TO BE ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS? FAMILY MEMBER PUT DS IN THE SNOW

[BLUESEAPARADISE]

Had a family member around this afternoon and they wanted to take DS (9) out in the snow. DS is developmentally 9-18 months old and has a list of health issues and sensory issues.
I told family member that DS struggled this morning when we went to the doctors as he hated the snow and the cold and said that I didn't want family member to take him outside as I knew it would cause problems. I then had to quickly leave to go back to the doctors to get DS prescription as it was then ready leaving DS with family member ( as I didn't want to take DS Out in the snow to go to the doctors!) when I returned I heard a child crying and screaming and quickly realised it was DS in the back garden with family member .. I rushed around the back to find DS stood crying, pointing to the house and Family Member gently chucking snow balls at his feet laughing and trying to get DS to make snowballs. I quickly stepped in and got DS inside and later spoke to Family member .. apparently I am being unreasonable and should " relax and not wrap him in cotton wool " as Family member just wanted to let DS explore the snow and experience it properly and that " DS will calm down and needs realise snow is ok in the end"

DS is currently hiding under his blanket feeling extremely sorry for himself and won't let anyone go near him 😢😭

AIBU? I told them that DS struggled with the snow this morning and that I didn't want him to go outside but they ignored me or do I need to stop " wrapping him in cotton wool" and let people try and introduce things to DS and let DS know it's okay to try new things?

The Family member isn't DS parent.

I'd be furious too.
You said specifically not to do something and the family member did the opposite because 'they knew best'. If your DS didn't have special needs, that would still be wrong.

Makes my blood boil!!!

(something my family would have done)

Hope your little DS is ok x

It's hard enough to have a non typical child to cope with out unsupportive family
It was disrespectful of them
my friends and family have rules/ routines which I find silly but I would never disregard them to prove a point

I think it showed an ignorance of your son's SEN and was a misguided idea. I don't agree that it was "evil" or sadistic as some are saying.

When things calm down I hope your family member apologises. Hope your son recovers from his ordeal soon.

MiL, who is normally very active hates the snow. DH and I see if she needs anything to save her from going out. Should I tell her to get out of her comfort zone and get her arse to Budgens whilst throwing snowballs at her?

OP I hope your DS is OK

YANBU - I would have been furious at the arrogance and lack of respect for your word.

Reading this made me mad. Family member is a bully and can't be trusted.

I am not suprised that you feel this way OP. Very upsetting for your son and for you to witness. I saw your earlier post today and you were so happy that your boy said No. Such a shame that this took place after such a magical moment.

I have no experience of children with SEN but even a child with no issues should be respected if they don’t want to go out in the snow (unless they really have to). I wouldn’t let that person near my child if that was me.
How did you manage not to punch them, hard?

“Introduce new things gradually “ wow OP bet you wish you’d thought of that after 9 years bringing up your son .....
Hope he’s ok x

I'm so sorry. That was a horrible thing to do, and I wouldn't leave your son with that person again because they clearly do not respect what you know to be best, nor are the capable of taking cues from your son.

They aren't a safe person for him.

I also have a child with sensory issues, and I cannot stomach it when people want to torture my child because of something the adult thinks is "fun." Life really is hard enough for children with disabilities; they don't need to forced into situations that are horrible for them because other people think those situations are "fun." Kids, even kids with special needs, have the right to have fun in ways that are actually fun for them.

YANBU, this is the same as 'tickling' a child til they cry. Funny for the person doing it if they are a sadist.

YANBU. Your family member is a twat, in a charitabe mind I would say they just do not understand.

I have a dd with sensory issues but she loves snow, but I have heard of others very bothered by snow.

Maybe if you ever trust this relative again you need to explain if in a way they understand. Maybe it is like taking someone with a spider phobia and sticking their hand in a spiders' cage and saying it's OK it's not a poisonous spider, they won't die!

People who don't have issues around every day things do not understand those who do. Issues are not solved by exposing people to things in a random way. They may change, with time, my dd's sensory issues have changed a bit. But they may not and your son needs respect and care this relative does not seem willing or able to give.

PS yes spiders don't live in cages, I know!

Another one for murder here sprinkle!

YANBU. Disrespectful and unkind to you and DS. I took DGD out to play in the snow today but only because she asked to go out again. After 30 minutes she wanted to go in again so we did. Your family
Member was cruel and insensitive and I’d have been fuming.

That wasn't fair on your DS, I'm sorry he had to go through that.

YANBU you gave them instructions not to. To me that's the end of it it's not up to them to override your decision.

Introducing new things to a child with sensory issues is a slow, sensitive, careful process.

The OP can’t just ‘let it go’ because even in the face of the child’s distress and the OP’s reaction, the family member was unrepentant and critical. They are highly likely to do the same thing again.

And sorry, itsbecause but I don’t see how anyone acting ‘with the best intentions’ can stand throwing snowballs at a crying 9 year old with learning disability.

That sounds awfully bullyish. Is the family member young/teenage?

You are definitely nbu. Hope he is ok xx

The family member is ignorant and abusive.😡
Who continues to throw snowballs at the feet of a distressed child.
For you Blue 💐

Poor little lad. I hope he feels better soon. I wouldn’t let that family member have unsupervised access again, that’s really not on what they did

Jesus wept, that is atrocious behaviour. Certainly no more unsupervised access, ever, and frankly I'd be telling them to fuck right off and not see them again ever either. Your poor lad :(

Not ur at all! No matter what you're him mother and your rules should be obeyed

Very cruel to do this to a child who has severe SN that he is the mental age of a toddler, causing him distresss and anxiety, what an idiot. I woukd not leave your ds with them again, I just coukd not trust them. Next thing you know, they might send him out to the park on his own as that's what other 9 year olds do.