Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague left me stranded in the snow

469 replies

pissedoffnurse101 · 02/03/2018 16:42

Work alongside a colleague, I currently have no car and have been one of the only few people to get into work with all this bad snow. Today, we got the go ahead to go home and she has dropped me off to the closest train station. There is one train showing up as running in the opposite direction, no staff here at the station and no one available to collect me.

AIBU to think she could have driven the 20 minutes to drop me home (she has a 4x4)???

OP posts:
ItsThisOneThing · 03/03/2018 05:53

So many nasty replies!

You are not being unreasonable.

In that circumstance at the very least I would have waited with you in the warm car to check that your train came. Most likely I would have taken you straight home.

People need to try being kinder to each other.

SillySallySingsSongs · 03/03/2018 06:16

I’ve made her life easier by getting the train to the station closest to her house, despite this not being the closest station to our working location (which was closer to my home)

Entitled much. She made your life easier by taking you anywhere.

If I was her I wouldn't bother in future.

RaspberryPi1 · 03/03/2018 06:21

YABU. Firstly you weren't stranded in the snow, secondly is she some sort of mind reader? She has a car, she dropped you to the station. If there is a problem you should have mentioned it to her.

I'd recommend you thank her with something nice for getting you to the station. And you might want to check out your entitlement!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 03/03/2018 08:21

So many nasty replies!
In that circumstance at the very least I would have waited with you in the warm car to check that your train came. Most likely I would have taken you straight home
People need to try being kinder to each other

This ^
I am shocked by the responses on this thread.

Firstly, she not a friend. She's a work colleague. I may do things to help a friend out that I wouldn't for a work colleague who I only vaguely know.

Shouldn't make any difference - good people are kind to strangers all the time - it's basic humanity.

AlessandroVasectomi · 03/03/2018 08:22

For people who don’t have cars, anybody who does should offer lifts freely. Isn’t that how it works? I’ve encountered this attitude so often.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/03/2018 08:23

For starters it may not have only taken her 40 minutes.

It took my DH 2.5 hours to do 30 minute journey yesterday.

SillySallySingsSongs · 03/03/2018 08:24

For people who don’t have cars, anybody who does should offer lifts freely.

No they shouldn't. Are you going to pay toward petrol and up keep of their car?

BMW6 · 03/03/2018 08:34

I think Alessandro was being sarcastic sillysally. Hope so anyway.....

AlonsosLeftPinky · 03/03/2018 08:55

People need to try being kinder to each other.

Where I am we've had many roads closed, many severe road accidents including a spectacular 16 vehicle pile up which subsequently closed the motorway, and people stuck on roads for over a day in freezing temperatures and gale force winds.

The police have stated over and over that only those making essential journeys on the roads ought to be there, that those who aren't are putting themselves and others at risk. They have berated people making unnecessary journeys and have pleaded with them not to.

They have also issued advice to those travelling to be suitably equipped and clothed and to allow for very long delays so to bring warm drinks and blankets.

Would I fuck be going out of my way to take a colleague home.

Whisky2014 · 03/03/2018 08:56

The colleague didn't ditch you. You expected her to drive you home didn't ask her to or offer to pay fuel, you expect someone to do you a favour if you do something for them. You think 20 mins is acceptable to put someone out by although i bet it's 20 mins in normal conditions but would have been more like 40 in snow.
You got home. You could have called a taxi or a friend. You could drive yourself

Grow up

BertrandRussell · 03/03/2018 09:02

One of the deeply odd collectiveMumsnet things is the attitude to giving lifts. I really don’t get it. Of course she shouldn’t have left you until she knew there were trains running! And if they wren’t of course she should have taken you home. It’s a lift, not a kidney.

Whisky2014 · 03/03/2018 09:05

bert why should she have? Oh it's the kind and moral thing to do? We don't have to go out of our eay to help other so we get a sense of fulfilment in life. People are busy, maybe the colleague doesn't actually like her. She owes her nothing and from Op's attitude i probably woukdnt give her a lift either. This doesn't mean I'm a horrible bitch. I do loads of helpful and kind things but I do them when I can be arsed!

BertrandRussell · 03/03/2018 09:08

“Oh it's the kind and moral thing to do? We don't have to go out of our eay to help other so we get a sense of fulfilment in life”

Nothing to do with getting a sense of fulfillment in life. Everything to do with not leaving a person stranded at a railway station in the worst weather for however many years.

extinctspecies · 03/03/2018 09:09

Have you RTFT Bertrand? The OP checked her app which showed the trains were running fine - the app turned out to be wrong, the driver was not to know that.

lostmyfeckingkeysagain · 03/03/2018 09:15

Bertrand her colleague didn't know she was leaving her "stranded" though. OP checked online and it said her train was running. If OP didn't suspect the information online was incorrect how could her colleague (who doesn't even get the train) be expected to? From the colleagues perspective, she was making sure OP got home safely by delivering her to the station.

