to feel we've let our summer born daughter down?

[HappinessIsASnowBoot]

My daughter was born in late June and is due to start school in September when she'll be 4. I was already a bit wobbly about it , and wishing we'd applied to defer her a year, but am now really stressing after a nursery parent's evening.

Apparently my daughter only plays with other children if directed into a group activity by an adult (otherwise preferring to play with certain adults or alone), gets cross and upset if children behave in ways she doesn't expect, and is generally just quite young in her behaviour compared to other children in the same 'school year'. She's apparently 'emerging' in social and emotional development for her age, but as expected otherwise.

I asked about school transition and was told that they 'have a lot of hope' that she will make enough progress in the next 6 months to be ok. Which is not terribly optimistic.

From what I've read it's now too late to try to defer, and my LEA doesn't seem terribly keen on deferrals for summer borns anyway.

Can anyone reassure with me with tales of summer born children who were ok?

And has anyone got any tips on how to stop beating myself up over the fact the we didn't try to get a deferral? I just feel like even if she is ok, we've let her down by not trying.

We deferred DS, best decision ever. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

My eldest daughter was born at the end of July. There has been no difference in her overall development/achievements compared with her sister born in the autumn. Both went on to Oxbridge.

Another one with an August born child doing fine, now 8. Started school 2 weeks after becoming 4. Only issue has been with handwriting - very similar situation to his friend who is 8 months older than him (Nov birthday) so its swings and roundabouts and all balances out. I fretted a lot, with I hadn't. It was a waste of fret-time. Be reassured and relax.

Please try not to worry. I had similar fears for my July born DD. They DO change a lot between now and September, so chances are your DD will be fine.
We found that reception wasn't much different to nursery anyway - the bigger change comes in Year 1.
Also, there are bound to be other children in her class in a similar position - she won't be the only summer born in a class full of September birthdays (hopefully!!). So the teacher will adjust teaching accordingly.

If you are still concerned when she starts, you could think about deferring her until January or doing half days for the first term. I know people who have done both of these (although the school wasn't happy about the latter arrangement, they did agree to it with a lot of pushing from the parent).

Two summer babies. DS found is hard to settle but in Y2 is fine and at the top of the class. DD was fine in all aspects except exhausted by half term of the summer term every year until about yr 4.
Both very happy and well adjusted,

I would worry far less about a girl in this situation as in my experience they are just more independent and cope better in social situations than summer born boys. I can see that you have said preschool seemed concerned. Are they concerned enough to suggest a SEN assessment? I’m not sure if you are thinking your daughter might have extra needs but that’s something that school could access help for if they have a report from a pediatrician and if it were me and I had concerns, I’d be pushing for it.

My August born DD struggled socially in reception but was fine by Year 1. I almost cried at her induction day. She seemed SO young compared with the others. Reception was tough but then she just seemed to click and now she's fine.

I was July born and went to Oxbridge if that helps.

My dd is born in August she settled into school no bother nursery it took her well but I think they get used to the routine of it.

Her birthday is June. its only August children whose parents might want to think about deferral. Even then I believe it is usually completely unnecessary. Usually. Sometimes there's a good reason.

August boys are the main concern. A June girl will not be of concern to anyone and you'd struggle to get the LEA to back you up unless she is showing significant signs of not being ready.

She sounds entirely normal. She may make huge progress or she may be a child who prefers her own company. She may not ever join in a great deal. Some don't. Keeping her in nursery another year isn't the answer. School could be just what she needs.

I have an autumn child and I can assure you, when you take them for their first day at big school, it doesn't matter when their birthday is, they look and seem too young. Mums of September children aren't hurling their children in through the Reception classroom door without a backwards glance - believe me.

My DS's birthday is in the summer holidays and he is the second youngest in his class. He also has ASD and was behind socially although not academically. At that time, there was no option to defer by a year unless you wanted to child to join year 1 a year later, which I think would have increased the gap further. So we sent him to school, just turned 4, and only just out of nappies. And do you know what? He was fine! He had extra support in reception ( because of his ASD rather than his age) and as he's gone up through the school, he's required less support. He's now year 3 and is excelling academically, to the point that I'm actually really glad that we didn't have the option to defer him to start year R a year later because he would be bored in year 2 now.

OP, had you attempted to defer your DD you'd have found how difficult this is to do. Schools have to accept your application but, from my experience with a summer born DC, will say that their needs can be met by the teacher and decline the deferral. You won't get to wait a year and then go into reception, only into year 1 as it affects their ability to move into Year 7 at the other end of the school.

