to feel we've let our summer born daughter down?

[HappinessIsASnowBoot]

My daughter was born in late June and is due to start school in September when she'll be 4. I was already a bit wobbly about it , and wishing we'd applied to defer her a year, but am now really stressing after a nursery parent's evening.

Apparently my daughter only plays with other children if directed into a group activity by an adult (otherwise preferring to play with certain adults or alone), gets cross and upset if children behave in ways she doesn't expect, and is generally just quite young in her behaviour compared to other children in the same 'school year'. She's apparently 'emerging' in social and emotional development for her age, but as expected otherwise.

I asked about school transition and was told that they 'have a lot of hope' that she will make enough progress in the next 6 months to be ok. Which is not terribly optimistic.

From what I've read it's now too late to try to defer, and my LEA doesn't seem terribly keen on deferrals for summer borns anyway.

Can anyone reassure with me with tales of summer born children who were ok?

And has anyone got any tips on how to stop beating myself up over the fact the we didn't try to get a deferral? I just feel like even if she is ok, we've let her down by not trying.

Hi. It's not compulsory to send a child to school until 5. Can you just withdraw your school's application and start again next year?

I honestly wouldn’t worry too much - my January born son had similar feedback in nursery. He started Reception in September and has settled in really well.

He may have some ASC traits which we’re having assessed but he’s meeting all academic requirements, starting to make friends and loved going to school.

Your daughter sounds like she just needs a little time.

Keep an eye on her and be supportive and I’m sure she’ll get there.

My sister an August baby - quite a worry to my parents as she was extremely shy, would cry at play dates and have to be picked up early and too nervous for brownies etc.

Ended up with a first class degree and top job in arts world where she regularly socialises in a professional capacity with politicians, royalty, super rich and gives talks at festivals etc we laugh about it now

My daughter (4 in August 2018) started school in September and you wouldn’t know there is any difference in age between her and others in her year. I’m not sure how many hours your daughter does at nursery but I made sure that mine did 4 full days at Pre school the last couple of terms as going to school every day was a massive shock to my eldest! My youngest did play well with others in pre school but she was quite shy and she has totally come out of herself at school. She’s ahead in her phonics compared to my other daughter at this time of year and she was a January baby.
I don’t think deferring a year would help as she’ll be so behind when she joins her year group the following September. Honestly, they all learn at their own pace anyway so she’ll be fine!

There is a document on gov.uk called 'Advice on the admission of summer born children' which may be helpful

My niece had the same sort of feedback at that age - she's 9 September so almost the oldest in her year! It just takes some children longer to settle in, so don't feel that you have let her down. So long as you're supporting her and the school are helping, you aren't letting her down at all, you're doing your best.

(If anecdotes help, niece is now 12 and very popular at school; it all evened out during the first year or two)

We have an August born dd1. Like pps, she did increasing hours in nursery and preschool when she was 3. Between the two settings, she knew almost everyone in reception and has absolutely flown. Shes in the top ability groups for everything and regularly gets picked for school sports teams.

Bear in mind that if you delay starting, your child will join the same year group in year 1 when they have already had a test if settling into school, making friends etc. In England there is a big step up from reception (play based curriculum) to year 1 (formal education).
Dd2 (not summer born) struggled more with the yrR to Yr1 transition than any of the kids did going into reception.

Chances are she'll be fine - 6 months is a long time in the life of a nursery child! However, you can decide not to send before 5 and then make an application for her to be admitted to reception rather than year 1. The LA must make the decision on appropriate year group based on 'the best interests of the child' - if you have evidence from nursery that could be helpful. You would still be entitled to 15 hours free childcare if you defer.

As a PP poster said you can defer until next year as they technically don’t have to start school until the term after their 5th birthday. However check your LA’s rules regarding this as in my area you can defer but the child then starts in Yr1 not reception - so they would end up missing a whole school year. It seems insane to me but that’s how they do it here, so you may be best off just sending her.

My ds is July born. Started school September 2017. I was worried as he isn't particularly emotionally mature, and thought he would struggle with the formal school setting. The first few months were a bit tricky and at the October parents evening we were told he was still learning the ropes. But by Christmas he was fine. Just took a bit longer than the older ones to "get it".

He loves school now.

Please don’t worry too much about it. My DC was an August baby, started school 3 weeks after turning 4 and was absolutely fine.
Our school has half days to start with leading up to full days, we were given the opportunity to extend the half days for a little longer but we decided not to.

My DD was born in June. We defered her and she started in Year 1 the September after her 5th birthday. Everyone said she would be at a disadvantage having missed her reception year.

