Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

Most people who have managed to get onto the property ladder did so by coming into some money. I think it’s hard these days especially the house prices and costs of living.

And as an aside, where do parents (usually aged 55-60-ish) pull 50 grand from to hand to their adult children?

In the case of my DSS's mother, from endowments that are maturing and the lump sum from a couple of pensions she's been paying into for years.

That's just for a loft conversion though. He bought the house (3-bed semi in Brighton) with £100k trust fund he inherited from his grandmother when he was 21.

He knows he's very lucky though. He was the only grandchild when granny died, so he got it all. There are now 3 other GCs who won't be so lucky, although granddad is pretty loaded.

He lives with his partner and their child, and they share the house with a couple of their friends and their child. They charge them a very low rent so that they can save a deposit, and the loft conversion is so that the 2 little girls can each have their own room. So he's sharing the good fortune in a way, and isn't smug about it at all.

I was incredibly lucky because my dad bought me a flat in London about 12 years ago. I tried to share it a bit by letting various friends have the spare room rent free, and one day the money will go on/to my DC.

To look down on others who aren't in that position is just shitty. I've never told anyone (apart from DH of course) that dad bought the flat for me, and I've never heard anyone sneering at others, but I can well imagine that it happens. Everyone likes to think that they have it hard/have worked hard.

Everyone I know my age or younger (late thirties)has had help from their families to buy. Everyone. Either a cash gift, an enormous and interest free loan or rent free accomodation whilst they saved. I don't think friends look down on us as such, more that they just don't get it. They were helped though uni so left with a lots less debt than they might. Had lots of general help along the way, cash for rental deposits, driving lessons and a first car, weddings and now we're older childcare. A lot of my friends will say things like 'have you thought of just buying somewhere ?', 'can't your parents just help?' And 'didn't you get money when you mum died?'. It's frustrating.

people who's parents are prepared to do free childcare, never seem to see that as their parents effectively giving them £1k a month (or whatever childcare in their area costs).

This! People who get help in whatever form from their parents can be very variable in how they acknowledge it. Although free childcare can be withdrawn, whereas once a parent has handed over deposit money, that's that and their adult child can behave as badly as they like, it ain't coming back.

Me and dp bought our house when I was 19. Saved every penny for God knows how long. Was living with parents whilst doing this but also contributed to bills etx and bought own food and stuff. But I live in a v cheap part of the country and I wouldn't Lord it over anyone else.

Nothing wrong with renting at all imo. Harder than paying a mortgage too.

I pride in your financial situation unpleasant. Why does it matter to people so much that others know how hard they worked, how many sacrifices they made or how clever they are at budgeting? Do you buy a house to live in or to prove how great you are.

I don't like the opposite either when people tell others how lucky they are. Why does it matter if it was luck or skill?

"Rent is money down the drain" is the worst. It is not money down the drain. It is paying the market rate for a roof over my head.

I had a mortgage, but paid if off with an inheritance from my late brother. He was very specific - i think he wanted me to think fondly of him every month!! It's very bitter sweet. I am, though, now in a position to plan ahead for my children.

IRL, only my parents know.

I would not classify someone who lived with their parents as an adult and saved every penny in the same bracket as someone who is gifted s lump sum.

Is it help, sure, is it better than someone who doesn't have this option, sure, but it's not friggen easy in most instances. I suspect a lot of people also have this option but would rather eat their own leg than do it and couldn't wait to get out and get their own place, and as such not sure it's fair to deride those who did it.

All my close friends have had financial assistance in one form or another ranging from living rent free to having a house bought for them. I know this because they are all open about this and extremely humble about it - except one couple. They were extremely smug about buying in their early twenties, asking me why I didn't buy etc. I later discovered that one of their parents had paid all conveyancing and survey fees and that they had a 100% mortgage. They nearly lost their home when one was made redundant, again smug that they managed to keep the house, except it transpired that one of their parents had actually paid the shortfall of the mortgage repayments(!). They now own a larger house. One of their parents gave them over £60k to secure this house. Yes, I have no doubt they worked hard to save money towards the new house but the fact is that they would not have it if it hadn't been for their parents and their hard work is not the primary reason.

It’s the same with childcare. All our friends had family and free help with their kids. Weekends away- nights out etc etc. We didn’t -‘ how much for nursery fees?’ I wouldn’t leave them etc etc.. people - they always have to put you down or worse ‘smug’. It’s so depressing!

I don't like the opposite either when people tell others how lucky they are. Why does it matter if it was luck or skill?

Because people keeping quiet about it when it was sheer luck - like getting a deposit from your parents is - helps to create the erroneous impression that it's much easier to buy a house without this kind of help than it is, which a) makes people who can't do it feel shit and b) more importantly, helps people to keep their heads in the sand about the housing crisis. If everyone who had only been able to buy through such luck was open about it, people might see the scale of the problem a bit more clearly.

I bought a flat as a student at age 23 with no financial help from my parents but it was back in the days of 1000% mortgages. Certainly couldn’t do it now.

