Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can he not want to see his baby

148 replies

Bryonie2017 · 02/03/2018 11:03

Left H mid January because I was really unhappy with him working away all the time. Moved in with my parents to get some support. DD is 7 months now.

He is welcome any time, but only sees her when he dosent have work. He has work 2 weeks straight so won't be seeing her for at least that long. I just don't get it! If I go out for the day I MISS her, 2 weeks would be awful. AIBU to want to shake him?

OP posts:
pallisers · 02/03/2018 17:08

The standards people so many people think are acceptable for men are dismal - very depressing and so dismissive of men.

Also that so many on here are completely incapable of reading english is a bit worrying.

Teateaandmoretea · 02/03/2018 17:09

Yeah but she's a woman downthestrada. So she is selfish for going out to work and maintaining her career. She should be at home tending to dh's every need and making sure that she looks pretty when he gets home occasionally so that he doesn't stray. After all he works all hours God sends and is a wonderful selfless provider Hmm

C0untDucku1a · 02/03/2018 17:10

Ffs op you cant possibly expect the menz to work AND do some parenting?! Surely?!

Hmm
C0untDucku1a · 02/03/2018 17:12

awwlookatmybabyspider it is work and never see your children, or never work and smoke weed all day. There are other options. Like being a responsible parent. Working what’s necessary to provide along with meeting parenting responsibilities. The main pne being actually seeing your child.

Nicknacky · 02/03/2018 17:14

As soon as a poster refers to “menz” I struggle to take their point seriously.

Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 02/03/2018 17:17

Again: I HAVE A JOB! a full time job! My stbxh does not support me, and frankly with the child maintenance the government says he should pay he is not supporing DD either.

The only reason I am living with my parents instead of on my own is that I don't have childcare for my daughter that covers my time out of the house WORKING AT MY JOB.

I had a good maternity package too so since I have been pregnant I have never not had money coming in.

My issue is that I find it hard enough being at work during the day and only seeing DD evenings and weekends, and can't imagine not seeing her at all for weeks at a time. Because I love her. Because I'm her parent.

I am looking for a new job at the moment because I want to see her more, so I don't understand why my h is so fine without seeing her.

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 02/03/2018 17:19

I find it hard to take posters seriously who come out with comments ike this:

I get confused as to what men are supposed to do

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/03/2018 17:20

I'm perplexed. I really am.

OP cant cope with a baby so shes gone running back home to mum and dad, who presumably pick up the slack in her life?

Dear fucking God. What do service wives do when their partner is in Afghanistan?

I despair. I really do. Sorry Princess, but you're at home, it becomes YOUR JOB to run the house and home and facilitate the wage earner until you get back to full time work. (Thereafter it goes back to 50/50)But you've got Mum and Dad to subsidise you now, and do all your child care. That's the bottom line of it.

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 02/03/2018 17:22

Oh dear god - people genuinely cannot read.

Idontdowindows · 02/03/2018 17:22

NewYear

As OP has said numerous times: SHE HAS A JOB AND IS THE WAGE EARNER!

Her husband had said he would go back from 7 to 6 to spend one piddling fnarking day with his family and reneged on that as well.

OuchBollocks · 02/03/2018 17:25

This thread has seriously brought out the hard of thinking and those that weren't made to do comprehension exercises in primary school Hmm

BumDisease · 02/03/2018 17:27

When I was little my dad worked night shift 5 days a week. I only really saw him at weekends and my mum was pretty much a single parent Monday to Friday. He did this so that we were fed and had a home.

downthestrada · 02/03/2018 17:29

Fucking hell. It goes on and on and on.

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 02/03/2018 17:30

When I was little my dad worked night shift 5 days a week. I only really saw him at weekends and my mum was pretty much a single parent Monday to Friday. He did this so that we were fed and had a home.

Er yes, lots of people do this.

It's not really the same as working 7 days a week and never seeing your baby though is it?

downthestrada · 02/03/2018 17:31

BumDisease The OP is working full time to make sure her child is fed and has a home.

Nicknacky · 02/03/2018 17:37

She lives with her parents. I do wonder if there are financial issues if the op is working her own long hours with such a young baby even though she lives with her parents and not paying childcare. Maybe that’s why he works all hours god sends.

OuchBollocks · 02/03/2018 17:38

My DH works night shifts. He gets in at 8/9am, and gets up around 3.30/4 so that he can help with dinner and bedtime before he goes to work. Because he's an involved parent. Its not a race to the bottom people.

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 02/03/2018 17:40

She lives with her parents. I do wonder if there are financial issues if the op is working her own long hours with such a young baby even though she lives with her parents and not paying childcare. Maybe that’s why he works all hours god sends.

And yet he's sending her very little money - as she said up there (I know reading is inconvenient).

OuchBollocks · 02/03/2018 17:41

Oh my god. So the STBXH working all the hours and never seeing his child is fine, because doing otherwise might jeopardise his business at some hypothetical point in the future, but the OP (with a long commute and not receiving maintenance) leaves early in the morning so they must be in financial difficulties? Surely it couldn't just be that she's a good employee who doesn't want to throw her career away? Especially as she's clearly outearning her ex if you go on an hourly rate.

Nicknacky · 02/03/2018 17:41

Sorry, what’s with the “I know reading is inconvenient “?

OuchBollocks · 02/03/2018 17:42

Because nick you're making stuff up. If they were in financial difficulties the OP is unlikely to have asked her husband to earn less would she?

Nicknacky · 02/03/2018 17:44

How am I making things up? I wondered if it was a possibility, I didn’t proclaim it as fact. Now THAT would have been me making things up.

Original poster
Bryonie2017 · 02/03/2018 17:50

Believe me if childcare existed that would take my daughter 6am-6pm I would not be living with my parents! I am obviously looking for a job closer to home so I'll need less support and can use normal childcare!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 02/03/2018 17:54

Your DH has a job which involves working away and working long hours. I don't think he sat down and thought how can I avoid seeing my DD. I know I'll get a job which involves working away. Did he have this job before you had your DD. I know you said that he said he would go down to 6 days but maybe he couldn't.

You are the one who moved away and made it even more difficult for him to see his DD. And yet he is getting all the blame.

pallisers · 02/03/2018 17:56

I'm perplexed. I really am.

Yes you really are.

I often wondered who fails those simple comprehension exercises in school. Now I know.

Swipe left for the next trending thread