IllustriouslyIllogical · 03/03/2018 09:56

I really don’t get it.

We know you don't.

You rarely do seem to get it nowadays - is everything OK???

AlonsosLeftPinky · 03/03/2018 10:24

Nobody was stranded. A train was cancelled so the OP got a different one to a different place and then used the legs she had to walk from there to home.

She could have called a taxi, she could have called someone she knew, she could even have used a more reliable source of information than the train line to check whether the trains were running.

Or she could have just accepted the situation for what it was, the same situation countless people have found themselves in, and known that whilst she might not jump for joy at it taking longer and being more difficult than usual to get home, it really wasn't the end of the bloody world.

GnotherGnu · 03/03/2018 11:15

Of course she shouldn’t have left you until she knew there were trains running!

She had no reason to believe that they wouldn't be, OP having checked and told her they would.

And if they wren’t of course she should have taken you home. It’s a lift, not a kidney

Where does the obligation to take people home stop? I would hope you accept that it isn't a limitless one. The driver lived 5 minutes away from work, OP was expecting her to make a journey at the end of the day that would take at least 40 minutes. However, the reality is that, given the relevant weather conditions, it would take a lot more than that. So should the driver have taken OP home if it was going to take an hour? Two? Three? Should I have driven my colleague in the London area home to Yorkshire the other day because "it's only a lift:?

And none of that takes into account that the driver may well have had other responsibilities, e.g. towards her own children. Was she supposed to abandon those?

AlessandroVasectomi · 03/03/2018 11:29

Thank you BMW6. I was simply trying to say that some people who don’t own cars seem to think that the cars of others are (or should be) another form of public transport.

An example. I used to participate in a local neighbourhood online forum. One day a poster asked for a lift to our area hospital if anybody was going that way at a certain time as her son’s appointment was at a time that didn’t dovetail neatly with the bus timetable. She got replies along the lines of ‘have you considered a taxi?’ before she gave up and presumably considered alternative solutions.

Appuskidu · 03/03/2018 11:34

Lol at the people in this thread who don’t drive but are sure they would have driven everyone and their cat home in their magical never gets stuck 4x4 if only they weren’t too much a nervous driver to pass their test.

Absolutely!!

The amazingly altruistic and selfless attitude that some people on here have when offering things online surprises me. I wonder if they are really so perfect in their everyday life.

BertrandRussell · 03/03/2018 11:36

"The amazingly altruistic and selfless attitude that some people on here have when offering things online surprises me. I wonder if they are really so perfect in their everyday life."

You know, I often wonder the opposite. Are people really as mean spirited in real life as they are in here?

lostmyfeckingkeysagain · 03/03/2018 11:57

Nobody was stranded. A train was cancelled so the OP got a different one to a different place and then used the legs she had to walk from there to home

Exactly this. It's not a nice situation to be in so I can understand OP being pissed off but what I really can't understand is her insistence that it's her colleagues fault. It's not the colleagues fault that OP doesn't have a car, it's not her fault that it's snowing, it's not her fault the OP's train was cancelled, it's not her fault that the Trainline was giving out inaccurate information.
I also don't believe that anyone would think to offer to drive someone 40 minutes-1 hour out of their way on the off-chance that their train might be cancelled even though it says online it's running. It just wouldn't occur to them to do so. They might do it if they were asked but they wouldn't just intuit that this is what OP was expecting. I very rarely use public transport and until reading this thread I would have assumed that the Trainline gives accurate, up to date information. OP's colleague most likely thought the same.

It's clear from OP's updates that she doesn't like her colleague and it's twisting her view of the situation.

TheHolidayArmadillo · 03/03/2018 12:07

One person's "mean spirited" is another's "not making a martyr out of their self".

It's easy to be perfect online when you don't have to actually do anything.

BertrandRussell · 03/03/2018 12:34

Some peiple's definitions of both "martyr" and "perfect" are less stringent than mine...

TheHolidayArmadillo · 03/03/2018 12:43

Driving 40 minutes (in normal conditions, let's assume it would have taken at least twice that) out of your way for someone who was happy to be dropped at the station and who thought their train would be running as normal is pretty martyrish.