To be a bit annoyed with friend but still feel sad for her?

[AllThePlants]

Let me preface by saying that I totally get that infertility is an awful rollercoaster. By contrast, we conceived DD on our first try, DS on our second try. I am lucky. One of my closest friends has been TTC for 4 years and has only just got round to the IVF referral but I understand that she’s been having pretty constant treatments and some surgery too. I don’t like to ask too much but it can’t be too dire if she hasn’t been having IVF but I could be mistaken. She’s also said she’s not willing to adopt either so guess she’s pinning her hopes on the treatment working.

For about the past 18 months she has gone quite silent on me. She used to be a very supportive friend but I now feel like she shows no interest in my life or kids. I know it’s trivial but she never likes any of OMG pics on Instagram or enquiries about them beyond the basic “how are you all?” Via text.

I guess I miss her but AIBU to feel
Slightly resentful though? I just feel like when she has her baby I won’t be able to just start pretending she’s shown little interest in my kids. I know that makes me sound awful. Her life is otherwise good, lovely husband and they have a fair amount of money (which I’m not jealous of but just for context). She’s got a lot going for her I just wish she didn’t make me feel bad just for having kids.

She doesn't ask about your kids, but than you don't ask about her infertility either. Maybe she doesn't think you care about it because you our kids are wrapped up in your kids.
You are silently wishing her well but wanting to talk about your children
Maybe she is silently wishing you you well but wanting to talk about her lack of them
Communication is a two way street, but one neither of you seems to live on

Margaret Cavendish yes. I sadly never became pregnant but I always hoped that if I did I wouldn’t forget what it was like still hoping and trying and be unable to empathise.

Hope all continues to go well with your pregnancy.

I should add it was all a long time ago for me and most of the time I’m OK with having no children. But the experience of being unable to have them will always be a part of me.

‘When she has her baby’ - this says everything about how much you don’t understand about her. YABU.

My heart goes out to your friend, I have a friend who's tried for years and years and has had 4 cycles of ivf yet nothing's worked, it's destroying seeing them so low. Put yourself in their shoes.

I understand what you mean OP, you’re not asking her to coo over your babies and offer to play with them, just maintain a civilised level of friendship.

DH and I both have younger sisters who showed precisely zero interest in our DC until they had their own (who are around the same age as our youngest).
All good etc and I love my little DNs very much but I will probably always feel a bit miffed for the older ones, who were treated as nuisances by their aunts.

sleight how long were your younger sisters all experiencing infertility and going through infertility treatment for?

Because there's zero comparison between someone just not showing interest in your kids, and someone who's going through the hell of infertility and trying to protect their mental health by keeping a safe distance from young children while they're in the pit of despair

Your friend is going through hell and you’ve made it all about you.

This.

Because there's zero comparison between someone just not showing interest in your kids, and someone who's going through the hell of infertility and trying to protect their mental health by keeping a safe distance from young children while they're in the pit of despair

And this as well.

Op I think your getting a roasting for being human. You miss your friend and the interactions that come with it.

Ah, you see I don't think that the OP is being horrible. She is getting a hard time on here.

I have been infertile (my children were conceived through IVF). It is a real hardship - however I am not convinced that it would be okay to disappear from a friend's life. Having to feign interest in someone else's kids isn't easy but it is important.

I went through years of infertility before having my DC through IVF, and during that time I had numerous friends and colleagues who got pregnant, and it will be the same for your friend. Whilst it was like 'taking a bullet' each time I heard of another person getting pregnant quickly, there was one friend in particular who really got under my skin because she was so terribly insensitive. I had to back off from her because of this. Make sure you are not that insensitive person.