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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

367 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 18:34

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 01/03/2018 20:57

One of my relatives lives in Kent. They are completely snowed in and the lane leading to their house is impassable.

Your 'D'H's confidence in his driving abilities is completely misguided and arrogant. He could be the best fucking driver in the world and it won't make a jot of difference when the person behind you can't stop in time - and if they happen to be a lorry or large truck...

I find it staggeringly ironic that he's so desperate for your kids to see his family that he is willing to risk your lives and safety to get them there.

LineysShanks · 01/03/2018 20:58

Is there someone in his family who's going to throw a tantrum at him over this?

I remember doing some ill-advised journeys over the years to stop my mother and one of my sisters throwing the whole passive aggressive crying dramas / guilt trips. I was nuts.

No more. But it took a while getting there.

Is his family quite manipulative? Or is he just a knob?

boatyardblues · 01/03/2018 20:58

Lovelyusername - you’re not the OP’s DH are you?

jelliebelly · 01/03/2018 20:58

Where are other people travelling from?

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 01/03/2018 20:58

I wouldn't chance it. I'm in Cumbria where it isn't as bad as other parts of the country and visibility on the roads is zero.

Police have put an appeal out for people not to enter or leave the county unless absolutely necessary.

Patsypedalo · 01/03/2018 21:00

This thread has given me the RAGE, what sort of twat dad ignores ALL the warnings like this?

Not only is he willing to risk the lives of his kids for the sake of a birthday party (yes he's sad he might not be able to go, boo-hoo-grow-the-fuck-up), but is he a weather-man? Does he understand what's going on outside? Has he even seen the news?! What sort of entitled shit is he to believe that none of that applies to him?!

People are dickheads

GooseberryJam · 01/03/2018 21:00

My parents would be telling us not to travel under these circumstances, however much they wanted to see us.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 01/03/2018 21:01

Yellow warning for snow and ice in Dover tomorrow.

P&O sailing disruptions updates - as of an hour ago there were delays of up to 90 minutes. It's due to snow there overnight and again tomorrow AND 25mph winds with gusts of up to 45mph.

plominoagain · 01/03/2018 21:01

I’m very very confident in my driving abilities . I should be , seeing as I’m an advanced driver , trained to drive different kinds of emergency vehicles in all sorts of conditions , including snow . I’m still not driving my personal vehicle to work , which is a 100 mile commute , because the roads are too icy , and frankly too bloody dangerous to make it worth the risk . It’s not my driving I worry about , it’s those who cant control their vehicle , or their impatience , or think that just because their vehicle is a 4wd with all the latest safety features , that somehow they will be immune from snow drifts , black ice and the laws of science . All the time I can get a train , I will be . What happens if god forbid , despite all his driving ‘skills ‘ , someone else loses control and wipes the family car out ? He’d never forgive himself , and not would you. Please . This is one occasion when his head needs to overrule his heart .

Catastropheeee · 01/03/2018 21:05

Are you watching channel 5?

An entire program dedicated to this unprecedented spell of weather, showing footage of crashes and traffic jams everywhere. They keep saying worse is expected too.

OP I'm glad your DH appears to have seen sense, don't let him make you feel guilty about it!

UniversalAunt · 01/03/2018 21:06

Wake him up early, bundle him out to car with pack of sandwiches & a thermos of hot tea. Let him get on with it.

Leave kids asleep in bed, stay in your nightmare. Make it clear you lot are staying put warm & safe. Let him get on with it.

Leaving super early at crack of dawn will allow for any snowfall windy driven delays. Let him get him get on with it.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 01/03/2018 21:06

And as for being mad at you - what the fuck? Why? For showing the common sense that he should have? For heeding the warnings not to travel? Are you somehow responsible for the weather? He sounds like a spoiled toddler.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/03/2018 21:07

I totally understand how gutted he must be, to be missing his Grandmothers 100th Birthday. It’s a big deal.

But nothing is worth risking your lives over.

Tell him to stop taking it out on you. You didn’t make it snow.

Tell him to put the fucking news on. DOVER CASTLE has cancelled weddings because people can’t get there.