I think the issue is more about those who were given a helping hand looking down at others who weren't. I know a mixed bag of couples: some rent, some rent & house share to save up, some earn a lot & have mortgages & some were given money by family. So long as the latter are not all smug & self righteous about it I don't have an issue with it.

I don't view it to be the same thing when someone is just given a lump sum gift of money from living relatives for a deposit vs allowing your grown children to live rent free or for little rent while they save up a deposit for a house. The latter still takes work and a degree of self-discipline, that many people lack.

My husband's father likes a more spacious place but hates living alone so offered my husband (before we were married) a rent free room to stay in.

My husband offered more than once to contribute to bills but was always told no. It took a lot of discipline for him to save, he rejected many nights out with friends and co-workers so as not to spend unnecessarily which ended up isolating him from his social circle when it was all said and done. He hasn't really been able to form a new social circle or even really have a close mate since then so I don't think it would be fair to say he didn't sacrifice anything in order to get on the property ladder.

Oh and my husband has never been a twat about being able to get on the property ladder at a younger age. We feel very fortunate and grateful that he was invited to stay rent free with his father.

We both silently disagree with his Mum choosing to charge rent to his younger siblings rather than offer them rent free on the condition they save for a deposit. Their relationship with their father is unfortunately too volatile so neither would ever take him up on an offer live with him.

If you make the right decisions and budget it's not actually that hard to buy a home, you just have to be realistic.

I used to work with a total twat of a colleague who would bang on quite publically about being a Tory and how society needed to change and the poor were lazy and needed to work hard enough and all their prayers would be answered. But no they are dirty skanks and worthless. Hated single mums.
She inherited a house from her grandma so had no mortgage aged 22. Meritocracy worked for her

I have a relative like this who is very vocal about overpaying on their mortgage to the extent that they will soon be mortgage free, and have been able to fund lots of renovations, not because their house is falling down, but to add value and suit their lifestyle. They have only been able to do this because another family member does all their childcare for free, and enables them to work full time without long career breaks. They 'work hard ' for their money and 'deserve it' which makes me feel bitter as the family member choose to help them over us and our family and I've not been able get the same favourable career chances and finances as a result.

I hate when people assume that because you are young that your parents have given you the money for a house deposit when actually you saved up for it through sheer hard work,

@Beverlyhills

"Well yes, it would be. if it were happening. Which I really don't think it is, except in your imagination."

Well considering most posters here know someone who is currently doing this, and as I have read stories about SIL/relatives/colleagues questioning why previous posters weren't on the ladder/life choices/etc, then I think you're being a bit harsh on me. I'm clearly not the only one here who has been discriminated against.

To add to the mix, I have friends renting with partners and a couple with starter homes brought with their own money. One friend talks about moving in with her DP and criticised others homes (small, like a student house, undesirable area.) ......she has a multiple thousand pound trust fund, DP is on 30k in a VERY cheap area and has been given 5k from parents ....hmmm

I bought my first house with my exh, aged 26. This was the first town outside Boston we could afford to buy in. We bought a 4 bedroom cape cod house in a quiet town. The house cost $135,000. No help from parents, we had no children and both worked full time, down payment $14,000
Here we are 26 years later and my house is now worth close to $500,000. Even at this stage in my life I couldnt afford a garage in this town. New development across the street starting at $750,000. All old houses like mine bought, knocked down and a McMansion built on the lot.
I bought the exh out when we divorced 16 years ago, I had to give him almost what we had paid for the place in the first place.
Proportionally house prices have gone up far more than wages. It was easy to get $13,000 together while renting a 1 bed apartment for $550 a month and that included all utilities. If I was that age now and just starting out Id need to pay $1800 for rent on the same apartment, without utilities included. I would then have to save up at least $50,000 ( if I was lucky and could get an FSA loan) probably need $100,000.
I dont envy young people today trying to do that alone. Also they dont like 'gifted' money here when getting a mortgage. They want you to show where you got the deposit from. A friend of mine transferred her deposit from one account to another to pay. It caused all kinds of issues as the deposit of the amount showed up on her bank statement and she had to prove it was not "gifted" money.
Glad Im not starting out now. I also get the impression its easier to get a mortgage over here that there so it must be dire and depressing for young people now

That's interesting, why don't they like people to have gifted money, theoldtrout. Is it just because they want applicants to show that they are able to save up? But surely if you had a decent amount of savings, plus the gift of money on top, that would be acceptable?

I do understand the US mortgage system is very different, like I think when someone buys a house they take on the old mortgage of the previous owners, or did I get that wrong?

Hopefully someone answered this but many 50-60 yr olds are mortgage free with 80+ yr old parents who sadly pass away.
So often that money is passed on to the younger 30+ yr olds.

I don’t know anyone who has afforded to buy a house without the help of their parents, and no one brags about it. Everyone finds it incredible demoralising.

I have one friend who at 30, after moving home after university and working in a geey good job and saving still can’t afford anywhere. She has a good amount saved up, but the mortgage she can get alone just won’t buy her anything. I genuinely don’t know how people do it without help and I’m in awe of anyone who does!