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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants me to take her to shops.

228 replies

SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 07:35

So... school is closed, our road got gritted two days ago but it seems to have all gone with yesterday's snow, so now so we're all properly snowed in and iced up with an amber warning for further snow.

Just let dog into garden (we are not going to park in this weather!) and NDN has popped out and said she really needs to go shop and can I take her? Now.

Her husband drives, not sure if he has gone to work as trains have been disrupted, we aren't far from shops, normally I will drop her off but..... in THIS weather? I feel awful for saying no but don't fancy slipping/sliding past the double parked cars for a loaf of bread (ok prob a bit more than a loaf).

AIBU, I mumbled no sorry and at that point dog shot back in having had the world's fastest pee, she didn't say anything just looked shocked/upset ? And I'm holed up watching the snow still coming down and feeling like evil cow for resigning NDN to slow cold death by starvation as I wouldn't take her to shops 🙄😱

So am I Evil Monster (EM) or is she CF ?

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2018 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user187656748 · 01/03/2018 10:39

Addict does he have a welsh translation for Okki Tokki Unga? Grin

Roomba · 01/03/2018 10:39

Your neighbour is about as reasonable as that new neighbour in the Royle Family who constantly borrows things from everyone and managed to invite herself for Xmas dinner ('Can I borrow carrot for Xmas dinner? Oo and a potato of two if you have them? And maybe a nice bit of that turkey cos you've got too much, shame to waste it... And have you got any gravy? And a few quid for the meter so I can cook it? Oh I may as well just come to yours it's much easier for you! Oh don't worry, you're welcome, it's no trouble at all Barbara...') Grin

Just. Say. No.

Tippz · 01/03/2018 10:41

@CuboidalSlipshoddy

The problem is that a lot of people who can't or won't drive think they deserve a medal for it. Rather like the "oh, I don't use the Internet" brigade, they are deluded into thinking it makes them quirky, interesting or clear-sighted in a way the rest of us secretly envy. They can all get stuffed: they can afford a taxi from the money they're saving in not running a car, and I don't have "Uber" painted down the side of mine for a reason. Fifty year old able-bodied academic with a driving licence who doesn't drive "for environmental reasons"? Get a fucking bus.

THIS. I hate the type who don't do stuff that many others do, and think it makes them superior. 'I don't have a telly,' 'I don't have a smartphone,' I don't have the internet,' 'I don't have a car,' I cook everything from scratch, and churn my own butter, have my own allotment where I grow all my own food.'

Fuck.

Off. Hmm

The story in the OP is, sadly, why I don't get over-friendly with neighbours, or offer to do anything or take anyone anywhere. Nor do I expect or WANT anyone to do anything for me. I mean, I am friendly, and would offer to help if someone was seriously struggling, or needed help in an emergency, but I will not be mugged off, by cheeky fuckers who knock on the door for a lift to the shops to get some twatting milk or bread coz they were no forward thinking enough to stock up earlier in the week......

We got a bit friendly with a couple in our last property - 10 years older than us, couldn't drive - and within a couple of months, they were asking us for lifts and favours at least twice a week. Got on our tits so much! We were glad to move house! Never again I tellz ya! No more being over friendly with neighbours - ever. On the rare occasions we have been asked since we have been here, we have said no/made an excuse, and after the first 2 or 3 times of asking, they don't ask again.

Also, it's always people who don't work who are the cheeky fuckers....

I am a busy person, and don't have time for your entitled, 'special snowflake' shit.

ItsuAddict · 01/03/2018 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SM2132 · 01/03/2018 10:43

I wonder of NDN asked her husband and he refused to drive, so she asked you to take her, to make him feel guilty for not taking her in the first place.
To be fair, the fact she asked you and you felt guilty for saying no seems odd. Does she ask a lot of favours from you?

SuburbanRhonda · 01/03/2018 10:44

Fifty year old able-bodied academic with a driving licence who doesn't drive "for environmental reasons"? Get a fucking bus.

Blimey, you’re really cross about this, aren’t you? Why not just say, no, I can’t help, rather than spin yourself into a lather about something so trivial.

Tippz · 01/03/2018 10:50

@SurburbanRhonda

That poster has a right to be grizzly when entitled twats who don't drive coz they think it makes them quirky and superior, expect lifts off us drivers.

Why is it that people are 'got at' and ridiculed on here if they get a bit annoyed about something?!

Bore off. Hmm People are allowed to get annoyed without patronising individuals 'ticking them off' for it.

