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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try and stop DP getting a tattoo?

150 replies

LittleMe03 · 27/02/2018 10:15

DP has decided he wants a tattoo on his neck. He already has two full arms done and tattoos on both legs and one on his back. He has got all these tattoos done in the last 10 years that we have been together.

I am not a big fan of tattoos but always had the attitude that it was his body and his choice, and also they can be covered.

Last night he told me he wants one on his neck and when showing me the size and design he wants I was shocked, it covers almost one side of his neck. I told him I was really against it and begged him not to do it and he said i was BU for going back on what I've said previously about his body, his choice.

I like the fact that all his tattoos can be covered at the moment. The job he is in doesn't appear to have any sort of policy on tattoos but he is asked to wear long sleeve shirts to work.

AIBU, should I just leave him to do it or keep nagging?Grin

OP posts:
APontypandyPioneer · 27/02/2018 10:17

You can have a view and share your view with him but YABU if you think you should somehow stop him. His body his choice.

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 27/02/2018 10:18

I'd be concerned that he has a job where they ask him to wear long sleeves to cover his tattoos; does he really think they'll be okay with a neck tattoo?

And I say this as someone with numerous large tattoos who loves them.

SadMalignantTwat · 27/02/2018 10:18

If he’s got a decent tattooist they’ll ask questions before doing a job stopper (tattoos on the neck/face/hands). But ultimately, it’s his body; if he’s confident it won’t affect him at work it’s his choice. He should probably check with work first to make sure he won’t run into problems there though.

ToastyFingers · 27/02/2018 10:18

I came on to say 'his body, his choice' but I wouldn't support the decision to have a neck tattoo (and I'm heavily tattooed myself.) neck/face and hand tattoos are far when you literally have no other space left imo.

italiancortado · 27/02/2018 10:19

Yes YABU. He is an adult.

ajandjjmum · 27/02/2018 10:19

Of course it's his body and his choice. By the same token, he has to accept that it will make him less attractive to you, and be comfortable with any implications of this.

JaneEyre70 · 27/02/2018 10:26

It sounds awful OP and I would be very angry if he went ahead knowing that I wasn't on board with it. Yes it's his body but a highly visible tattoo that can't ever be covered is a big deal and something that your partner needs to be OK with.

FissionChips · 27/02/2018 10:29

He’s not getting “NAN” tattooed on is he?

PositivelyPERF · 27/02/2018 10:30

I am the middle aged tattooed woman and was coming on to tell you it wasn’t your right to tell him what to do. However, people still judge people with tattoos and getting such a visible one is just daft. He WILL be judged on it and depending on his work it can affect his career and if self employed, might affect his customer base.

ohfortuna · 27/02/2018 10:36

I doubt that anything you say will make any difference but obviously he doesn't get to tell you what to do with your body either

FizzyGreenWater · 27/02/2018 10:36

he said i was BU for going back on what I've said previously about his body, his choice.

No, I don't think that holds when it comes to visible tattoos. It's not just about his body his choice. A visible tattoo will limit his job choices. So basically he is saying, quite possibly, that at some point in the future your family finances might end up affected by his choice now - not just his body. You didn't sign up to that. Secondly - you don't really like the tats, but you've compromised so far. It would be nice to think that he too could compromise to the extent that he didn't choose to get a tat which you would be forced to look at every time you looked at his face. That is also very different to 'my body. my choice'.

This would really make me reassess the relationship, because if he can't see that this step really does affect you far more, then he's a. a bit dense, b. quite selfish.

And I like tats. However, I don't have a lot of time for people who go so overboard about them that it seems like their whole identity is tied up in them - what the tats represent is seemingly more important than any other aspect of their lives. I would not have a lot of respect for that- it seems very childish. I'd much rather be with a tat lover who, at the end of the day, was grown-up enough to know that they're just decoration, and that the people in your life are far more important.

I say all this on the back of OP being a person who doesn't like tats but has so far been similarly grown-up enough to say, it's his body, his choice. It would be nice now for her DP to meet her in the middle - if he won't, I think that says a lot about him.

