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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants me to take her to shops.

228 replies

SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 07:35

So... school is closed, our road got gritted two days ago but it seems to have all gone with yesterday's snow, so now so we're all properly snowed in and iced up with an amber warning for further snow.

Just let dog into garden (we are not going to park in this weather!) and NDN has popped out and said she really needs to go shop and can I take her? Now.

Her husband drives, not sure if he has gone to work as trains have been disrupted, we aren't far from shops, normally I will drop her off but..... in THIS weather? I feel awful for saying no but don't fancy slipping/sliding past the double parked cars for a loaf of bread (ok prob a bit more than a loaf).

AIBU, I mumbled no sorry and at that point dog shot back in having had the world's fastest pee, she didn't say anything just looked shocked/upset ? And I'm holed up watching the snow still coming down and feeling like evil cow for resigning NDN to slow cold death by starvation as I wouldn't take her to shops 🙄😱

So am I Evil Monster (EM) or is she CF ?

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 01/03/2018 07:55

If her Hs driven to work then she probably thinks anyone can.

I’d phone her and say you don’t feel safe driving in this weather and ask her if she desperately needs anything as you might have it. She can ask her H to get anything else (if he manages to get homeHmm)

BookHelpPlease · 01/03/2018 07:56

She can't exactly be elderly if her husband is still working age!

AuntieStella · 01/03/2018 07:57

OK, gather your thoughts, work out what you need to do today, whether you can fit in a trip to the shops (when and how). That will calm your mood and set your boundaries of what you will and won't do.

Then go and see your NDN and explain that you'd been caught on the hop and you are sorry for being a bit short with her before. Then say something that you're not planning on taking the car out in this weather, but you'll help if you can. Would she tell you what it is she needs from the shops? So you could either lend/give her something if you have a good stock on it yourself, or get her to think about options other than your car if it's something like a prescription.

You never know when you might need a favour, so worth seeing if there is anything that can be salvaged from this.

GnotherGnu · 01/03/2018 07:58

If it's that urgent and she thinks it's safe to drive, NDN can get a cab. If a cab won't come out, it means it's not safe for you to drive either. It's difficult to imagine what genuine emergency there could be that requires her to go to the shops that she didn't know about before her husband left.

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2018 07:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Antigonads · 01/03/2018 08:03

Aw come on OP. Need much more info.

Qvar · 01/03/2018 08:03

For goodness sake, what is all this squirrelling about whether eor not op should go round and EXPLAIN herself. You explain yourself to people who are paying you, not cheeky neighbours who can't wait until their husbands get hime

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 01/03/2018 08:04

Why can't she walk to the shops? it's safer

Katedotness1963 · 01/03/2018 08:05

If it's that bad are the shops even open?

SmashedMug · 01/03/2018 08:06

She has a husband who can apparently drive. He can take her. YANBU and I don't think you need to explain yourself either. Anyone with a brain can guess why you said no!

Booboobooboo84 · 01/03/2018 08:06

I can’t belive people are suggesting your being ur op!! It’s snowing you don’t want to drive. That’s all the explanation she needs

EffingJeffer · 01/03/2018 08:07

OP did NDN say what it was that she needed so urgently from the shops?

I am assuming her husband HAS gone to work otherwise she wouldn't have asked you.

Is it possibly a menstrual issue? My MIL is going through the menopause at the moment. She goes for months without a period and then all of a sudden she'll have a super heavy period out of the blue, where she ploughs through sanitary products at an alarming rate, has the occasional accident etc. I feel quite sorry for her.

Could your NDN be really desperate for sanitary protection maybe, or something medicinal/first aid that could have happened suddenly but can't wait until the husband gets home? clutching at straws

If not, YANBU. It's dangerous to drive at the moment.

FluffyWuffy100 · 01/03/2018 08:10

I’d have asked her what she wanted to see if I could give it to her, but I wouldn’t have taken her to the shops.

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 08:11

Goodness, what a fuss people are making over nothing.

If the DH works, they're not going to be an elderly couple Hmm

And ge drives so he can take his bloody wife to get their shopping!

OP, please stop taking this CF to do her shopping, your generosity has made her into an entitled taker.

HuskyMcClusky · 01/03/2018 08:15

Cherry

You can need something from the shops and not be elderly.

Her husband might already have left for work and not due home for hours.

As to your last point...I think you just made that up.

senua · 01/03/2018 08:16

I bumped into a friend at the shops. We were both stocking up because of the dire weather warnings. This was back on Sunday.
How come NDN needs supplies? If she didn't plan it's not your responsibility.

SparkleFizz · 01/03/2018 08:17

I wouldn’t be driving myself to the shops in this snow if I could possibly avoid it, never mind going out especially to give a lift to a neighbour. So YANBU to refuse.

Having said that, it would have been polite to explain you weren’t driving because of unsafe road conditions. The suggestions about asking what she needed in case it’s something you can spare are also good. Although I’d also be wondering why the husband with a car can’t get any groceries.

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 08:18

I don't care what she needs, you don't ask a neighbour to take you to the shops in this weather.

And no, I didn't make it up, OP says in her OP 'normally I will drop her of'. NDN has got complacent.

HuskyMcClusky · 01/03/2018 08:19

I don't care what she needs

Says it all, really.

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 08:20

So you're not going to apologise for accusing me of making it up?

Says it all really.

(And I have lovely neighbours, we help eachother but don't take the piss).

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2018 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/03/2018 08:22

If you need something urgent, surely that’s where you start the conversation? ‘I’m really sorry to ask in this weather, but my asthma inhaler has stopped working and I thought I had a spare, but I don’t. Is there any chance you could take me to the chemist, I really can’t wait until Derek gets home and he’s working in Timbuktu today’. Not just ‘Can you take me to the shops, now?’

SlackPanther · 01/03/2018 08:27

YANBU not to want to drive
YABU to just say no without finding out what she needs and if you can help, if serious. (E.g formula, inhaler, baby, child, health or safety related stuff )

HuskyMcClusky · 01/03/2018 08:27

So you're not going to apologise for accusing me of making it up?

Nope, because you did make it up. The whole ‘your generosity has made her into an entitled taker’ thing.

The OP merely mentioned that she’s dropped the neighbour at the shops before and you’ve extrapolated that into the NDN being ‘entitled’ and a ‘taker’?? You know nothing about how often, or if the neighbour reciprocates in any way. Just nasty.

Original poster
SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 08:28

Hi, sorry, didnt meant our go MIA, it's a bit mad her as DD home from school and changes to routinecan cause her anxiety.

Anyway, more info, She's younger than me, I'd say late 30's?
I did pop round, I felt so bad saying no. She needs to do a BIG shop, she wants to get supplies in case weather gets worse. I would have happily taken her yesterday while my DD was at school but dont really want to drag DD out if not necessary (additional needs make shopping...interesting☹️and although my husband is home he is actually working and taking meetings on phone so can't watch DD) so although the shops are in reasonable walking distance the size of shopping she wants to do means she wants me to drive.

While I was on her doorstep (in snow, she didn't invite me in!) I heard her husband coughing upstairs, turns out he's not going in and was going to make the most of a snow day to have a lie in.... that was my turn to look shockedand upset.

I must have mug written on my forehead. ☹️

OP posts:
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