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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel we've let our summer born daughter down?

135 replies

HappinessIsASnowBoot · 28/02/2018 11:23

My daughter was born in late June and is due to start school in September when she'll be 4. I was already a bit wobbly about it , and wishing we'd applied to defer her a year, but am now really stressing after a nursery parent's evening.

Apparently my daughter only plays with other children if directed into a group activity by an adult (otherwise preferring to play with certain adults or alone), gets cross and upset if children behave in ways she doesn't expect, and is generally just quite young in her behaviour compared to other children in the same 'school year'. She's apparently 'emerging' in social and emotional development for her age, but as expected otherwise.

I asked about school transition and was told that they 'have a lot of hope' that she will make enough progress in the next 6 months to be ok. Which is not terribly optimistic.

From what I've read it's now too late to try to defer, and my LEA doesn't seem terribly keen on deferrals for summer borns anyway.

Can anyone reassure with me with tales of summer born children who were ok?

And has anyone got any tips on how to stop beating myself up over the fact the we didn't try to get a deferral? I just feel like even if she is ok, we've let her down by not trying.

OP posts:
sevencontinents · 28/02/2018 15:19

One of my DC is summer born and was behind socially until end of year 1/beginning of year 2. The academic side was never a problem. I always worried something was wrong and always looked to 'do' something to help. But actually one day it all just seemed to click socially. Yes, I did encourage play dates but really it was a developmental thing that one day just wasn't an issue any more.

BitchQueen90 · 28/02/2018 15:26

DS is mid June and is doing fine at school. I am August born (the youngest in my school year) and also did fine at school.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 02/03/2018 14:04

Read the evidence linked here www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/education-committee/dfe-evidence-check-forum/summer-born-children/

There is a huge wealth of information here to back up the hypothesis that there is a disadvantage of being summer born and starting school early. (anecdotes above notwithstanding). Read it and be informed.

FluffyWuffy100 · 02/03/2018 14:07

Well, the stats do show that summer born children are disadvantaged in school (accedemiclaly and in sport) and carry that disadvantage through to GCSEs even.

So whilst I’m sure she will be fine, it is a worthwhile concern.

mollied · 02/03/2018 14:10

I'm late June and I never had any problems to my knowledge. Only annoying thing was when everyone got to start driving before me!

DoingTheBestICan · 02/03/2018 14:12

My ds is an Aug born child and you wouldn't know the difference, oh yes you would actually as he is top of the year for Maths & Science. I really wouldn't worry op,

sportyfool · 02/03/2018 14:18

She will be fine ,my son has special needs , couldn't talk and was in nappies when he started school at just 4. He was fine .. I know August babies that are very bright and top of the class in reception . It doesn't always mean she will struggle .

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 02/03/2018 14:19

My reception teacher told my mother that she had never seen a child so anxious at school and that I didn't play with the other children. A few years later I was bumped up a year because they thought I was bored, 10 A*s at GCSE, 5 As at A level, 2:1 from Cambridge, 6 figure salary... all reasons that I'm not worried about my summer born ds! Smile

NannyKasey · 02/03/2018 14:40

My June born DS did far better at school than his November born older sister.

Tfoot75 · 02/03/2018 14:48

Is the social aspect your only worry? My DD now 4.5 (will be 5 in late June) was definitely not playing much with other children in nursery and has been commented on by her reception teacher that she doesn’t play that much with other children now, preferring to play her own games or with the teacher. Apart from this she was very well placed to be starting reception in all other ways and is doing fine at reading and writing. I wouldn’t have considered deferring, and can’t see why anyone would unless there’s a diagnosed delay.

LokiBear · 02/03/2018 14:49

Yes, YABVU. Dd1 was July born and started school at 4. Foundation stage is geared towards developing those social skills so she will be in the perfect place. Give yourself a break - your dd will be fine.

SoozC · 02/03/2018 15:03

Experienced EYFS teacher here. I've seen the majority of summer-born kids develop fine during Reception, so in year 1 you would be hard pushed to tell which were the summer-born. However, this does depend on the level of involvement of the parents. I find the biggest obstacle to progression at school is parental support and involvement.

As an August birth myself, I have 3 degrees and a well-paid job. I know there is research into this but there are so many other variables it's a hard one to judge. I know many summer-born people and the vast majority have had no issues. I see this in every class I teach as well (from Reception to year 6). I honestly don't think there's too much to worry about.

Pinkvoid · 02/03/2018 15:07

My DD is an August baby and started school three weeks after her birthday, when someone in her class was about to turn five. She was quiet and reserved at first but all of my DC are the same so I don’t think it’s anything to do with her birth month. She excels the most out of my DC and has faced no real issues. I think we place too much emphasis on birth months, it doesn’t affect much ime.

