to feel we've let our summer born daughter down?

[HappinessIsASnowBoot]

My daughter was born in late June and is due to start school in September when she'll be 4. I was already a bit wobbly about it , and wishing we'd applied to defer her a year, but am now really stressing after a nursery parent's evening.

Apparently my daughter only plays with other children if directed into a group activity by an adult (otherwise preferring to play with certain adults or alone), gets cross and upset if children behave in ways she doesn't expect, and is generally just quite young in her behaviour compared to other children in the same 'school year'. She's apparently 'emerging' in social and emotional development for her age, but as expected otherwise.

I asked about school transition and was told that they 'have a lot of hope' that she will make enough progress in the next 6 months to be ok. Which is not terribly optimistic.

From what I've read it's now too late to try to defer, and my LEA doesn't seem terribly keen on deferrals for summer borns anyway.

Can anyone reassure with me with tales of summer born children who were ok?

And has anyone got any tips on how to stop beating myself up over the fact the we didn't try to get a deferral? I just feel like even if she is ok, we've let her down by not trying.

I deferred my child one week before the start of reception. Started reception a year later. All good.

I remember feeling very nervous, especially when I compared her to Sept/Oct born kids who would be starting school with her. She was absolutely fine

This is the problem. Parents of summer borns compare their child to September borns, forgetting that there will probably only be a couple of September borns in their class and that most children will be everywhere in between!

I was summer born (August) struggled for first few years in school, I have 2 degrees, an MA and in last few months of PhD.
My son is also summer born and in year 1, he worries about getting things right and finds writing difficult but maths is good and I know that he just needs time to catch up.
Try not to worry too much, it'll be ok, the difference just seems a lot wider at this age.

This kind of thread always makes me smile. In the early 70s when the school leaving age was going up to 16 one of my form group was very unhappy as his birthday was 1st September, meaning that he would have to stay the extra year! To add fuel to his fury he discovered that he'd been born less than a minute after midnight and his mother 'could have pushed more'. His mother later told me that they had been pleased that he wasn't a Summer baby, because that made him the oldest in his year group.

I found it helpful to think about whether I genuinely felt DD wouldn't cope or if I was just projecting what others (mainly MIL) were saying. DD would have missed a school year if we deferred so it wasn't a straight forward option.

As it happened, DD coped really well. The only thing she wasn't keen on was phonics/reading. She refused phonics until Y1 and had a low reading ability right through into Y3. She started Y4 below her age but has just flown with reading this year. She's now reading over 2 years higher than she was in September and is reading above her age. I think it has taken time to click.

DD has always been a confident girl, she's smart and had good vocabulary, so there was no worry about her not being able to communicate well or understand what was going on. She had already been in a childcare setting prior to starting Reception and I think this also helped.

Every child is different, whether they are born in August or September. Yes there are sometimes issues for our August children to overcome but I don't think they have to be insurmountable for all August children. Not all September born children will breeze through school either and the bulk of the class will be somewhere in between.

My niece, born late July and admitted for failure to thrive twice, is now one of the most intelligent women I know.

As for the Little Prince (see Classics) born 27/8/17, if he stays back a year will probably lead a revolution.

Quotes from the report: When you are born matters - Evidence for England Institute for Fiscal Studies

3.5 Summary
This chapter has shown that there are significant differences between those born
at the start and end of the academic year in terms of educational attainment,
attitudes and behaviours during childhood, and further and higher education
participation and attainment.

When outcomes are measured on the same date during childhood, those born at
the end of the academic year are also:
• likely to exhibit significantly poorer socio-emotional development;
• likely to have significantly lower confidence in their own ability;
• significantly less likely to believe that their own actions make a difference.
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.fr/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.ifs.org.uk/comms/r80.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjx4ZW038_ZAhVFaRQKHWjrAlQQFjAJegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw3cNIfjRuaxj9ZXLvuPybu6" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">link

I’m an August baby and had only been 4 for a couple of weeks when I went to school. All absolutely fine! Have 2 degrees, professional job, confident and happy! Reckon that your June child will do just fine!

If you want her to start in the same school year as she’s meant to you aren’t legally required to send her til the summer term ie next Easter.

The school will make a fuss but it is your right to do so. I deferred my May born until after Xmas the year she went to school and kept her in nursery an extra term. Best decision I could have made. Being the oldest in the group really brought her confidence out and the nursery teacher gave her one to one time in what she’d have learnt in that term at school so she was slightly ahead of her peers with phonics etc when she did start.

I remember loads of parents saying to me that there dc was “so ready” for school - I had no idea what they were talking about, my dcs were not ready or desperate to start but I had no choice back then, if I had I’d have deferred.