TO BE ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS? FAMILY MEMBER PUT DS IN THE SNOW

[BLUESEAPARADISE]

Had a family member around this afternoon and they wanted to take DS (9) out in the snow. DS is developmentally 9-18 months old and has a list of health issues and sensory issues.
I told family member that DS struggled this morning when we went to the doctors as he hated the snow and the cold and said that I didn't want family member to take him outside as I knew it would cause problems. I then had to quickly leave to go back to the doctors to get DS prescription as it was then ready leaving DS with family member ( as I didn't want to take DS Out in the snow to go to the doctors!) when I returned I heard a child crying and screaming and quickly realised it was DS in the back garden with family member .. I rushed around the back to find DS stood crying, pointing to the house and Family Member gently chucking snow balls at his feet laughing and trying to get DS to make snowballs. I quickly stepped in and got DS inside and later spoke to Family member .. apparently I am being unreasonable and should " relax and not wrap him in cotton wool " as Family member just wanted to let DS explore the snow and experience it properly and that " DS will calm down and needs realise snow is ok in the end"

DS is currently hiding under his blanket feeling extremely sorry for himself and won't let anyone go near him 😢😭

AIBU? I told them that DS struggled with the snow this morning and that I didn't want him to go outside but they ignored me or do I need to stop " wrapping him in cotton wool" and let people try and introduce things to DS and let DS know it's okay to try new things?

The Family member isn't DS parent.

This is awful OP, I was genuinely very upset reading it.

My DS is 15 months, and for some reason is terrified of the snow- hysterical sobbing the 2 times we’ve stood him in it. Obviously we responded appropriately by removing him from the situation, and comforting him. I am gently encouraging him to play in the snow still, but he’s not having any of it! I would be very angry if somebody else took it upon themselves to do what your family member did.

Hope your DS is ok

Down Syndrome does not equate to a 9yo with developmental level of a 9-18month old child.
There's "wrapping in cotton wool" and then there's "caring about your child's well being and not putting them into a state of discomfort and fear completely unnecessarily".
OP did the latter.
OP's family member is an uncaring fuckwit with no understanding of the situation.

"I don’t believe in wrapping kids in cotton wool sn or not."

So you would make a child do something even though they are communicating that they are finding the experience very distressing?
YANBU op. You know your child best. My son also has severe sn and our outings into the snow have been very carefully planned and any 'playing' in the snow has gone entirely at his pace.

FFS it isn't wrapping them up in cotton wool. For someone with sensory issues it would be PHYSICALLY PAINFUL not just a bit cold.

Vanessa my DS has sensory auditory issues. Basically he meltdowns if something is too loud. It is PHYSICALLY painful if it is too loud. It's not just painful for a little bit, it's painful for hours. He screams and cries for hours. And I'm not talking typical toddler crying, I'm talking full on ear piercing high pitched screaming. It sounds like I'm bloody murdering him. Sensory issues aren't just oh I don't like that, it's bloody painful, it hurts them and distressed them to the point of they can't calm down and do you know the worst bit?

they can't understand a god damn fucking bit of it. Of why it actually hurts. Why they don't like it but they sure as hell know it damn well fucking hurts.

Thanks Queen you put it much better than me!

Very well explained Queen it must be heartbreaking OP

Lots of experience with it, DS can't even cope with his sister who's a year old crying, the equivalent of this would be for ds would be turning the tv too loud, then refusing to turn it down, yanno just for the shits and giggles

Op your family member is a total twat.

Don’t let them tell you you are wrapping them in cotton wool. Tell them exactly what they have done wrong and if they try and talk over you don’t let them. Get angry, get cross. Let them know how badly they have behaved and do not let them have your child unsupervised again.

You absolutely have the right to be positively infuriated. You have more than enough right to beyond angry. I would be. That would genuinely be the last they saw of my DS without me there. I couldn't be able to trust them to take into account DS's needs and wants. He can't verbalize how he is feeling, so you need to do it for him, and goddamnit, get angry and let them know it!

Vanessatiger if your niece has sensory issues and you would force her into a situation where she was visibly distressed against the knowledge of her parent and then find it funny you're a shit aunty and I'd worry for your daughter. In fact with our without the sensory issues, any one who would do this effectively to a baby needs to seriously stay away from young children

Thankyou everyone I am still absolutely furious ... it really is awful what that person did to DS 😭 I told them he HATES the snow! DS spent his evening hiding under his blanket and upon removing the blanket I discovered he had been bitting his arm and hand and as a result were very slightly bleeding .. my poor DS had no idea what was going on yesterday and that evil family member got him so stressed!😭😭 I am never leaving him with that family member again.. ever.

Ds is out of his blanket this morning however he has insisted that all the curtains in the house stay closed and is very weary when I go to leave the room!

I'm not sure why anyone would be stupid enough to think that having a niece with Down Syndrome is comparable to having a son with developmental delay and sensory issues?

OP, you'll know yourself that this isn't a "normal" set of circumstances for introducing a child to snow, and that it's best done gradually to get him used to the idea. Your family member is an arse. If they're on your partner's side get your partner to address them, if they are on yours I'd be having a strong conversation before leaving your child in their care again.

I would be literally baying for blood.

The FM should not have gone behind your back, but is it possible they had good intentions?

'Chucking snowballs gently at your ds's feet' is not the same thing as throwing them at ds's head.

Was ds wrapped up for the cold?

You could try saying something like 'I told you ds hated the cold. Why did you do that? In future, please listen to me. I know ds best.'

Did the family member know how badly ds would react, and how long his reaction would last? Sorry he has been so upset, and hope he is calmer today.

bittern79 if you told me your child HATED the snow and I waited for you to go out then took them out in it anyway and then when they started to get hysterical I just carried on playing and laughing, would tou really care if I thought that would be his reaction or not?
If op had got home and they were back inside, the family member was really apologetic and was trying to comfort them, it would be better and I might trust they'd not do it again. A lack or remorse at upsetting a child is worrying

Oh the poor darling

I really hope that the snow melts away quickly

I exit this thread. You guys are way loopy... bye bye
It’s way loopy to think you don’t force a kid with sn’s and sensory issues into a situation they already know they hate as others have said there’s way way better ways to introduce snow slowly and that’s not chucking snow at them outside.
If someone was scared of spiders I wouldn’t force them into a room and throw spiders at them either, just cruel to do that.

This is how you learn who you can trust with your disabled DS...very few people unfortunately....
You listen to your child's non verbal cues....other people can't do that !!!
I'm sorry. I only have 2 people I trust with my DS. He is 8 now!

If protecting a child from a situation they will find extremely stressful, scary and potentially painful is wrapping them in cotton wool then so be it.

Furious on your behalf op. Your poor boy. Xxx

You are not being unreasonable at all.
I would be put out too as they went against your wishes behind your back. It's YOUR child and you know him best. When it's ever time to help him face his fear if the snow, he will need you there and only you should decide when the time is right. They probably meant well, so no nesd to make a big scene, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Now he might be even more scared!
I would ask them as politely as possible to not go against you if they ever want to be trusted around him again. Good luck xx

In order to get DS in the car today we've been throwing snowballs at the window ...the kids have been bringing it in on thier shoes do we've investigated together and finally we brought in a snowball on a playtray and we've explored it together .... He suffers in the cold too and will have seizures so yeah ...it takes lots of work .... family member was a complete twat!!! Poor guy xxxx

Hope your DS I feeling better soon