NDN and snow and disability

[ciele]

I'm quite severely disabled as my NDN knows.
It has taken me 45 minutes and excruciating pain
Aibu to have expected some help to clear my path?

MS sufferer here. Have lived in Russia. Had a severely physically disabled pal there. Don't clear the snow- it makes it worse. Salt down if you can.
You get best purchase under foot in fresh snow.
I would always check a less able bodied neighbour was ok but at their level of wish for help iyswim.

Not everyone young is “able bodied” you know. I have a moderate physical disability and would not be able to clear snow myself as i would simply fall. However I would not expect others to help me, particularly if I hadn’t asked them to.

I hope you’re just having a bad day because otherwise your attitude speaks volumes as to why no one has offered help

I’m disabled and in severe pain. I couldn’t even lift one shovelful of snow let alone clear a whole path. DH would go absolutely mad at me if I even tried and I wouldn’t expect my NDN to do it for me either.

Your attitude is terrible. Last week you were moaning your adult daughters have an entitled attitude. I can’t for the life of me see where they’ve got that from!

Perhaps the very fact that you have been out shovelling snow from your path sends the message to your neighbour that you are quite capable of things yourself.

...or get your adult daughters to shovel it. Sounds like they need a bit of grounding.

I couldn't clear a path of snow from my wheelchair and would not expect anyone else to do it for me. I do know several people who would if I asked them, but I really try to be independent and it frequently lands me in bed for a few days unable to move! But I do things for them that I CAN do so it works both ways! YABU

I wouldn't have helped either tbh op.

I don't bother clearing my own path as it seems pointless...a couple of days and it will be gone anyway...so there's no way I'd be offering to do yours. It's your choice to do so so crack on.

You could ask, I would ask if I had neighbour who was disabled and may need help.
The problem is that some people are afraid to ask. I was told to f**k off by a disabled lady who was quite clearly struggling.
So

Last week I ‘moaned’ that my adult daughter was behaving entitledly because she didn’t offer, immediately, to give up her chair for an old lady.
I didn’t like her reluctance.
It’s no big deal because she did it but is obviously part of a generation that does not see how helping people with small things mean a lot.
All this vitriol just because I asked a simple question: should my neighbour have cleared my path (when he cleared his own, was at home all day, is able bodied, happy for me to take in his parcels, socialise with us- yes-socialise with me!).

I don't think we're the ones with the vitriol here.

I was shovelling snow a few weeks ago. I spent days doing it. I made the area outside my house and my disabled neighbours was entirely snow free. Like it had not snowed on our paths and pavement at all. I did my part. I dug out cars, I shovelled and gritted the road and I even pushed stuck cars. But if anyone had expected me to? Fuck No! A disabled lady called me over and asked if I could help her and I happily did. It took over half an hour to dig her car out. Had she been demanding like OP seems to be I would have been pissed off and might even have said my back was too sore (it was killing me anyway after 3 days of snow shovelling!)

It's the attitude you have that determines whether you get help.

I think it's funny how your neighbours should have been able to read your mind and clear your path for you, but you have given no though whatsoever to several things pointed out to you, namely:

• they may not have noticed you
• they may have noticed you and thought you were happy doing it yourself
• they may have been engaged otherwise
• they may have had their own stuff to deal with
• they may have thought they would actually help you, but at a time convenient to them, which was then made unnecessary cause you did it yourself

etc. etc. etc.

And in the end, if you cannot be arsed to ask neighbours that you're apparently friendly with for a hand, you can't be that blooming friendly with them.

YABU why should you expect neighbours to automatically do things for you? Ask if you need assistance, although if you're as nasty in real life as you are on here then I'd be reluctant to help.

The decision to clear a path is a very personal thing. If my neighbour rocked up with a shovel to clear my path I would say, no thanks. Remember, it's March tomorrow - this cold snap will go. It's not the bleak midwinter.

You have and adult daughter at home!?
Why didn't you ask her instead of expecting your neighbor to be a mind reader?

Having and expressing an opinion in a forum where such intercourse is encouraged isn't the same as vitriol (see also - Trolling, Bullying etc)

I'm curious about the daughter too. Was she there? If not, why didn't she clear the path before she left to go wherever she was heading off to?

Did it snow again in the night, OP?

Best get cracking on the Vulcan Mind-Meld with your neighbours so they know what jobs you're expecting them to do for you.

I don't understand why you are still clearly angry that your NDN didn't clear your walk, but haven't responded to a single inquiry asking why your own adult DD didn't do it for you.

I wouldn't automatically clear someone's path for them, not even if they were a lovely little old lady who made me cakes, knitted and loved animals. I'd offer if I thought they might appreciate it at that particular time (i.e. I wouldn't if they'd said they weren't venturing out till the snow had gone) & had no-one to do it for them, and if I saw them outside I'd probably go straight outside and offer to grab the shovel off them (gently). But I wouldn't wait by the window for the opportunity, and I wouldn't be too keen if they had an able-bodied adult living there who was too lazy to help out in the first place. And I'd be decidedly unimpressed if they expected me to do it.
If you have no other way it's okay to ask someone if they could help, giving them ample opportunity to refuse. It's never okay to assume or expect.

All this vitriol just because I asked a simple question

We aren't the ones displaying vitriol. You also didn't ask a simple question, your angry posts sought to attack your neighbour for not doing something that 95% of the other posters on here don't think they should do. But it's like you're blind to all these comments.

I think the issue is OP that most of the time people have their own stuff going on and, even if it would be a nice thing to do, don't think to help others with theirs. The same way you were thinking about your issue with your path and didn't consider whether your neighbour currently has any particular issues he could maybe need help with. This isn't people doing something wrong, it's just that no-one has enough time or headspace to try and envisage and preempt every issue that everyone around them might have, be that parents, friends, children, colleagues, neighbours.

In this instance, you in your own head wanted help with your path and despite not communicating this to him, were suprised he didn't help. But consider you had decided you wanted to go shopping but because it was slippy and your husband away, it was actually this issue you wanted help with. Unless he KNOWS what you want help with, how can you expect him to help.

Maybe in future, if you need help, just ask for it. I'm sure, if you've got a good relationship he'd be happy to help you out. Expecting others to anticipate the second we need help despite them not possibly having any knowledge that we help is needed is unrealistic, a bit unfair and setting yourself up for a fall.

Sorry for the essay!

I phoned my NDN as she is elderly and unwell this morning. I just wanted to check she was ok and did she need anything. Her family visit most days but are out during the day. I'll be damned if I would clear her path though and she would never ask me too. I don't see clearing a path as a priority tbh.

Sunny character aren't you.

OP, maybe it’s just the way you come across on here because you use it to vent. But you come across as being really negative and critical of other people.

That’s a really destructive way to be, it eats you up and will make you lonely. Nobody wants to be around someone who is critical all the time.