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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can he not want to see his baby

148 replies

Bryonie2017 · 02/03/2018 11:03

Left H mid January because I was really unhappy with him working away all the time. Moved in with my parents to get some support. DD is 7 months now.

He is welcome any time, but only sees her when he dosent have work. He has work 2 weeks straight so won't be seeing her for at least that long. I just don't get it! If I go out for the day I MISS her, 2 weeks would be awful. AIBU to want to shake him?

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 02/03/2018 11:10

I'm confused. How can he see his child if he is away at work for weeks on end. How far away?

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 02/03/2018 11:11

I'm sure he does miss her Hmm he isn't having a jolly, is he? Or is there a big drip feed? Did you really only leave him because he works away?

FooFighter99 · 02/03/2018 11:11

Did you bother to discuss how his job was making you unhappy, or did you just leave, taking his daughter with you, then slate him because he's working to provide for his family?

YABU

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 11:13

How is he supposed to see her if he's working?

Snowysky20009 · 02/03/2018 11:15

If he's working how can he see her?

SilverySurfer · 02/03/2018 11:16

It's sad he doesn't see her more but if he is working away for two week stretches how would that be possible? Answers on a postcard......

Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 02/03/2018 11:19

Of course I spoke to him! I was going mad with sleep depravation and developing serious physical symptoms of stress, what else was I supposed to do? I work too!

I get that he loves his job, but regularly leaving your child for weeks on end is something I don't understand! Am I really mad?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 02/03/2018 11:20

He is self employed BTW so can choose his hours - he just chooses all of them.

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 02/03/2018 11:20

Well what's the alternative? He takes her with him to work!? Confused

NerrSnerr · 02/03/2018 11:20

My husband works away a lot but we knew when he went for this job. He does miss the children when away but obviously doesn’t see them as he can’t drive a few hundred miles or fly back mid week just to see us. We don’t have family support but I have a network of friends I met at baby groups and other friends about an hour away.

Bluelady · 02/03/2018 11:21

Is he meant to be in two places at once? If that's a readily available super power I want it too.

Nicknacky · 02/03/2018 11:22

But if he doesn’t work then he doesn’t earn. You make it sound like he chooses not to see his child.

NerrSnerr · 02/03/2018 11:25

So many people work away. I'm assuming it maximises his earning potential to be away? I can empathise about the sleep deprivation, both mine are poor sleepers- I always make sure my husband takes the brunt of the bad nights when he's home from a work trip.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 02/03/2018 11:26

Some people honestly just aren't that in to kids, or have them to make their (ususaly female) partner happy. Or, he could be not adjusting well to being a parent, men can suffer with depression etc after a baby too.

Maybe he feels its majorly important now more than ever to work while there is work to save, provide, etc so he's working every hour there is.

Or, just maybe, he's realised having a child isn't what he expected and its not what he wants anymore. As unbelievable as it is to you, some people just don't want kids, and sadly some realise that after they've made them.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 02/03/2018 11:26

Didn't you discuss this before you got pregnant?

Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 02/03/2018 11:28

But the choice isn't no work or work 2 weeks straight and not see his family, the choice is take 3 jobs and see his kid or take 4 and not and it genuinely baffles me!

OP posts:
Steeley113 · 02/03/2018 11:29

He’s working, he’s providing. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a man who WANTS to provide for his child.

jaseyraex · 02/03/2018 11:30

I don't really understand why you're mad at him for not seeing the baby for two weeks when he'll be working for those two weeks.

only sees her when he dosent have work
Well, of course. He can't see her at work, can he?! Sorry OP, YABU in my opinion.

My husband used to have a job where he worked away a lot. Sometimes it would be a month before we saw him again. It was hard, but it was his job. It's how we lived!

Nicknacky · 02/03/2018 11:30

I presume now he needs to make as much money as possible as he will be paying you maintanence and also supporting himself. Needs must sometimes!

YellowMakesMeSmile · 02/03/2018 11:33

So you left him because he worked hard?

Strange how you didn't mind taking his child away from him but he's the bad guy for not seeing her whilst working Hmm

Penfold007 · 02/03/2018 11:34

Surely you knew his work pattern before you decided to have a baby? Maybe now you've ended the relationship he needs to work for many reasons including mortgage, bills, child support and so on.
I understand the sleep deprivation and the loneliness when a DP works away, I've been there and yes sometimes it really sucks. Have you spoken to your doctor to rule out postnatal depression?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 02/03/2018 11:36

I have to go away a lot for work, I haven’t seen them 8 days now.
I still miss them. I still love them. I’m still their Mum.
But I also love my job and it pays me lots of money to do fun things with them when I am home.

Andrewofgg · 02/03/2018 11:36

I am sorry for you both. This is a rotten state of affairs but of course many fathers do work which leads to it. Think of Army wives.

BrendasUmbrella · 02/03/2018 11:37

He’s working, he’s providing. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a man who WANTS to provide for his child.

I mean, I assume he is contributing, but the OP hasn't said that he is so it's probably best to stick to the information we've been given?

RedSkyAtNight · 02/03/2018 11:37

If you're self employed, not taking a job, might mean fewer opportunities later. So it's not as much of a "choice" as it might seem.

People are not bad parents just because they have jobs that mean they work away. People who work in the Forces can be away for weeks or months at a time - doesn't mean they don't care about their children!

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