Halebeke425 · 02/03/2018 15:21

My sister and I are both August and July children, I don't think either of us ever noticed anything different to the other children and I was top of the class for literacy and numeracy in primary school despite being the youngest. Children are just different I don't think the nursery feedback has anything to do with her age and six months is quite a long time developmentally for young children. My February born son had similar nursery feedback before starting school, he was absolutely fine once he started. It's easy to overthink these things and question yourself all the time as a parent, just support her as best you can and try to relax, I'm sure she'll be fine Flowers

ForgivenessIsDivine · 02/03/2018 15:42

I know people don't really like to go against the grain but the evidence is clear that there is a disadvantage.

My beautiful charming clever popular August born would have been better off with the year below. He is top of his year in secondary but for sporting opportunities, social connections and the general confidence that being older brings... he would have been better off if he could have deferred..

falsepriest · 02/03/2018 15:44

I'm a late-August baby and other than being sat on my arse on a Friady afternoon typing on MN I've done alright and didn't have any hangups at school. Brother is a March baby, and a total dumbass.

Doubt it makes any difference.

AngelsSins · 02/03/2018 16:08

Hi OP, I was born on the 31st August, one day later and I would have been in the year below. My mum used to say that she wished she had held me back a year, but I have no such wish! I struggled in some areas of school, but more due to being dyslexic than anything else, and there was no help for that back then.

I now have a pretty good job, am very happy and the sibling my mum probably worries least about! Being young in your year doesn't equal failure.

Mishappening · 02/03/2018 16:11

There is no legal obligation for her to be in school, as others have pointed out, and, if you have any doubts about it, then do not send her till next year. She has got the rest of her life to learn stuff and she will do much better if she is ready and confident for it. There really is no rush.

tinyme77 · 02/03/2018 16:16

I have a summer baby. As long as they are out of nappies and can hold a knife and fork they'll be ok. You should get a home visit from the teacher and you can discuss your concerns then. I think that socially it is easier to join with all the others.

HonkyWonkWoman · 02/03/2018 16:20

Hi OP, Dgd's twins born 30th August and started school that September.
They were tiny anyway and quiet and not very sociable, they made "best friends" with the two oldest girls in the class.

They were middle of the class, which we were pleased with all through until Senior school where they absolutely blossomed and obtained good GCSE's.
Sixth Form college got A and A* and are both now in second year at Newcastle doing Chemistry and Biology on line for Firsts.
My daughter was worried just like you but they have managed fine.
They do seem to catch up!

Liz38 · 02/03/2018 16:28

My DNiece is a late August baby who started school at 4 and about 4 days. She has thrived and done very well. It is noticeable that although both brought and hard working she is behind the autumn birthday kids but she's still top set so it's not done her any harm!

If when it gets closer you feel that your DD will struggle with the long days etc you can requesta longer settling in process. I know someone who's child went home at lunchtime every day till after Easter because they were still napping at lunchtime. I'd give it some time, see what you think she will need and then talk to school and see what flex they can offer you to help her settle.

UrbaneSprawl · 02/03/2018 16:32

July-born DS here too. Started in school nursery at 3-and-a-bit, reception at 4-and-a-bit. No regrets - he thrived on the richer environment than would have been provided in his day nursery and the wider range of kids in his class.

The thing is, it becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have sympathy for the staff, who have 30 of the little blighters to get to know, but it does feel as if when he can do something it’s against all the odds and when he doesn’t meet up to the expected standard it must be because he’s a summer birthday, rather than because eveyone has strengths and weaknesses.

When you’re born doesn’t determine every aspect of your character. But then I’m an Aqaurius and we’re naturally sceptical.

dingdongdigeridoo · 02/03/2018 16:35

Try not to worry. Reception teachers are great at getting kids settled in, and will have dealt with plenty of 4 year olds. I'm a summer baby too and can't say it affected me that much in school, other than my birthday always falling on exams.

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 02/03/2018 16:41

I think the worst thing you could do if you are concerned is start Reception in Summer term - the child has to join an established, settled class and only has a term to settle in to school before having to join KS1, where much more is expected of them. Not all LAs will let you join reception at age 5;if they start only just turned 4 they have a whole year to settle. I know the EYFS curriculum is the same as nursery/preschool, but the school environment is very different.

twinklesunshine · 02/03/2018 16:42

My little boy is a summer baby, beginning of August and is now in year 2.

I didn’t defer and decided to start him as normal. He was a young 4 year old I would say. He did struggle a bit when he started and wasn’t allowed to do full days like everyone else as he just wasn’t able to, got too tired and irritable. That upset me as he was the only one.

After the Christmas holidays he was flying, absolutely fine and hasn’t looked back since. He has a lovely group of friends and is very settled.

With regards to school work it was tough in the beginning. He’s been behind but I haven’t been worried about it. I read somewhere before he started that that may be the case right though infants so I wasn’t concerned. I do what I am asked to with him at home but nothing more, and keep in touch with the school. He hasn’t needed any extra support but I wouldn’t mind if he did as I want him to do as well as possible.

He now in year 2 is a really good reader and his work is fine. They’ve said that they will keep me updated if he needs anything extra. It just took him a while to get going I think.

I would do the same again, please try not to worry xx