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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was DH being unreasonable?

327 replies

smileygrapefruit · 01/03/2018 09:33

DH just walked to the shop for a few bits, got to the check out and said "Morning love, crazy weather out there!" She refused to serve him because he'd called her love. For context, we're in Yorkshire where every one calls every one love, DH calls his male friends love. This will probably divide opinion on MN but I'm wondering if it served him right or whether the lady should have served him? He had to walk as we can't get the car out due to the snow and the next shop is going to be a good 40 min walk each way!

OP posts:
CaptainCardamom · 01/03/2018 10:18

I actually feel a bit weepy and wish I was in Yorkshire now, to soak up the lovely "endearment and sentiment from random people I don't know".

Last time I was there, I went into a shop for a charger but they didn't have what I needed. The shopkeeper left his shop unattended so he could take me up the street to show me to a rival shop where I could get it. And called me "love" into the bargain.

Bastard.

lostjanni · 01/03/2018 10:19

can't wait for the update!

Hoppinggreen · 01/03/2018 10:19

creambun North Yorkshire is a bit different, they have ( whisper it)
“southern ways “

Tink2007 · 01/03/2018 10:20

I’m a Londoner and I think it’s lovely.

I love it when we go up to Manchester and being called love etc.

She sounds nuts.

LucyAutumn · 01/03/2018 10:23

I'm from the Midlands where 'love' is a common phrase, I like it when I hear it, I find it friendly and reminds me of my routes.

It could be used in a patronising way, but not on this occasion, your DH was clearly being friendly and conversational.

This woman is batshit.

iammargesimpson · 01/03/2018 10:23

He's not going to be the first person today to call her 'love' and if she refuses to serve people she will be out of a job in no time, surely there was someone else who could have served him?

LucyAutumn · 01/03/2018 10:23

*roots

BertrandRussell · 01/03/2018 10:24

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angieloumc · 01/03/2018 10:27

How ridiculous of her!

BlondeB83 · 01/03/2018 10:28

She’s a nutcase, she must hear it 100 times a day!

Katedotness1963 · 01/03/2018 10:30

Refusing to serve him was a complete overreaction.

QOD · 01/03/2018 10:32

What a twat that woman is!

stillgoingstrong · 01/03/2018 10:32

Ridiculous. I'm from Cornwall and get referred to as 'my lover' most days. It's completely normal.

Look forward to hearing how you get on at the shop!

BertrandRussell · 01/03/2018 10:32

Just to warn any Southern men who might venture up North, it is not usual for men to call each other love, duck or chicken

It’s like helpful advice to foreigners, isn’t it “When ordering a pint in a Bradford pub, it is polite to address the barman as “sweetheart” Grin

SarcySue · 01/03/2018 10:33

When I lived in Devon, I remember being amused by being called "my lover" by a female shop assistant... in Newcastle it's "pet", Scotland "pal" and in Ireland tends to be "love". I quite like it, especially when it's older ladies saying it, I find it comforting.

What really grinds my gears is someone half my age calling me "dear", usually chuggers and phone company pests 😡. I wouldn't have dared address someone older like that! "Dear" is best served by kindly Scottish ladies ☺️.

KeithLeMonde · 01/03/2018 10:35

It's context, isn't it?

There are times when being called "Love" can be horribly patronising: "Er, I don't think so, love" when you're disagreeing with a bloke about something and he doesn't know you.

But your DH was obviously being perfectly friendly and polite. If she didn't like it (which is her prerogative), she could have asked him equally politely not to call her "Love".

Buggeritimgettingup · 01/03/2018 10:36

Yorkshire here and love for everybody (she's lucky yiur dh isn't from barnsley as its often cock there 😂)

MrsExpo · 01/03/2018 10:36

In my home town everyone called each other "duck" ... as in "Hello duck, how are you today?" ... wonder what she's have made of being called after an aquatic bird? Smile .... totally ridiculous reaction and I'd be back down there complaining.

blackteasplease · 01/03/2018 10:38

I get that it's a Yorkshire thing so I think in this instance swbu.

But if it happened where I live it would be likely to be mysoginist. So in a way I'd love to see all women shop assistants refuse to serve anyone who uses patronising or mysoginist language.

Grumblepants · 01/03/2018 10:38

I used to work in a pub and one bloke used to call me 'girlie' it wound me up no end. I asked him to stop, he didn't, and I still had to serve him.
Woman in shop was totally overreacting, your DH should complain!

Heismyopendoor · 01/03/2018 10:39

Massive overreaction! As someone else said, if it was used in a patronising way then fair enough but she BU!

VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2018 10:41

I agree he wasn't being unreasonable. And as a PP said, it would have been one thing for her to tell him not to call her love. But to flatly refuse to process his items is sheer lunacy.

On another note; it's this kind of thing that men will pick up on to say that feminism has 'gone too far'. .

Rosielily · 01/03/2018 10:41

Good luck and report back!

Fletchasaurus · 01/03/2018 10:42

Ummm she is completely bu - that's very normal - even if she didn't like it, that was a massive overreaction!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 01/03/2018 10:43

She has no business working with the public, try working in a hospital where you get greeted by all sorts