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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants me to take her to shops.

228 replies

SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 07:35

So... school is closed, our road got gritted two days ago but it seems to have all gone with yesterday's snow, so now so we're all properly snowed in and iced up with an amber warning for further snow.

Just let dog into garden (we are not going to park in this weather!) and NDN has popped out and said she really needs to go shop and can I take her? Now.

Her husband drives, not sure if he has gone to work as trains have been disrupted, we aren't far from shops, normally I will drop her off but..... in THIS weather? I feel awful for saying no but don't fancy slipping/sliding past the double parked cars for a loaf of bread (ok prob a bit more than a loaf).

AIBU, I mumbled no sorry and at that point dog shot back in having had the world's fastest pee, she didn't say anything just looked shocked/upset ? And I'm holed up watching the snow still coming down and feeling like evil cow for resigning NDN to slow cold death by starvation as I wouldn't take her to shops 🙄😱

So am I Evil Monster (EM) or is she CF ?

OP posts:
rocketgirl22 · 01/03/2018 09:34

Go and knock on her door and see what she is short of, you might be able to help

notapizzaeater · 01/03/2018 09:34

Wow, that's a real CF .... I'd pop back with my shopping list if they are going to the shops ! It's not like we didn't know this was coming

annielouise · 01/03/2018 09:34

Good you pointed out her DH can take her in a bit. Or they can both walk and carry two bags home each and have a rucksack too. Or if she wants to go now she can walk and get a taxi back. Or she could plan and get a shopping trolley. She could have planned her life differently without imposing on you.

You've over-explained to her as if you're in the wrong. Keep it shorter next time. She's taking advantage of your nice nature. Don't scramble about to fix the situation with her anymore. It's her choice now whether to leave this or carry on being snotty with you. I'd also draw the line now with taking her shopping - say you go other times.

APontypandyPioneer · 01/03/2018 09:35

At first I thought maybe YABU but after the update YADNBU. She's a CF.

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2018 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum · 01/03/2018 09:37

And yes, if someone can't be bothered to explain to you why they need a favour, you don't owe them an explanation as to why you can't accomodate them.

Although to be fair " I need you to drive me to the shops now because my dh can't be arsed to do so" is never going to be a winner.

TheCatsMother44 · 01/03/2018 09:38

Rocketgirl22 have you read the thread? 😂

augustusglupe · 01/03/2018 09:38

I would’ve asked her why and offered to give her any basics that she needed. I definitely wouldn’t have driven either OP, unless in an emergency.

Clutterbugsmum · 01/03/2018 09:39

So at what point would she have done her 'big shop' if your DD's school wasn't shut and the sudden realisation that it's snowing for the next few days.

Yanbu, she had plenty of time to organise herself like every other adult. If her husband doesn't want to go shopping the he can starve.

KatharinaRosalie · 01/03/2018 09:40

Go and knock on her door and see what she is short of, you might be able to help

how about RTFT? She wants to do a BIG shop and her husband, with their own car, is at home.

augustusglupe · 01/03/2018 09:41

Ok, caught up with thread!! In that case OP...YADNFWBU Grin

Tippz · 01/03/2018 09:41

No-one NEEDS bread. ANYone can go a day or 2 without bread FFS!

Your neighbour is a CF. And you are of course within your rights to say NO.

What a cheek.

kaitlinktm · 01/03/2018 09:42

I sometimes find that if people don't drive, they don't always think of the risks of "popping to the shops" in this kind of weather. I remember my son asking me to come and pick him and his friend up from work in this sort of weather some years ago. OK he would have got home wet and cold if he had walked, but when we were driving back up the hill I was really worried the car was going to slide back down it. He was oblivious - I had to explain it to him when we had got up the hill and I could breathe again.

SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 01/03/2018 09:43

You just know she went upstairs to kick her DH for coughing at an inopportune moment and ruining her chance of a lift to the shops.

BarbarianMum · 01/03/2018 09:44

Even if the weather was fine and sunny why would you expect your neighbour to drive you to the supermarket to save your dh the trouble?

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 09:45

Stop being such a mug and feeling bad about you know are ripping the piss out of you. Seriously. I wouldn't have bothered to go over there to apologise. Just stop doing shit like this. She's a CF and you knew this the second she asked because her H was already there.

TheCatsMother44 · 01/03/2018 09:45

No-one NEEDS bread. ANYone can go a day or 2 without bread FFS!

This!!

Same goes for milk (unless you have children dependant on it). It amazes me how people panic and think they'll starve in the two or however many days they're hoisebound due to weather because they don't have 'the basics' in. Surely there is some food in the house even if it's the strangest concoction?

Tippz · 01/03/2018 09:46

Sorry, I have read your update now. She needs a full shop, and clearly her DH does not want to drive, but expects you to.

Let them get a taxi. Cheeky fuckers.

Tippz · 01/03/2018 09:48

@thecatsmother44

EXACTLY. Virtually everyone has food in that would last a least a week.

(In the freezer or fridge or cupboards.)

Hillingdon · 01/03/2018 09:50

There are some people who literally don't see the woods for the trees

  1. Her DH doesn't fancy driving her so that avenue is closed to her
  2. You are available and can drive
  3. She leads such a busy life that she hasn't organised herself well enough for the bad weather. Again - she will assume that is not her issue either
  4. You are a kind person. You have driven her before so therefore you can be asked again.

There is another thread going where someone pays £900 rent on an income of £1200 per month and has now 'found herself' pregnant and wonders how you manage with two kids if you are not a millionaire. Daft and deluded comes to mind but they don't see it like that

There are some people who have one brain cell and sometimes give that a day off!

Original poster
SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 09:50

Lol, I think they may have had words?
You know when you can hear raised voices next door but can't quite make out what they are saying (-unless you have ear on glass up against wall- )well have heard him being loud but no idea what's going on (certainly not a lie in by sounds of it) I'm overinvested in whether he'll drive now, keep checking the back gardens to see if anyone leaves footprints to their garage 😂

OP posts:
Scullerymaid · 01/03/2018 09:52

Tell her there's no point as greedy fuckers have emptied the shelves anyway.

snewsname · 01/03/2018 09:53

Pop next door again and say that as she is going to the shops now, could she please pick you up x,yandz.

Undercoverbanana · 01/03/2018 09:55

How does someone so young make themselves so un-self reliant?

If you don’t drive then you need to live near shops/GP/schools/hospital/bus station/train station.

I couldn’t bear the idea of needing help with everything.

I’m guessing she doesn’t put her own bins out or do any DIY either.

I might be being unfair - is she epileptic and banned from driving?

MiniCooperLover · 01/03/2018 09:56

Why on earth did your CD neighbour leave it till today to do a shop? That in itself is just daft and I've lost any sympathy over that.