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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants me to take her to shops.

228 replies

SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 07:35

So... school is closed, our road got gritted two days ago but it seems to have all gone with yesterday's snow, so now so we're all properly snowed in and iced up with an amber warning for further snow.

Just let dog into garden (we are not going to park in this weather!) and NDN has popped out and said she really needs to go shop and can I take her? Now.

Her husband drives, not sure if he has gone to work as trains have been disrupted, we aren't far from shops, normally I will drop her off but..... in THIS weather? I feel awful for saying no but don't fancy slipping/sliding past the double parked cars for a loaf of bread (ok prob a bit more than a loaf).

AIBU, I mumbled no sorry and at that point dog shot back in having had the world's fastest pee, she didn't say anything just looked shocked/upset ? And I'm holed up watching the snow still coming down and feeling like evil cow for resigning NDN to slow cold death by starvation as I wouldn't take her to shops 🙄😱

So am I Evil Monster (EM) or is she CF ?

OP posts:
Trendy1 · 01/03/2018 09:59

I obvs live behind you. This is my NDN. When I first moved in, she latched onto me. Me and DH are active, drivers, do-ers, etc. She wanted me to take her everywhere, even her dog to the vet (not local). After borrowing everything you could think of, ever the hoover, I just cut the connection by saying no every time. She un-latched and hasn't spoken much since. Defo a CF!! Just like yours. Bloody ridiculous how people are lazy gits if there is a chance somebody will do their work.

ItsuAddict · 01/03/2018 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdoraBell · 01/03/2018 10:02

Haven’t read the whole thread, but your second post says it all.

The CF should tell her husband they need shopping, get himself up and dressed.

LIZS · 01/03/2018 10:07

I would have asked if I could loan from my kitchen or offer to walk to local shop. Yes her dh might be able to pick some shopping up later (dh will be doing so for us) but maybe she has run out of essentials in the meantime. Dm hadn't received her milk delivery earlier and with it was coming some veg etc as she can't get out.

Riverside2 · 01/03/2018 10:07

oh FFS what a cheeky fucker

I wouldn't "help" in her future - I'm curious to know what you did btw.

There's been tons of warning, there's two of them available to get shit done, neither are ill or elderly and even then - my parents are both ill and elderly and I told them last weekend that they had to stock up now (mind you I'm 90 minutes away from them so can't help with a spot of shopping in any case).

what is her problem?! Sounds completely crazy to me. Some people just enjoy taking advantage of others.

I live alone and have had two major injuries so I don't risk myself on icy pavements etc unless I have to for work. But I stock up. even in a tiny flat I have enough tins etc to manage for ages.

sorry that was a rant but what is wrong with these people?!

LIZS · 01/03/2018 10:09

Oh just found your update - cfs the pair of them! Hmm

MrsElvis · 01/03/2018 10:09

@KatharinaRosalie that sounds fantastic Grin I'd love to read that thread

Hillingdon · 01/03/2018 10:10

Under - me too. Having to go cap in hand everytime I wanted to go out would finish me off but some do. No excuses - they can learn to drive but some choose not to.

My DM bless her heart never learnt to drive. Now in old age she still says she never saw the need.

She has convientely forgotton how many times she has been picked up, dropped off by almost every one she knows with a car because she puts the 'sad face' on when she realises she might just have to get on a bus etc. She lives in London with a tube station very close by and buses constantly two mins walk from her house

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 01/03/2018 10:11

Mumsnet going to be busy today!Grin

KatharinaRosalie · 01/03/2018 10:13

I would have asked if I could loan from my kitchen or offer to walk to local shop

Why would you offer to walk to the shops for a young, healthy and not otherwise occupied neighbour? She can walk to the shops herself just as well.

Riv · 01/03/2018 10:14

I'd be tempted to have a list ready so when / if you see the NDN set off with her DH in the car you pop out and ask her to "just pick up a few things" for you whilst she is doing her big shop.
She surely knows about your dd's difficulties. It's a very reasonable request given she will be going anyway.....
Her response could be enlightening.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 01/03/2018 10:18

No excuses - they can learn to drive but some choose not to.

