TO BE ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS? FAMILY MEMBER PUT DS IN THE SNOW

[BLUESEAPARADISE]

Had a family member around this afternoon and they wanted to take DS (9) out in the snow. DS is developmentally 9-18 months old and has a list of health issues and sensory issues.
I told family member that DS struggled this morning when we went to the doctors as he hated the snow and the cold and said that I didn't want family member to take him outside as I knew it would cause problems. I then had to quickly leave to go back to the doctors to get DS prescription as it was then ready leaving DS with family member ( as I didn't want to take DS Out in the snow to go to the doctors!) when I returned I heard a child crying and screaming and quickly realised it was DS in the back garden with family member .. I rushed around the back to find DS stood crying, pointing to the house and Family Member gently chucking snow balls at his feet laughing and trying to get DS to make snowballs. I quickly stepped in and got DS inside and later spoke to Family member .. apparently I am being unreasonable and should " relax and not wrap him in cotton wool " as Family member just wanted to let DS explore the snow and experience it properly and that " DS will calm down and needs realise snow is ok in the end"

DS is currently hiding under his blanket feeling extremely sorry for himself and won't let anyone go near him 😢😭

AIBU? I told them that DS struggled with the snow this morning and that I didn't want him to go outside but they ignored me or do I need to stop " wrapping him in cotton wool" and let people try and introduce things to DS and let DS know it's okay to try new things?

The Family member isn't DS parent.

Deffo not BU! I’d have been fuming too. Poor lil guy :( I hope he feels better soon

I think you need to let it go and possibly stop wrapping him in cotton wool. It's annoying when people don't listen to instructions but I'm sure they didn't mean any harm. Perhaps it would be good for your son to introduce him to new things gradually? Hope he's ok

Wow. I think I’d murder them

Itsbecauseimaleo are you the family member?!

So they essentially forced a toddler to stay outside when they obvs didn’t like it? Twat! Hope he’s ok bless him and obvs don’t leave him with them if you can help it again as they can’t be trusted

That is terrible! How cruel. I wouldn't be letting the family member anywhere near DS ever again. So sorry this happened.

Poor boy :( I think they showed a blatant disregard to the feelings of both you and your son. Regardless of whether you SHOULD be doing different things with him - that's up to you to decide. Not them! It clearly wasn't in his best interests. I'd be absolutely furious. I hope he's ok soon.

Your family member is a nasty piece of work. I would go apeshit if someone did this to my son who is also developmentally delayed.

Perhaps it would be good for your son to introduce him to new things gradually?

That wasn't gradual though. Bringing in a bowl of snow, reading books about snow, watching videos about snow etc are all gradual. Taking him to the doctors in the snow (as OP had done) is gradual. Throwing snowballs at him is not.

I'd be very annoyed.

I'd've wrapped half a house brick in snow, and wanged it at family member's head. Hope your DS is feeling better.

I’d be very pissed off, really I would. But if that family member hadn’t been around, and you needed to get the prescription... would you have had to take DS out in the snow? Not that that excuses the family member, but I also see a huge difference in my friends son who has ASD and is one of four children compared to another friends son of the same age with ASD who is an only child. He is far more rigid with his likes and dislikes and cannot seem to cope with change or scenarios as he hasn’t ever had to really due to his single child status. Sometimes being out of the comfort zone with loving support can be good for children even those with Additional needs.
So I guess if someone who cares about you and normally cares about DS too thinks you wrap him in cotton wool and maybe don’t give him any gentle coaxing out of his comfort zones at all... then maybe you can think about it.

I would never, ever let that person have unsupervised access again.

He essentially put a BABY out in the snow, ffs.

I'm so sorry OP, and after the great stuff earlier too :(

oh Blue how horrible for your and your ds. I'd be furious with your family member - ignore their comments about "cotton wool" etc. I hope it doesn't knock your ds back - his development (verbal) has been immense from what you've shared on here. Hope he can come out from his blanket when he's ready

The last time we had snow my youngest was around 18 months old. I took her out in it, she hated it and cried, so we came back in again and watched it through the window. That's a normal reaction to a child hating something, surely! Not lobbing snowballs at them! I'm sure they meant well but it must be very frustrating that the family member doesn't trust you to act in your child's best interests.

9-18 months age mentally. What arseholes. If he's 9, they are seeing his actual age not his mental age. They need educating.

Yanbu op. If his sensory difficulties mean he dislikes it I imagine it chucks him out of kilter for a while after.

I don't think there is anything wrong per se with putting a baby or toddler in snow. Absolutely fine as long as they're appropriately dressed.

But this is a toddler who has very defined and clearly known difficulties, which his mother has asked relatives to respect. Any attempt to get him to overcome these should be gentle, gradual, and under the supervision of his parents. Not what happened here.

I'd be fuming too- and I'm a real dyed-in-the-wool Scandinavian let's-chuck-them-out-in-the-snow parent.

Very very cruel of the family member. I would not leave your DS unsupervised with them again.

How awful for your son, I hope he feels better soon.

itsbecause you either didn't read the OP or have no experience of special needs.

Sorry, missed the first sentence and read age as his mental age. But makes no difference, this is a child with real, defined, well-known difficulties. And if he were an adult, it would be no different: doing this is cruel.

My ds is 23 and has sensory issues, autism and developmental delay. He has only just started to enjoy the snow. No way would I have forced him outside. Awful.

I’ve read your last two threads, how well your ds is doing and commented. Poor lad, I hope he calms soon. Family member was a right idiot. However they’re seeing chronological not developmental age. Time for some adult education!

Having snowballs chucked at you is hardly put of your comfort zone with loving support. It's just bloody cruel.

And you can't blame parents for how their kids react to weather. One of mine struggles greatly with weather outside of 12c, not windy, not bright, not foggy and not wet. The other would probably gladly tear through the current snow in just a t-shirt and find it hilarious. Not that we can get a coat on him to do it any differently.