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AIBU?

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Original poster

Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

337 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 28/02/2018 15:58

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

OP posts:
CPtart · 28/02/2018 19:21

SIL got £10k from PIL for her house deposit. DH and I got zero. Only a lecture that we weren't married first!

The80sweregreat · 28/02/2018 19:22

I don’t think the op is imaging people ‘looking down on them’ - people do and I think it’s getting worse as well. It’s sad actually but it does happen.

BeverlyHillsBillie · 28/02/2018 19:23

We are planning to be able to give each of our children a deposit. We will absolutely be able to do it, I see no reason why not. The hardest part is for them to be able to earn enough to get mortgages for the remainder.

Jux · 28/02/2018 19:24

We are homeowners (and mortgage free) thanks to parents and inheritances. I know it's terribly important to dh, but sometimes I wish I was still renting. Being a homeowner has a lot of responsibilities attached, and our house (old, Grade 2, 'quirky', many original features) is not only a money pit, but actually a chain around our necks, I would love to live in a little flat where everything just bloody works!

FluffyWuffy100 · 28/02/2018 19:27

There is some massively high statistic re FTB and help form the BOMD

Personally, I don't know anyone who purchased property in london without some kind of help from BOMD or inheritance.

BlackeyedSusan · 28/02/2018 19:31

hard work and going without paid the deposit, both my hard work and my parents! we may have got there on our own but not as fast. very very grateful.

I feel sorry for those who are renting and trying to save, or have no hope of ever being able save/ to get a house. not so sorry for the whingers who wish for a house but not able to make sacrifices to save the deposit. (expensive holidays, latest gadgerts etc. ) fine to have other stuff but ffs do not whinge about not having money for a house.

MikeAlphaMikeAlpha · 28/02/2018 19:33

I've never heard anyone be nasty or 1upish about owning a house.
I bought my first home at 23, my df lent me the deposit and i have recently paid every penny back. Which makes me feel good. I was probably too young to have the responsibility and sacrificed a lot so that I could be independent (after a turbulent childhood watching my mother be reliant on the many men in her life). I now rent this place out and bought another with my dh, we were not helped in anyway to buy this one. I don't look down on renters and I honestly think the next generation will be renters rather than owners as everything is going to be out of their reach. This is the norm in most of Europe. There are pros and cons to both but don't let anyone make you feel bad, if you've got a roof over your head just be happy!

AnnabelleLecter · 28/02/2018 19:36

So many young people get help now perhaps they wrongly assume that everyone does.
I feel for those who don't get any help, even though I didn't.
Then it only took us about 18 months to save for deposit and fees and that was while we rented, now it takes years.

We intend to help out with a deposit, we've been lucky with equity and feel we should pass it down. No trust fund but If we could buy the whole house for dc we would.
Also I think first time buyers are buying 3 or 4 beds if they can get the deposit and mortgage sorted.
Not bothering with starter homes means they don't need to move for years and no stamp duty.

ScattyCharly · 28/02/2018 19:40

Most people I know who have received deposit help from parents: the parents free up money by selling the family home and buying a 2 bed or 1bed place for themselves. It seems a reasonable thing to do.

notheretoargue · 28/02/2018 19:40

Yanbu. And I speak as someone who was given a deposit when I was 35 and pregnant. I am quite vocal about it actually - I tell people the only reason I still live in London is because my parents were in a position to be so generous (had just sold their house for a massive profit). There is no way I’d be working or living the way I do if it wasn’t for their gift, and as long as people like me think it’s none of anyone’s business how we got our money, the longer we will be complicit in the idea that economic growth can be achieved in a low wage economy that only rewards people with assets.

notheretoargue · 28/02/2018 19:43

And don’t get me started on the people who’s parents bought them property in their 20s, and who have invested over the years / benefited from the boom and now own multiple properties that they rent out at extortionate prices to people that they say are richer than them because they can afford the rent. They’re not richer, they have no choice. Renting in this country is totally shit. It gets shitter every year and they put the rents up anyway.

Eolian · 28/02/2018 19:44

Boasting and one-upmanship about it is obviously unacceptable, but I don't see why anyone should feel ashamed of being given a deposit (or even a house) by their family. What's shame got to do with it? Some families have lots of money. Why shouldn't they spend it on helping to give their children a nice life?

