a quick emergency dash to hospital. Each birth was different and significant, and I don’t think it matters if they are good or bad - they all affect you.

Time goes make a difference though, and the pain fades away.

You've had a rough time! I understand how you feel as I was completely traumatised after the birth. It put me off trying for a second but I went for it in the end and had many sleepless nights in the early stages of pregnancy worrying about the birth. In the end I had an elective c section. 'Luckily' I had a bad tear and didn't realise it until my 20 week appointment that the dictors didn't recommend a natural birth. I leaped on it! The midwives weren't convinced but I insisted. it was a totally different experience and I went on to happily have a third.

I remember being utterly shell shocked after my 1st OP. She was finally born after a 4 day induction, failed ventouse and eventually forceps in theatre. I had a massive haemorrhage after and was on labour ward for 2 days and a dural tap from the epidural meaning I was also lead flat. I had so many stitches sitting down nearly made me scream, and all in all I felt completely bloody cheated.

I would say that there must be a part of our brain that slowly removes the memory, as I went on to have 3 more (although sadly 1 was stillborn). It wasn't until the contractions started that I thought "holy shit what am I doing??!?!?!". I hope you get better soon and enjoy your baby. They are worth in the end..... perhaps apart from the teenage bit

My pregnancy was great. No problems. Didnt have any side effects (except heartburn) and it was textbook. I wasn’t afraid of giving birth. However the birth was horrific from start to finish, dc and I were severely let down, the staff were awful (except the midwives who delivered dc in the end) and put us both in danger, the pain was hprrific and their failings continued after baby was born. It’s not something, luckily, I’ve been traumatised by, I rarely think about it and it hasn’t affected me long term at all. However I do want another baby and I don’t know what I’d do about the birth. The thought of going through it again is awful!

I count myself very lucky because although I went into labour 4 weeks early the actual labour wasn't too bad. 8 hours and yes it was painful but it was tolerable pain (with gas and air) and as soon as it was over I felt absolutely fine. Compared to 8 hours recently of food poisoning then feeling horrendous for a couple of days afterwards. My pregnancy was fine too. I had no morning sickness or joint pain, no cramps, no Braxton hicks, nothing.

I'm kind of scared to do it again in case I was just lucky and it's horrendous next time!

Poor you! A midwife friend of mine has recently qualified as Birth Trauma Resolution Therapist and this sounds like something you might benefit from. She is not in your area (Cheshire?), but there will be others who are. birthtraumaresolution.com/find-a-practitioner/ This site may be helpful. I know that my friend has been able to help many women who felt completely traumatized by their birthing experience. Hope you get the help that you need...

Just to add, I had all day so called morning sickness ( ha -ha), twice, but 2 very easy labours, only a bit of back pain, midwives caught on the hop as I was told that I wasn't in labour! No pain relief , but I couldn't stop walking, just had to move. I'm trying to offer hope to any of you about to give birth, hope you are all ok.

I felt exactly the same -DS1 was born face up with forceps, I was only offered gas and air, lost a lot of blood and came close to a transfusion. Oh and I pushed so hard I burst some blood vessels in my eye. DS was poorly and screamed non stop for days. I was 26 years old and completely unprepared for motherhood.

Strangely I decided that if I was going to do it again I needed to do it sooner rather than later and 2 years later DS2 was born. I was in labour for 3 hours and he literally shot out. I was very scared but it was such a positive experience.

You might feel differently in a year or two. I know that twice was enough for me but I was glad that I was able to go through it again.

I had my daughter 6 years ago and I have not forgotten the trauma I went through. I would love another baby and so would my partner but I am so scared! I still have problems now because I was pushing for so long (3hrs) I ended up with an anal fissure which has never healed. I'm never pushing anything out of there again.
My sisters both had planned sections and their experiences were so lovely. I hate thinking about it, I can't watch OBEM either! And people keep telling me I've paved the way and I'll forget the experience but 6years on I have not. I would have another baby if I could guarantee a c section.

Oh god I really feel where you're coming from, bless you as I too felt utterly traumatised after horrendous 1st birth (won't go into details but suffice to say it was an utter nightmare). All I would say is:

1. You're early on, sleep deprived and still in the thick of recovery...you may change your mind. 3 years in I knew I wanted another child but could not forget or face birth again. You are entitled to ask for an elcs. The newborn phase is so tough, even with positive birth experiences!

1. If you feel the birth is making you suffer mentally, let your GP help. Talking things through really helped. I also wrote my experience down, sent it to the hospital and had a 'debrief' with the head of labour ward to get it off my chest. I was diagnosed with PTSD and PND and have had help & support with both.

1. Time heals. Despite my mental and physical woes, I did get better and am a very happy and fulfilled mummy. I feel blessed, and although the memories of the trauma remain (and always will), I have healed.