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/02/2018 10:36

Thank you for opinions. It seems most feel I am BU.

I think I will tell him that it is his decision but I would appreciate that he checks first with his boss that it won't in anyway cause a problem for him at work.

I am also going to ask him to save the money for it over a few months (he has in the past made the decision to get a tattoo and then booked in and got it done within a couple of weeks which has left us short on money)

OP posts:
ohfortuna · 27/02/2018 10:37

I would be concerned about a job stopping tattoo but I think that in many cases tattoos don't have the job stopping potential that they used to have

Trinity66 · 27/02/2018 10:39

I like tattoos but neck tattoos are gross (sorry anyone who has one)

ohfortuna · 27/02/2018 10:39

But leaving you short of money to get a tattoo..... that's not good is it

PositivelyPERF · 27/02/2018 10:39

HANG ON OP! Most posters do not think you’re being unreasonable! Only three said you were and some of the posters who actually have tattoos agree with YOU.

Outnumbered99 · 27/02/2018 10:40

I don't think YABU I completely agree with ajandjjmum:

Of course it's his body and his choice. By the same token, he has to accept that it will make him less attractive to you, and be comfortable with any implications of this.

(I say this as a tattooed person with a DP that is "meh" at best about them)

Efrig · 27/02/2018 10:41

I’m very pro tattoo, but necks, faces and hands aren’t a good idea and can look unpleasant and unprofessional.

FluffyWuffy100 · 27/02/2018 10:42

Neck tattoo when work make him cover his arm ones?

Doesn't ACTUALLY have enough money to pay for it?

He is totally U.

Like a PP says, you don't like tats, can;t he compromise and get another one somewhere he can cover for work?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/02/2018 10:43

Madness!

Arms /legs to a certain extent are easy to hide...

But neck?? Unless he wants to wear polo necks in July or a lovely surgical collar..

It's not just this employer - it's any future employer....

I like tattoos... But I wouldn't employ anyone with large neck tattoos as I know many people (customers) find them off putting /threatening

pinkyredrose · 27/02/2018 10:43

How can his work not have a policy on tattoos but then ask him to cover them? Confused

Anyway YABU, it's his body.

SadMalignantTwat · 27/02/2018 10:44

I’m very heavily tattooed, and I don’t think you’re unreasonable to worry about it - visible tattoos are a big deal! I’d definitely advise him to check with work, and make sure he knows that he’s always going to be in a job where it’ll be fine, as it could cause problems in future. Asking him to save is totally reasonable too.

If all that is covered, he can make his own decision. Fine for you to ask him to consider whether it’s wise though!

JacquesHammer · 27/02/2018 10:47

I think I will tell him that it is his decision but I would appreciate that he checks first with his boss that it won't in anyway cause a problem for him at work

That is a perfectly reasonable stance as difficulty with work would affect the family. If there are any money issues, asking him to save rather than use family money is reasonable.

If work are fine with it and there is no problem over affording it, then you would be very unreasonable to object to what he does with his body.

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/02/2018 10:47

Sorry if any misunderstanding. DP is asked to wear long sleeve shirts to work as part of his uniform. He has always told me this isn't anything to do with the tattoos and he complains about the long sleeves in summer.

So at work his tattoos are fully covered at the minute

OP posts:
user1490607838 · 27/02/2018 10:48

YANBU. Tattoos all over the neck are minging, and look good on NO-ONE.

(And 'tattoo fans,' don't waste your time posting a pic of a supposedly 'hot' male with neck tattoos - HE may be hot, but the neck tattoos will still be grim.)

Neck and face tattoos close a lot of doors for people. Plus, it looks fucking ugly. I would go batshit if my DH said he was getting one on his neck ... Luckily, he hates tattoos as much as I do.

Maybe say to your partner that you will go with him, and have exactly the same tattoo up your neck, and the side of your face. See how he reacts.

Ask him if he would be happy if YOU did it? I think I can guess what the answer will be... Wink

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