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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants me to take her to shops.

228 replies

SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 07:35

So... school is closed, our road got gritted two days ago but it seems to have all gone with yesterday's snow, so now so we're all properly snowed in and iced up with an amber warning for further snow.

Just let dog into garden (we are not going to park in this weather!) and NDN has popped out and said she really needs to go shop and can I take her? Now.

Her husband drives, not sure if he has gone to work as trains have been disrupted, we aren't far from shops, normally I will drop her off but..... in THIS weather? I feel awful for saying no but don't fancy slipping/sliding past the double parked cars for a loaf of bread (ok prob a bit more than a loaf).

AIBU, I mumbled no sorry and at that point dog shot back in having had the world's fastest pee, she didn't say anything just looked shocked/upset ? And I'm holed up watching the snow still coming down and feeling like evil cow for resigning NDN to slow cold death by starvation as I wouldn't take her to shops 🙄😱

So am I Evil Monster (EM) or is she CF ?

OP posts:
SlackPanther · 01/03/2018 08:29

Annie, you are presuming people are good at communicating.

Likewise, I would say ‘surely if your NDN asks for help you say ‘I can’t do that, but what do you need / how else could I help?’ etc.

Idontevencareanymore · 01/03/2018 08:29

Yanbu!

It's so cold here I don't even want to go out and take my kids to school, let alone get someone shopping if their seemingly capable husband has managed to get out. And of he hasn't then he can do it.

I'd do it if I was going that way, and I'm going to knock my disabled neighbour on my way as I'm passing a shop on my trek but otherwise no.

Belindabauer · 01/03/2018 08:30

You have done nothing wrong.
Why on earth should the up drive for her neighbour in this weather.
The ndns know what the weather is like.
Some people are cf.
My ex in laws would often expect me or ex h to trail round for them, whilst fil was in the house with his car in the garage.

Spam88 · 01/03/2018 08:31

Ah, well having read your update, she's definitely a CF.

SlackPanther · 01/03/2018 08:31

Fair enough OP: no chance you could have helped, and it sounds as if her DH is a selfish git!

DartmoorDoughnut · 01/03/2018 08:33

Yanbu she should’ve planned ahead and her DH can take her

snewsname · 01/03/2018 08:34

Then she might have to walk and do several trips. Or but only basics.

Remember the mug feeling for other requests in the future from her.

Idontdowindows · 01/03/2018 08:35

If the DH works, they're not going to be an elderly couple

My SFIL worked until he was 78 and quite doddery. Died without ever having retired.

fusushumi · 01/03/2018 08:35

Following your 2nd post, the answer is most definitely CF!
Her husband can take her
or
She can get a taxi
or
She can walk, as you say she's in her 30s!

It is unreasonable for her to ask you to take her when you have no plans to go out yourself - if you were going anyway that would be different, you could take her along too, but you're not.

EffingJeffer · 01/03/2018 08:36

Based on update. YANBU. If she wants to risk driving in this she can make her husband do it.

I reckon her husband has already told her to fuck off as it's too dangerous.

Let her walk, she'll have to make do with a few basics. CF is definitely just trying her luck. Don't feel bad.

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 01/03/2018 08:38

She wants you to drive because her husband is having a lie in?! What cheek! Yanbu to say no

Idontdowindows · 01/03/2018 08:39

I heard her husband coughing upstairs, turns out he's not going in and was going to make the most of a snow day to have a lie in

Ok, that's cheeky fucker of the week material for your neighbour right there!

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 01/03/2018 08:40

People who can't drive, and yet don't keep enough food in the house to survive being unable to get to the shops for a couple of days, are making a rod for their own back. Yes, we can construct "ah, what about?" scenarios involving grinding poverty and heroin addicted sisters who steal all the food, but for most people (ie, people whose husbands work and have cars) it's a choice. And a bad choice, with consequences. Enabling them doesn't help.

senua · 01/03/2018 08:43

She needs to do a BIG shop

So it's not even popping-out-for-a-loaf. It's sit-in-the-car-park-for-an-hour-waiting-for-her. Definitely cheeky! And disorganised.

ifonly4 · 01/03/2018 08:45

No disrespect to your neighbour, she's younger than you and has a husband who drives, she's had all week to top up her shopping - this is exactly what I've done, not panic buying but making sure I've got enough in the way of essentials to keep us going. I couldn't carry the milk back yesterday with other things, so I'll be off on my own two feet in a few minutes!

If her husband is at home today, there are two of them to walk to the shops now and bring back 2/3 bags each which should keep them going.

extinctspecies · 01/03/2018 08:49

The bad weather is due to be over by the weekend.

We've had loads of warning about it, she could have stocked up in advance.

I have decided to walk to the shops today (about half a mile) to pick up bread, which we've run out of.

crazycatgal · 01/03/2018 08:49

She's in her 30s and her husband is home with a car he could take his own wife in? What a CF. Why do you even feel bad?

Appuskidu · 01/03/2018 08:49

You haven’t actually told us what YOU said during this exchange?

What did you go round and say? You said you felt bad, but did you arrive and say you felt bad and ...

What did you say when she told you her husband was home?

I can’t quite envisage this conversation.

You seem to like her as you’ve taken her shopping before (she is in her 30s, why doesn’t she get online deliveries?) though I can’t see why you like her. She doesn’t sound very nice. Does she work? Drive? How does she normally get a big shop done!?

TheCatsMother44 · 01/03/2018 08:51

Oh my goodness! CF alert!

Original poster
SugarPlumLairy · 01/03/2018 08:53

Thank you all, I was feeling so mean and shitty about it. I didn't mean to rush back inside house but was stood in dressing gown and PJs looking like crap and was a bit surprised.

She's normally lovely, I don't mind doing a shop with her, and have helped her in past but today was just....odd. We've had snow for a couple of days, not bad, but indicative of what was to come so yes I wouldn't have left shopping till the actual worst day this week. We knew it would be bad today.

And she knows that my DD has ASD, routine is a deal breaker for us so i do feel a bit put upon now I know that she asked knowing her husband is in bed and myDD is already struggling with routineupheaval.

Hmmmm ...I think many of you are right I need to keep a eye that I'm not feeding the entitlement.

Thanks again... off to finally get some breakfast.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2018 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/03/2018 08:54

This all seems strange. Is there more to this story OP? I can't imagine anyone asking their neighbour to take them to the supermarket when their husband is at home. Shock

Appuskidu · 01/03/2018 08:55

So, are you actually going to tell us what you said to her??

lunar1 · 01/03/2018 08:57

You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why to don't want to drive out in the snow. Not wanting to is enough.

FrancisCrawford · 01/03/2018 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.