She’s at secondary school now and she has (since starting year 1) been top of her class in every possible way. Her SATs results in year 6 were the highest achieved and she is an absolute social butterfly.

Though I have the fear with our second daughter. She will turn 5 in January so we don’t have the option to defer - she has to start this September.

I'm a teacher and I'd say it's still fairly normal for children in EYFS to play alone. Of course, social skills still form a big part of their learning in the first year of school. She will surprise you, I'm sure. It I were you I'd still have her start school and if in the unlikely event she really struggles, you can remove her and try again in yr.1. Defering a year can be problematic if your preferred school is popular as there is unlikely to be space for her in yr.1 (they don't reserve a place)

I have a summer born too and briefly considered deferring but to me it seemed he would just be at more of a disadvantage joining an established class group in year 1. he would have missed a whole year of school and be playing catch up and all the other kids would know each other.

My DS is July born and there is no way he is starting school at just 4. It's not to late! You can fight this.

Look up flexible school admissions for summerborns on Facebook. The group is amazing - so much knowledge and great support.

You can also consider sending part time, some schools will moan about it but is entirely your right to do this until the Easter term, I think it is.

You can start in reception now by the way! Not year 1. Don't worry about missing a year.

my daughter's birthday is aug 30th so literally the youngest you can be in her year. her best friend's birthday is the first week of sep so there is very nearly a year between them. we were worried but she did fine! in reception she was noticeably more tired than the older children and did part time for a while. she is now year 3 and honestly you wouldn't know. she is top groups for everything and socially is fine. sometimes I think its a bit tough as she has to be older than she is but I also look at the year below and think she would have been too old in that one

You can still defer her if you think she needs it.

Hi OP, both DH and I are June babies, we both have degrees from Russell Group uni's (DH 1:1, me 2:2) I went on to do a masters later in life. Academically we both have achieved.

DS is a summer baby, we were told the same thing as you have been, despite my logical brain telling me otherwise, I was worried but I need not have been. DS is a happy child, yes during key stage 1, I have seen differences between him and children born at the start of the academic year but nothing that concerns us. DS loves school and whereas in nursery he was very shy, in school he has positively blossomed.

There were quite a few summer born children in my DD's reception. it was noticeable a first few years but then it's gone, it's often about them being smaller and more tired physically. I would say that September- October born children usually look more confident and "mature". One child ( May born) did half-day first 6 months.
You can defer but the question is will she go to reception or straight to Year 1 afterwards. If it's to Year 1 - what the point? Reception class is usually more flexible and relaxed so you could vary arrangements like collect her before lunch first week, than after lunch, than 2 days a week full day, etc. With gradual approach you might see her settled much quicker.

I could have written this post this time last year. My dd is late June and started reception in September 2017.
In the months before she started I was convinced she wasn’t ready- she was very very shy, lacking in confidence and preferred to play alone or alongside others. By the end of the summer term in 2017 we had made huge progress and settled really well at school. She’s still a little quiet at time but is genuinely thriving. She has lots of friends, interacts with others and the teaching staff and is doing well with phonics etc. She’s developed lots in the last six months and adores school. She even wants to go at the weekend
I now feel that if we had deferrred her entry for a year it wouldn’t have been right for her. I think she would’ve been bored at home for another year.
Obviously this is anecdotal but it worked out for us and I’m glad we made this choice.

Please don't beat yourself up.

Mine was a summer baby too, and has definitely taken time to develop, but has caught up. If anything he is probably now more mature (or at least more thoughtful) than many of his peers, although he will never be the life-and-soul of the party. He also wouldn't join in groups unless directed by an adult and was quite shy and lacking in confidence - but is now happily taking part in verse speaking and debating competitions and definitely isn't backward at coming forward, although it has perhaps taken him longer to get there.

We too thought of deferring and/or repeating a year but are glad we didn't on balance.

You have to do what's best for you, and your daughter, but there are, I am told, disadvantages to deferring - that said I also know quite a few children in my son's year who have either deferred or repeated a year and it definitely doesn't seem to have done them any harm. So, I think it's probably definitely not a case of one size fits all.

As your daughter gets older, I am sure that being a summer baby will make less of a difference.

My July born was fine, loved it from day 1 and is now doing really well in her GCSE's
My November baby struggled far more to settle, but I'm not sure deferring would have helped - a lot of the strong friendships are developed in those early days, and being 'one of the original crowd' really helped.
Different children react differently, but as long as she's not unhappy about playing alone some of the time (which it seems she's doing by choice - she's not being left out) then I wouldn't worry . She'll develop social skills more by being in school than at home

Address your stressing, otherwise it will affect your parenting. Relax, there is no right answer, we all just muddle through. My summer born has done fine.