Find your backbone. Unpack. Make it VERY clear that you and the children will NOT be going. Tell him you would prefer him to stay home, but if he persists in going, make sure he gets out his life insurance policy, will and other relevant documents out. Make him face the reality of his stupid fucking decision.

Original poster
BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 21:08

We're not going.

Which I'm very relieved about but also feel shocking and he's now working and not speaking to me.

Yes the poster who asked if any family members would give him grief are spot on...its all about his dad really who lives in another country and is coming for the party. He barely ever sees the kids (his choice not to travel to us and visit but I won't take them there as it's not a safe country for westerners). DH was very set on his dad seeing the kids I think. The grandma has severe dementia so hadn't a clue who I, or the children, are. She won't care less if we are there - this was part of my argument.

I said repeatedly I'm happy for him to go if he wants, but he won't now. He says he won't drive that far alone, & won't book a flight last minute as it's too expensive and was all about the kids seeing his family not him seeing them. And now that chance has been taken.

But one way or another...the kids will stay safe. It's really left me a bit speechless to be honest. He's really not generally like this.

OP posts:
rothbury · 01/03/2018 21:09

His driving abilities are irrelevant when you consider being stuck stationary in a car for hours and hours. He won't actually be driving will he? What a thick pratt he is.

I know you are defending him but I don't know how you tolerate such an arsehole. I bet he refuses to go on his own and "punishes you" by sulking and being miserable all fucking weekend.

seventh · 01/03/2018 21:09

Short of flat out refusing to let him take the children which he may well never forgive me for,

I honestly don't mean to be unpleasant but why would you want to be anywhere near a man like this?

seventh · 01/03/2018 21:11

and he's now working and not speaking to me.

Ditto what I said before.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 01/03/2018 21:11

But he's so sad, I feel awful. And he is so mad at me.

Unless you're Queen Elsa of Arendelle then he's a massive arsehole. I hope you are still showing him this thread.

UniversalAunt · 01/03/2018 21:14

Let him get on with it...because he won’t once the pre-match nerves have passed & he realises for himself that anyone with half a brain will not be on the roads.

Even if he sets off down the road, they’ll hardly be any vehicles on the road & it will be veh challenging to drive well. He will soon come to his senses.

Of course he wants to be there & he’s got a massive dose of pre-match wishful thinking. But said relative did not get to be 100 yo - well done btw - by being daft & taking unnecessary risks.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 21:15

'Which I'm very relieved about but also feel shocking and he's now working and not speaking to me. '

I'd tell him to sling his hook and that if he wants to sulk he needs to get out and do it someplace else, otherwise buck the fuck up and grow up, you're not the weather gods. 'I'm not going to be punished whilst you throw your teddy out the pram because the weather's dangerous to be out in. If you're going to carry on like this you need to go stay at a friend's until you get a grip and grow up.'

LineysShanks · 01/03/2018 21:15

Yes the poster who asked if any family members would give him grief are spot on...its all about his dad really who lives in another country and is coming for the party. He barely ever sees the kids (his choice not to travel to us and visit but I won't take them there as it's not a safe country for westerners)

And there's your answer.

ranoutofquinoa · 01/03/2018 21:17

If it's that important to him, he should pack his car with his things himself and go by himself and not have an issue with you and the children not going in this horrid weather. Once he is there he can call/FaceTime etc so that you are there in spirit. In regards to your fil he can make the effort to see you all in person once the weather is better.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 01/03/2018 21:19

Oh so it’s about his dad?

UniversalAunt · 01/03/2018 21:20

Aha, the penny has dropped.
It’s about the absent father.

Well, who’s the grown up Daddy? - the one (your OH) who makes sensible decisions about their family’s health, safety & wellbeing before their short-term immediate petulant wants (your FiL, btw).

Just sayin’.

Butterymuffin · 01/03/2018 21:21

So he'd prefer to shunt young kids around in dangerously bad weather because his dad won't come to the UK to see them. Got it. I hope with time he'll realise that his job as a dad now is to put his young kids first, even over his own parents.

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