Neighbour wants me to take her to shops.

[SugarPlumLairy]

So... school is closed, our road got gritted two days ago but it seems to have all gone with yesterday's snow, so now so we're all properly snowed in and iced up with an amber warning for further snow.

Just let dog into garden (we are not going to park in this weather!) and NDN has popped out and said she really needs to go shop and can I take her? Now.

Her husband drives, not sure if he has gone to work as trains have been disrupted, we aren't far from shops, normally I will drop her off but..... in THIS weather? I feel awful for saying no but don't fancy slipping/sliding past the double parked cars for a loaf of bread (ok prob a bit more than a loaf).

AIBU, I mumbled no sorry and at that point dog shot back in having had the world's fastest pee, she didn't say anything just looked shocked/upset ? And I'm holed up watching the snow still coming down and feeling like evil cow for resigning NDN to slow cold death by starvation as I wouldn't take her to shops 🙄😱

So am I Evil Monster (EM) or is she CF ?

OP, is she scared of Him in Bed?

I think I am officially a mug ☹️ I have to agree, when it's one thing here or there you don't really notice it but looking back on it ALL....
Yeah ... official mug status deserved, which is sad as I've always helped out others if I can/they need help.. KWIM?

No footprints back or front of their house, they've not left it let alone gone to their garage, so guess it wasn't an emergency after all.

Def going to be saying NO a lot more, my hubby is so pleased with mumsnet at the moment, lots of "see, I told you so, why won't you listen to me but you'll listen to mumsnet?"

Thank you mumsnet from me AND Hubby. Rose tinted glasses have been consigned to bin, I promise to work on improving CF radar.

Please listen to your H. They are serious CFs. Cannot believe she asked you that in this weather when they have a car. She truly sees you as a mug.

That list is not "usual neighbourly things". I get along just fine with mine and the most we have done is borrowing an egg or helping to replace a tile. You're an unpaid childminder/housekeeper/petsitter

Get used to saying no without giving a reason.
"No I can't, sorry."
"That's not convenient for me"
"I wont be able to"
"I can't make that"
"NO!"

If anyone asks why - "I have a lot on." Every time.

Final update, nothing much to report.

NDN didn't go out yesterday, roads and weather were much better today (i took dog out for walkandwas quite pleasant actually).

Saw NDN go out this morning and come back with one bag of shopping. So not the big shop I was led to believe.

Her DH is still home (I saw him filling the bird feeders) but he obviously wasn't driving anywhere, and I don't blame him either.

Tobest of my knowledge (someone asked earlier) she isn't scared of him, he's very mild mannered, she's far more "in charge" than he is. I suspect he was miffed his lie in yesterday was disturbed over possibly driving in dangerous conditions for one (not jam-packed, carrier bag of shopping).

I am taking in board everyone's comments and advice and practising my assertive "no, that doesn't work for us" responses 👍

Ta muchly and hope you all stay safe and warm in the snow xx

YANBU. I wouldn't dream of imposing on neighbours like that and can't imagine why she thinks she can ask you to risk your safety/car because she hasn't got it together to sort herself out. Neighbours don't do that sort of favour for each other.

Dear Lord - if you are uncomfortable driving then that's that isn't it ?

No more to be said and it's your choice.

Most of us are just not used to driving on snow/ice - we don't know what to do.

I stupidly helped out a former NDN and ended up being treated like a free taxi service (she could drive and had a car) 'Because you save me buying petrol' 😳
It took being very blunt with her to put a halt to it - DH said I had 'MUG' written on my forehead.
Not once did she offer to help me when I was in plaster and nwb for 5 months! Says it all really

CF had/has lots of alternatives

1. Heed the snow warning and shop earlier
2. Get something out of the freezer and shop another day
3. Walk to the shop
4. Shop on line
5. Get DH to shift his butt out of bed and shop
6. Learn to drive and get a car
7. Get a taxi

OP ~ don’t feel guilty when you are being ‘used’ by a CF

tiddlywinks63 we could be twins! I'm that same way, DH says I attract them (the CF's)
Wow, no help while in plaster though... they must have sprained their eyeballs trying to turn a blind eye to that! 😱😮

'Because you save me buying petrol' 😳

What a total twat.

I agree that she's a CF and has gotten used to taking advantage of you.

The whole 'school run' thing in particular sounds like an utter piss take.

At least you’ve found out now OP. This could have rumbled on for years.

Would have explained not comfortable driving in the current conditions and asked if there was anything really urgent she needed that you could help out with. If it was urgent medicine prescription most pharmacies are making arrangements to have them delivered
Other than that YANBU

Your neighbour, like any of us, can get a delivery from any of the big supermarkets. If you have shopping delivered in the evening it only costs ' a pound.

C A F!!!!

Two words for her .... fuckus offus.
Job done !

YANBU you’re not a taxi service. Her husband can get some shopping, they can walk to the shops! It’s not like people didn’t know the snow was coming - be prepared!!

She can do it online then and hope that they are able to deliver.

Definite cheeky fucker.

Not at all unreasonable. Ive walked up and down a big hill to get food as i wont risk the car, knocked on elderly peoples doors in the street to see if they needed things to save them going out. I wouldnt ask anyone to drive in this weather.

NDN that does drive has also been offering runs when she goes, but that is her offering to people she knows aren't driving, completely different.

So dont feel evil at all.

SugarPlum, you have my heartfelt admiration for realising NDN has been using you. As you continue to make it clear that it will not continue watch as she homes in on someone else to take advantage of. I'm a bit like you, find it difficult to say no. I like to be kind but I'm 68 and, although still driving and active, avoid getting too involved with neighbours. Actually, I'm a spy from Gransnet and always willing to give 'wise' advice.

I suspect that as you put more boundaries in place, she'll become less "lovely".

OP well done! the snow has found your CFNDNs out! there had to be some good come of the weather.