to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

"Abso" most people when they looking to return to their profession want some credit against their previous qualifications or experience. If you are prepared to take the time and expense to retrain and practically start from scratch, I don't think a career gap would be a huge issue if all you want is a job for your renewed qualifications. People retain their registration to not have to go through the retraining process. You have not and you will have to go through it again. Not sure how nursing is different from any other vocation.

Oh I wasn't asking, I realised she'd have lost registration. I meant there seem to be lots of nurses who have a few years mostly out but keep their hand in, then go back later. Sorry if that was unclear. 150 hours over 3 years is one bank shift a month, there isn't really the facility to do that in my profession. Freelance I guess but you'd have to think about generating work.

Erm you didnt -you said nurses have to sign a statement every 3 years.
Clearly you havent revalidated if you think thats what revalidation is .

If you are starting from scratch then you could start from scratch in any career .
Thete is no difference

you said nurses have to sign a statement every 3 years. but they do?!

Obviously I didn't meet the requirements for maintaining registration which is why I signed to request my name is removed from the register.

I feel like I'm having a different conversation what an odd thread de-rail.

I'm off now as this is taking up too much of my day!

last time I looked it was 450 hours work and 30 hours study over 3 years (you have to sign a registration declaration every 3 years to say you've met your minimum registration requirements).
^^what I said

Nurses are required to revalidate every 3 years -providing practice hours,evidence of CPD,feedback from colleagues for the previous 3 years.
^^what you said....

How is that any different?

Because its not like the old "provide a statement-"you have to prove it to your Revalidator at a formal meeting where you provide your evidence from the past 3 years .If they are satisfied then they sign your revalidation form.
Yes then you complete the online declaration plus provide your Revalidators pin/details.
Maybe its the language you used -describing nursing as easy to go back to,when in reality its not !
Its the same or even more rigorous than other professions and so it should be .
To address the issue of bank work -handy if you need to work around your OH but as I said up thread most banks have a minimum number of shifts per week -you are interviewed and recruited in exactly the same way .
Ours is 22.5 per week .
The disadvantages are no sick pay/increments etc

Why are people now all piling in about nursing? Abso has said she's probably not returning anyway.

It came up as part of the thread ?
Piling in ?
Or correcting nonsense posted about nursing as a profession as per

Correcting "nonsense"? Please quote exactly where I have said something that directly contradicts anything you have said, or is factually incorrect and also please quote where I said I was "easy" to get back into...???

Honestly, I think you've misinterpreted my posts or read them through a different filter/influence

This is all so.....odd

Would you be supportive of women who chose to SAH in situations where it is a genuine choice or do you feel that the only way to model gender equality is by both parents working?

I guess is what it all boils down to................is the respect there for women who've made this choice?

My kids are 18 and 15. I went back to work FT first time after 9 months, second after 5 months. I've worked FT ever since. Do I regret it? Yes and No, but more No than Yes.

No regrets because of the experiences and opportunities they have had because of the money. I became a single mum when they were toddlers and received no maintenance from their dad. Initially, with childcare costs etc, I was hardly better off but with hard work and dedication, I did go up the ladder and my income doubled in 18 years.

No because I've asked my kids if they'd have preferred me being a sahm, in all honestly (my kids do say things as they are, even if it's not what I want to hear) and both have said not.

Yes because even though I am proud of both of them and what they have become, proud that they are much more mature than the average kids their age and certainly more independent, I don't feel we are as close as many parents are with their kids.

Yes because I've been exhausted for most of that time, giving everything to them but paying for it myself by growing more and more tired each year.

I was referring to your post of 14.05 where you state Nursing is one of the few remaining professions where you can take a few years off and return to without it affecting your longterm employability .

Yes you could retrain but you can retrain for anything or something else all together and start a new career. Theres no difference .
If you take a few years off -you dont meet the requirements for revalidation.
An example of how a nurse could fail to reach the Revalidation requirements
Year 1 (12 months mat leave)
Year 2 and 3 -SAHM
Thats it -you cant revalidate and are then removed from the register .
You dont apply to go-they remove you.