That's rather harsh: there are plenty of people who can't learn to drive, for a wide range of reasons, and there are plenty of people who even if they have a driving licence simply cannot obtain, keep or drive a car. Those reasons might include health, disability, finances, age, controlling parents, controlling spouses.

The problem is that a lot of people who can't or won't drive think they deserve a medal for it. Rather like the "oh, I don't use the Internet" brigade, they are deluded into thinking it makes them quirky, interesting or clear-sighted in a way the rest of us secretly envy. They can all get stuffed: they can afford a taxi from the money they're saving in not running a car, and I don't have "Uber" painted down the side of mine for a reason. Fifty year old able-bodied academic with a driving licence who doesn't drive "for environmental reasons"? Get a fucking bus.

That doesn't mean, however, they are all cheeky fuckers, and those that are just making a fuss shouldn't blind us to how our society is increasingly car-dependent and some people are excluded by that.

PanannyPanoo · 01/03/2018 10:18

For sugar plum

I was at school in the 80's and this was in a black book with orange fish on the front. I thought it was from ice land but Google says Sweden.

In middle ocean, sardines are swimming, apusski dusky, apusskidu.
A boat sails over, down comes a net, apusski dusky, apusskidu.

One wise old sardine flicks out a warning, apusski dusky, apusskidu.
Swift through the water, they dart away, apusski dusky, apusskidu.

With tails a-flashing, sardines are swimming, apusski dusky, apusskidu.
So full of joy that they’re swimming free, apusski dusky, apusskidu.

Riverside2 · 01/03/2018 10:18

Riv - good plan!

Hillingdon - I'm amazed your gran knows so many people with a car in that case. I live in commuterville (as in, via public transport) and only one or two people have cars.

Riv · 01/03/2018 10:19

OP.. your song is here!

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 10:20

@HuskyMcClusky

Nope, because you did make it up. The whole ‘your generosity has made her into an entitled taker’

The OP merely mentioned that she’s dropped the neighbour at the shops before and you’ve extrapolated that into the NDN being ‘entitled’ and a ‘taker’?? You know nothing about how often, or if the neighbour reciprocates in any way. Just nasty.

How is it nasty?! Someone who asks OP to take her to the shops in this weather (and doesn't specify an emergency) is a taker in my book.

And now it's been proved the NDN is a CF, you're implying OP is a troll. Truly pathetic.

GnotherGnu · 01/03/2018 10:23

The CF should tell her husband they need shopping, get himself up and dressed.

It sounds like she has, hence the shouting. He's presumably asking her why she didn't organise the shop when this weather was predicted, and she's saying too bad, she didn't, so there's nothing to eat, so he's shouting some more and wishing he'd gone to work after all ...

longtompot · 01/03/2018 10:24

With your first post I imagined a frail old lady and thought you were BU. But with the second one, where she is a, I am assuming fit and healthy with no disability 30 something they you are NBU.
She is even more of a CF by trying to guilt trip you by her not being prepared for this weather. We did a big shop Tuesday as I was a bit worried about how bad it might be. Maybe she should book a taxi to get her too and from the shops.

WellTidy · 01/03/2018 10:25

y pysgod dysgu

This has made my day!! (Fellow Welsh person). I am crying laughing.

LilacClouds · 01/03/2018 10:27

SugarPlum - I have a copy of the school piano song book called Appuskidu. You can still buy it, with the same fish picture on the front. Full of children's songs, widely used in the UK in 70s and 80s.

GnotherGnu · 01/03/2018 10:32

Why, WellTidy?

blueskyinmarch · 01/03/2018 10:33

She is undoubtedly a CF. I bet she tore a strip off her DH for coughing and giving the game away!

Ebrigitte · 01/03/2018 10:35

Hi, everyone!

You should do as you think is proper. you should not feel guilty but perhaps should explain it to the lady why you are not able to take her shopping at this point.

ItsuAddict · 01/03/2018 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user187656748 · 01/03/2018 10:36

y pysgod dysgu

Hilarious! But I can see perhaps why a small welsh child might have thought so Grin Grin Grin

It isn't a welsh song.