1. If you don't want any more children, also fine! I'm sure your LO is very lucky to have you, and you're doing a great job.

xx

I genuinely thought my first childbirth was out of a horror film. I was not present and honestly believed I was going to die. I have never experienced trauma like it and my poor husband was shell shocked. However, what I have discovered is that it's like that for a lot of women we just don't talk about it that much. Two years later I currently have a four month old so I did go back again. In my opinion the pure joy and love for your child does make it a distant memory. For what it's worth my second birth wasn't nearly as bad (not a doddle) but not as bad. You will feel differently I'm sure, in the meantime get through it as best as you can. Congratulations on your baby enjoy every second ❤️

I don't love to do it again. I was pregnant at 46 sadly it didn't follow through. I kayak and have stomach muscles so mashed up from two previous bigbabybirths I can feel them freak and tear every time I lift my arms over my head. I have a perineum that went for a stroll down a back alley during birth and forgot to come home. I have flaps that split into 3 with extra fronds.
I'd still risk all that again though.
Well, if I wasn't 50 this year. so no chance now anyway.

My 1sr DS wasn’t great- not awful, but 36 hours back to back, I couldn’t catch my breath and I used ALOT of energy at the end shouting ‘no forceps, ventous only!!’ Which I don’t know if it was this which meant he was but they tried that first... tears and an epidural that I’m still numb from. When I had my 2nd DS the whole thing was so much easier it was wonderful as I felt like I could breathe through the pain like I was supposed to, but I did then have nightmares and flash backs to DS1 birth. Definitely helped being able to chat the whole thing through with my mum in person who was around for DS2 to look after DS1!

Both my pregnancies had HG and both births weren’t very good 1st 36hrs 2nd 13 hrs, haemorrhaged twice after second, needed blood transfusion. Thought I was going to die. No more here. I’m thankful for the 2 beauties I have 💕

Hypnobirthing, perineal massage, the whole 9 yards as I was terrified of tearing or needing a c section, visualised this perfect birth even strongly considered a home birth ..... 9 months on Emergency c section under general anaesthetic baby in distress. Found the whole hospital experience traumatic! I was also trying to find a way to return to work after 6 weeks I HATED that first few weeks so much. Fast forward 6 months gutted to leave him when I did go back to work. Two years in my husband is desperate for another, although i’ve all but forgot the trauma i’m coming round to the idea but not in a hurry to come off contraception not until we can get my toddler to sleep past 5:30!!!! Please make sure you talk to your health visitor or anyone who’ll listen it helps deal with the trauma, a lot can change in two years!

I have an 11 month old DS and I feel the same as you.
Bringing him into the world took years as we suffered multiple losses, the labour part took 5 long days. I thought towards the end (in surgery having an assisted delivery via forceps) that I would die or DS would and that would be the culmination of the journey we had been on.
There isn’t much joy in the first few photos or memories.
I’ve decided that if we are lucky enough to have another I will request a planned section.

Yes. Felt very upset for a few months after I gave birth whenever I thought about the labour. It was the pain of the transition phase for me - I was so scared.
My DD is now 19 months old, I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd and am practicing Hypnobirthing and planning a home birth - I'm feeling empowered by the idea of taking control of my birth experience this time, feeling more prepared and less scared.
That said, I'd forgotten how shit the first trimester is and this is DEF my last one!!

Very traumatic birth with dd2, totally different experience the first time around. I like you look on one born every minute as a horror show.

I’m lucky in that I know it can go differently so it wouldn’t stop me having another, I would plan better, possibly save for a private midwife who could get to know me and be aware of previous issue, mine was a posterior cervix. I find that most traumatic births involve some kind of medical intervention that subsequently creates the problem. Mine was as simple as midwife pressuring me into an emergency hospital transfer after meconium in my waters. This didn’t bother me as both mine were born very ‘late’ and meconium comes with the territory with late comers, it isn’t the same red flag as it can be. However I moved despite being desperate to lay on my side and rock which was the exact same instinct I had with my first labour. This going against my instinct got baby in a positioning pickle and I spent hours in screaming agony unable to articulate what I thought was wrong. Eventually someone noticed and I was helped but it was hell for those hours.

There’s a design fault.

I vowed I'd never do it again after a crash section.

Here I am pregnant with number 2.

Definitely done after this one though!

My labour was really traumatic. I had flash backs and panic attacks about it for months. I still can't really bare to think about it.

But a year on we are trying for number two. Every labour is different and i hope that the next one will be a more joyful experience. If its not and its also horrible, so what I get a baby out of it.

Yep. I have never watched one born every minute since giving birth and I used to watch it all the time. It’s all bit misleading now haha.

Dd is nearly 5 and everyone for her first 2 years kept saying ahhhh you’ll forget the pain, you’ll have another. I haven’t. Not going there ever again. People have stopped saying it now.
I hope you feel back to yourself soon!