Very few nurses come back after 1 year mat leave plus 1 year off.
They would lose their pay increments/holiday increments/pension would change . They either stay or go -
Nurses leave and generally dont come back-why would they ?
Working conditions are dire .
The largest group leaving nursing are

*I will add that it was one of the reasons I switched from a career in Psychology to Nursing - because I think Nursing is one of the few remaining careers where you can take time out of without it adversely affecting your long term employability.

Obviously in the short term I have given up my registration. But I can get it back if I want it and get a graduate nursing job within a few years. And then start where I left off.

Maybe it's because many ward and department managers and specialist nurses are women and mothers themselves, so are more respectful of and value the caring work that SAHMs do. I've certainly had several managers who've taken many years out to raise their families and when I questioned them about whether it would affect future employability (i.e. Would it influence them when interviewing a potential candidate) they said it wouldn't bother them. Maybe because the work of nursing itself is caring orientated?*

This is your post. From your subsequent clarification, nursing is no different from any other vocation. You will have to retrain if you don't keep your hand almost constantly in doing bank work, as you would with any other vocation.

Your point about nursing is a non-point.

Yes you could retrain but you can retrain for anything or something else all together confused and start a new career. Theres no difference

I disagree. I think it would be harder to enter many other professions at age 40+ after a decade or more out of work. I don't think you'd get past the application process. And even if you redid you previous degree (let's say Law for example) how many corporate law firms are going to employ at 45 year old with children over a 20 year old child-free graduate?

I just meant that a career break and your family status doesn't affect your ability to get a graduate job once you have met the job and registration requirements. Lots of my old colleague hadn't even entered the profession until aged 40-50.

Apologies if my opinion is wrong. It was just my opinion which I expressed in a quickly typed message between washing up, making food and supervising DD playing in the sand box.

I wasn't anticipating cross examination in forensic detail

Thats it -you cant revalidate and are then removed from the register .
You dont apply to go-they remove you.

When I did it the NMC sent me a revalidation form and I ticked the box to say I was no longer practicing and to remove me from the register.......?
Maybe that's not how it's done now but I can only tell you that's what I did

Abso if you retrain as a lawyer as a 45 year old, you can probably get a job as a lawyer, leaving aside the question of a training contract which is being phased out anyway.

It is not likely to a job at a corporate law firm though never say never as many City and large firms are keen to show their diversity and inclusion stripes.

There are many areas that a retrained late-in-life lawyer can go into, be it in-house at a company, government service or even setting up by themselves. It may not be as easy for a re-trained lawyer to find a job as a re-trained nurse, but then again, nursing is so hungry for bodies because it is something that there is a chronic shortage of due to dire work conditions which is not a good advert for returning retrained mothers in general anyway.

No I don’t regret it. Not worrying about money is wonderful and we have all sorts of freedoms.. great holidays, the kids can do any clubs they want and there is money for cinema trips etc. I work flexibly and still see them a lot. As for me, I won’t be a skint pensioner and will be able to help them through uni etc. I am SO glad to still be working. My kids have a great life and have never once wished I was at home doing their laundry more!

Just forget I said it then. Clearly it's bollocks/nonsense/a non point.

And it's derailing the thread.

I'm sure you're not meaning to but this is all starting to feel very personal like my words are being over analyzed and torn apart and it's not particularly pleasant from my side

Oh sorry I was coming from the fear of not doing it properly and them removing you !
The fear is real !

Sadly abso since the bursary was removed there has been a huge drop in numbers of mature students applying.
Its a nightmare and wont get better anytime soon
Bloody government

I think it's a pretty shitty thing to blame a mother for everything her son thinks and says! "Checklist" your son has said something really shitty to you but for other posters to blame you directly as the sole cause of a crap attitude is appalling - what about his father, his relatives, his friends, his environment, his teachers, the media, genetics? Oh forget all those influences the mother is solely to blame - really? Isn't that ironic!

I thought it was fairly tongue in cheek and along the lines of saying your DC see children going to afterschool club and feeling so sad for them -sad face
Ie rather an exageration and a dig, which is why I said it.
Mind you if my DC so rude and ignorant I would most certainly blame myself for not having pulled them up

Couldn’t leave baby with strangers?hell I couldn’t wait to get mine I to nursery
I’d suggest you have no chance of successful nursery transition if you consider the staff strangers

I always find it strange that people say leaving a child in nursery is like leaving with a stranger but then happily send them off to school where the same applies rather than home educate.