Start a conversation now with the nursery about what support your DD needs and what she needs to work on. She may get into her stride in Foundation and Year 1 as she gets to know people, but if you know what any potential issues are, you can be ready to be the squeaky wheel when you need to.

I have an eldest in the year (early Sept) and a youngest in the year (late August).

I also felt my youngest was not ready, but she has settled in fine and seemed to have a real change in school, perhaps as she was able to be more independant and was more able to express her thoughts as her language skills improved. She has been fine, and had I deferred she would have been bored senseless at home, like my Sept born was!

Does she go to a school nursery at all? I found with my summer born child he has done really well since starting a school nursery as its set out like school and means its an easier transition starting reception as he only moves to the room next door so is already familiar with it all.

Can anyone reassure with me with tales of summer born children who were ok?

Sorry, I can't

My son is a July baby - deferring was never suggested then but even now, I wish I'd thought of it and held him back a year (he's 19 now).
I think it would have helped his social skills a lot.
His Reception teacher called me in within the first few weeks with pretty much the same concerns that you mentioned.

If I had my time over, I'd have deferred my son's start date

My DD is an August baby and is now 18. Deferring wasn't an option back in the day, but I did ask the primary if she could be held back a year before starting. That wasn't an option. I knew she wasn't ready for school and she did struggle, especially socially, as she was so much younger than many others - was interested in things like dolls and soft toys long, long after her peers had given them up, that sort of thing. Went to Brownies along with her peer group, too, but struggled there as well. Coped OK academically - was average all the way through and is now heading off to university. I don't think if I had been able to defer, it would have helped, though.

A friend of mine in secondary school was a week away from being the year below and did a few of her exams early.

She was born in the last week of August, went to primary at four and is now an Oxford graduate

I have 3 late Summer born children (now sixth form/ uni students) -all different.

All started school at just 4. Looking back, the first was definitely not ready- he cried every morning, was exhausted and took quite a while to settle. I didn't have the confidence to challenge the status quo at the school. The second was very independent and totally ready for school, even though she was young. The third was fine.

If I had my time over again, I would defer the eldest. I think he would have caught up quickly as he would have been readier to learn.

I'd go with your gut feeling- they can't stop you deferring. Your DC will settle quickly in a Year 1 class if she is more secure and ready to go.

That said, they all did well at school but it would have saved some heartache for both him and me and perhaps helped his confidence.

I was born in August and I was always fine at school - no issues at all. My two closest friends in teenage years were also August ... they were fine too. My DS is more than 10 months older than the youngest children in his class, and they all get on fine: in fact one August born child is the best reader in the class!

Defer her.

My dd and my dgd are August born and neither had any problems socially or academically. Both went on to university. My dil was born 31/8 and started school on her 4th birthday. She went on to take a first class honours degree from York. Her Birthday didn’t affect her at all.

Dts are late august and we're actually due in the October. At this point before they started reception they weren't even properly potty trained.

6 months at that age does make a huge difference.

I have no regrets about not defering mine, they are doing really well in y3 now.

Foundation year seems to be a bit of a bridge between nursery and school. They do a fair amount of playing and it's not school 'proper' to start with, if that makes you feel any better. My June born is starting this year and I'm sure she'll be fine - I'd probably feel differently if she was my first though!

We were all so worried about my nephew who had his 4th birthday at the weekend then started school on the Tuesday but he's doing fine.

Could you maybe meet with the head of early years at her school to talk about your concerns?

My birthday is at the end of July and my DM says that I really struggled when I started reception having just turned 4 and she also found it really hard as I was completely exhausted by Thursday (back then they made us go full time from October half term).
However, I went on to get several A*s at GCSE, Bs at A level and am now hoping to graduate with a first or a 2:1 in a hard science before I even turn 21 (a massive benefit of being a summer baby), and I have absolutely no recollection of reception!

If you're thinking of starting reception at age 5 instead of 4, you do need to think of the long term consequences of this decision. Although deferral is possible, you need to make sure your child will still be funded properly for their final year of school when they are 16/17. If this funding is not agreed with the LA, most secondary schools will have to insist that a child returns to their own age group- either by missing y6, or by going straight into y8, both of which could be tricky socially and academically.

If your LA does agree funding, you're then tied to that LA until your child is 17- so no moves or ability to apply to an out of area school.

I think it would probably be better to have a tricky year when a child is 4, than when they are transitioning to secondary, or worse- in their GCSE year.