DaphneduM · 28/02/2018 19:45

My daughter, niece and nephews all had parental help with their deposits for their houses. In my case, I simply passed on some of my inheritance from my lovely parents which otherwise would just have been sat around losing value due to inflation. My mum always told me that 'money was a tool to be used wisely' and that is therefore what I've done. We have our own fairly modest mortgage free home, a car and decent work pensions, so we have everything we need and are not into a flash lifestyle anyway. It gives me great joy to see my daughter and lovely son-in-law in a warm, cosy home of their own. They had previously rented for about three years. They had to be financially solvent to pass all the hurdles to get a mortgage, so there's a lot more to it than just being passed over a deposit - that's only the start of the process. No way are they smug either, my daughter always says how very lucky she is and yes, they do both work hard. If it's within their means, all decent parents will do similar. It's much better to live to see them enjoying some of their inheritance now, rather than after one's death. More tax efficient too, provided you live seven years after the gift.

user1497199406 · 28/02/2018 19:54

Very annoying. Don't assume every young homeowner is gifted or an inheritee though. I bought my house at 23, I'm the sole home owner and had not £1 of help. Sometimes hard work pays off and it's ok to be proud of that.

Creambun2 · 28/02/2018 19:56

Yes it is sickening. The shit spouted about how they didn't want to pay anyones mortgage etc and it turns out mummy and daddy have handed over 10 of thousands of pounds. Why no humility when this happens?

ssd · 28/02/2018 19:58

I hear you op. what I find hard is when people assume as you have lost both your parents you must have had an inheritance. I didnt, nor did dh.

The80sweregreat · 28/02/2018 20:04

I won't have an inheritance- we changed our will a few years back to include ds2 and the solicitor assumed we would ‘ come into money’ in the future. He Was shocked when we said no we wouldn’t. People assume all sorts.

ssd · 28/02/2018 20:05

user1497199406 , I bought my flat at 23 too, but in the 90's, when that was possible

are you talking about buying a house now or when 100% mortgages were available?

TartanMamma · 28/02/2018 20:13

I bought my first house when I was 19, with no help from my parents or anyone else. I lived with my Grandparents at the time paying 35% of my wage per month in rent, as well as extra for things like having cable TV in my room, my car and all the running costs like (crazy expensive) insurance, maintenance etc.

I work hard, putting in lots of overtime, saved hard and sacrificed holidays with my friends, nights out etc. Despite this many people assumed that my parents funded all or part of my deposit, which was very frustrating.

lostintheplace · 28/02/2018 20:14

I'm 23 and bought my first place in the Home Counties with my partner in his twenties without any financial help from anyone else.

I have never looked down on someone for renting but I also do think some people make it out to be harder than it is.

That said, I have a very good job but I came from a below the poverty line family and was the first to attend university. Life is what you make it.

The80sweregreat · 28/02/2018 20:15

Its nice that some people can have help financially. Not everyone can or does - a bit of empathy and humility is what is missing i think.

maddiemookins16mum · 28/02/2018 20:18

Oh god yes. A work colleague of mine given 40k in the late 90's and this really helped her. The comments about me 'still renting' are archived in my hurt box.

The80sweregreat · 28/02/2018 20:30

Maddie, thats sad to read. I feel so sad that life is all what you've got and what car you drive and all the rest. My dad has always rented ( council tenant) and my in laws. Its circumstsnces in their cases ( couldnt buy their houses for all manner of reasons and not high earners ) but they dont care and get on with it. Its hard these days for the youngsters. Much harder than it was for me and we didnt always have it easy either. Even these ones with it all dont seem happy from what i can see. The grass isnt always greener.

CoffeeOrSleep · 28/02/2018 20:36

Shinycat where do parents (usually aged 55-60-ish) pull 50 grand from to hand to their adult children?

Usually from savings - if they bought themselves in their early 20s could well have been mortgage free around 45. That mortgage or rent they would other wise have been paying out they can save. If you'd previously been paying out £500 a month in mortgage (not that high), and just saved that, it's £60k in 10 years. Many will have been able to save much more than that, and many will have over paid on mortgages to be free from debt well before the 25 years.

For those parents who suddenly saw their lifestyles in their mid 40s improve dramatically by having no mortgage or rent to pay, helping their DCs start the 25 year mortgage sooner rather than later seems sensible.

But gloating as if you entirely earned it when you were gifted that money is crass and bloody annoying.

Mind you, people who's parents are prepared to do free childcare, never seem to see that as their parents effectively giving them £1k a month (or whatever childcare in their area costs).

greendale17 · 28/02/2018 20:37

but I don't see why anyone should feel ashamed of being given a deposit (or even a house) by their family. What's shame got to do with it? Some families have lots of money. Why shouldn't they spend it on helping to give their children a nice life?

^This. I am not well off by any means and between us we only earn the average salary each however I will giving my children a house deposit each.