DontOpenDeadInside · 01/03/2018 10:51

My brother has just asked me to drive up an A road- which the police has advised people to avoid- to pick him up and take him to the shops. I've had to say no, but he's not happy but I'm not risking crashing my car for him. I did take my nan some supplies yesterday and I was driving 10mph it was so bad on the side roads, but she lives closer and we've had much more snow overnight.

Tippz · 01/03/2018 10:57

@dontopendeadinside

Tell your CF brother to get a fucking taxi! Hmm

SparkleFizz · 01/03/2018 10:59

Have read the updates. That’s extreme CF on the part of the neighbour.
I was originally imagining something along the lines of neighbour being elderly or infirm and unable to walk to the shops to get a loaf of bread to put in their almost empty cupboards. Clearly this is very far from the reality!

This would put me right off going out of my way to do them favours in the future. And remember this next time you feel guilty about refusing to do your NDN a favour!

QueenDramaLlama · 01/03/2018 11:02

Nope, no more favours after this.
She wont risk her husbands car but will risk yours with your daughter in it?
I'd be very cross.
Snow has been planned for ages as well she should have thought ahead.

MichaelBendfaster · 01/03/2018 11:02

She's being really weird. Put it out of your mind.

Viviennemary · 01/03/2018 11:03

It was a bit cheeky of her asking in this bad weather. But really could your reply not have been a bit more civil. No sorry the weather is really too bad for driving. Is there anything you've run out of and can I help. Like milk or bread.

sportyfool · 01/03/2018 11:03

Tell her to get it delivered .. she is a cheeky fecker!!

PositivelyPERF · 01/03/2018 11:03

Tell your CF brother to get a fucking taxi!

And when he tells you the taxis aren’t running/won’t go up his road, ask him why? When he mumbles something about snow, ask him does that mean professional drivers think it’s too dangerous to go out. 😇

PositivelyPERF · 01/03/2018 11:04

It was a bit cheeky of her asking in this bad weather. But really could your reply not have been a bit more civil. No sorry the weather is really too bad for driving. Is there anything you've run out of and can I help. Like milk or bread.

How the hell was the OP not civil? Personally I would have laughted in her face and closed the door.

FrogFairy · 01/03/2018 11:06

This weather has been forecast and talked about on the news for days.

Your neighbour is frankly an idiot for not getting her shopping in before now.

Ellendegeneres · 01/03/2018 11:13

I am disabled- I knew weather was bad and likely to worsen so I did what is the normal thing to do- an online order, being delivered today. Like your neighbour should have done op.

My dp knew I couldn’t get ds to school (whyyyy they opened today I’ve no idea, it’s fucking treacherous out there- worse than yesterday) if I didn’t have help, so left his, drove over, collected us and drove us up the hill and round the corner to the School. I’d never have asked, was a lovely offer.
School was shocked to see ds given they know my issues and said they were proud of me for making an effort. I’ll take it. Told them any other days like it and no lift, don’t expect him cause I’m not risking my life out there. They’re seeing what they can do re getting someone to collect and drop him home (!!)

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 11:15

'But really could your reply not have been a bit more civil. '

She was plenty civil! She went back and chapped the door to apologise. WTAF? I wouldn't have done even that. What is all the fuss about bloody milk and bread?! Can people really not survive without out for a couple of days? We've known about this for some time. We're rural so always have UHT in and ingredients to make bread and food. Not hard.

WorldWideWanderer · 01/03/2018 11:16

You are your own person. You said no. That's perfectly OK. She asked...that's fine; but you have a right to say no. You don't need an excuse, it's OK if you just plain didn't want to.
If she has a husband who works she isn't on her own and could ask him to collect food or whatever. She also, presumably, has other family and other neighbours who may be happier to help. If you felt you couldn't carry out her request on a day like this, that's quite acceptable.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/03/2018 11:19

Bore off. hmm People are allowed to get annoyed without patronising individuals 'ticking them off' for it.

“Getting annoyed” is understandable if someone asks you to do something for them and you don’t have the courage to say no. But working yourself up into such a state over it seems an unnecessary waste of energy.

BrownTurkey · 01/03/2018 11:20

I think you handled it perfectly, assertive but kind. Its them, not you OP.

user1484040234 · 01/03/2018 11:33

She could always do an on-line shop!

Personwithhorse · 01/03/2018 11:38

I bet she would not pay for any damage to your car should you have an accident