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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try and stop DP getting a tattoo?

150 replies

LittleMe03 · 27/02/2018 10:15

DP has decided he wants a tattoo on his neck. He already has two full arms done and tattoos on both legs and one on his back. He has got all these tattoos done in the last 10 years that we have been together.

I am not a big fan of tattoos but always had the attitude that it was his body and his choice, and also they can be covered.

Last night he told me he wants one on his neck and when showing me the size and design he wants I was shocked, it covers almost one side of his neck. I told him I was really against it and begged him not to do it and he said i was BU for going back on what I've said previously about his body, his choice.

I like the fact that all his tattoos can be covered at the moment. The job he is in doesn't appear to have any sort of policy on tattoos but he is asked to wear long sleeve shirts to work.

AIBU, should I just leave him to do it or keep nagging?Grin

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 11:13

I'm all for " your body your choice " but neck tattoos are horrible. I'd be the same OP and would be urging DH not to have it done.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 27/02/2018 11:15

YANBU

And even if this employer is fine with it, what about the next one?

Grilledaubergines · 27/02/2018 11:21

However, people still judge people with tattoos and getting such a visible one is just daft. He WILL be judged on it and depending on his work it can affect his career and if self employed, might affect his customer base.

I agree with this. I don’t have any and I’m not particularly pro or anti them but in a really obvious place I do think there are implications.

FindoGask · 27/02/2018 11:31

I am heavily tattooed but I wouldn't get anything above neck or on my hands until I don't need to work for a living anymore. However I'm in a professional role and I don't see other people with visible tattoos in my working life. It might be different for your partner but if I were him I'd be thinking carefully about whether I wanted to limit my career options in such a way.

HazelBite · 27/02/2018 11:36

I think that facial and neck tattoos detract from you concentrating on a persons facial expressions, they are very distracting whether you are a fan of them or not, and often when someone has multiple facial piercings and tatoos you completely "miss" what someone is saying to you.
That saying I have yet to see a facial or neck tattoo that I could say was artistic or enhanced a persons face.
I noticed when watching the Brits last week that the Rag n Bone man is now sporting a facial tattoo, whilst I don't think it will affect his job I found it very distracting whilst watching him sing!
My hairdresser had a tattoo removed and was told by the "practitioner" that the most difficult place to remove one from is the neck.

whiteworld · 27/02/2018 11:40

HAve you seen other staff at his work? I think they DO have a tattoo policy and have asked dh to wear long sleeves to cover his up. Based on this, doesn't sound like they'd be happy with a neck tat.

YANBU. I would not be keen either.

Agree with almost everyone else on this - neck tats could affect your h's chances of future jobs. It will be in every photo of him for ever. You'd have to look at it every time you looked at him!

An he is VVVU for using money you don't have to get a tat, and leaving his family short of money/food.

user1490607838 · 27/02/2018 11:55

@FizzyGreenWater

Only if you are willing to let him make you have a tattoo?
If you have rights over his body then he has rights over yours.

Wow, worst analogy of the year award goes to fizzygreenwater

Her making him not have one is in no way the same as him making her have one.

The decision to NOT have a tattoo can be changed at a later date.

The decision to HAVE one is permanent, and cannot be undone. Despite various programmes on tv making tattoo removal look fairly simple; removing tattoos is very difficult, painful, and costly. In addition, it's almost always unsuccessful, and leaves a nasty scar or some of the shading of the tattoo. And on someone's neck, it would look minging.

You need to try harder than that, because that analogy is just stupid.

FizzyGreenWater · 27/02/2018 11:59

user, it wasn't me saying that. It was me quoting it and saying what a shit point it was!!!

FizzyGreenWater · 27/02/2018 12:00

so we are, in fact, of one mind Grin

mummytothree87 · 27/02/2018 12:03

My other half has both sides of his head aswell as his neck tattooed and he works full time dealing with the public. The most common thing he has to deal with is ppl asking if it hurt, people are a lot more.open minded when it comes to tattoos nowadays...although i cant even see them at this point as he has grown his hair out and grown a beard which covers them all Smile

specialsubject · 27/02/2018 12:05

decorative treats are only for those with enough money. How's that six months savings cushion in case of job loss?

And while it may not be fair, he needs to check that this tattoo isn't going to cause job loss.

If you find it unattractive that is your right, as much as having it done is his. Most of us do not want to have sex with people who have deliberately made a change that we find unattractive. Just saying...

user1490607838 · 27/02/2018 12:09

Sorry @fizzygreenwater my mistake!!! Blush

I can see on further inspection that it was @upsideup who said it.

lils888 · 27/02/2018 12:10

@NotSoSprightly DAMN.

I was going to offer to take him but didn't want to appear too anti feminist or anti women or whatevs.

I am putting in my offer to have him if you don't want him. One woman's trash and so on Wink

WineAndTiramisu · 27/02/2018 12:11

Even if his current work are happy, is he definitely staying working there for the rest of his working life...?
He wants to make your family short of money in the short term (given previous behaviour), but also decrease his job prospects in the future.
He's definitely being unreasonable, and I have no problems with tattoos usually.

daisychain01 · 27/02/2018 12:16

I think I will tell him that it is his decision but I would appreciate that he checks first with his boss that it won't in anyway cause a problem for him at work

OP, please don't tell him to check with his boss!! It really isn't up to his boss to make adult decisions for an employee.

Your DP should be old enough to use his common sense as to whether a neck tat will cause issues in his place of work. Nowadays there is less taboo about them, but if he has to meet customers or suppliers and there is anything in his Employee Handbook about visible tattoos needing to be fully covered (maybe under the general dress and appearance code of practice) your DP needs to make that call.

And he needs to think longer term. His boss could leave next week, things change, your DP might need to seek new employment. Could it limit his life chances?

If he's only ever going to work in places where it isn't an issue, then it's up to him, but he ought to at least consider the effect on people in his life, not just himself.

FleurDeLizzie · 27/02/2018 12:23

It would be a deal breaker for me. Neck tattoos are grim. I couldn't be with somebody who has such a lack of judgement.

7even · 27/02/2018 12:40

His body etc... yada yada

but it sounds awful and there's a reason they're called job-stoppers.

He's your DP and I assume there's an element of financial interdependence. Does he have children? He needs to think about them. If he was made redundant tomorrow, would a neck tattoo hinder his chance of finding work? Yes it would and he needs to realise this and move forget it.

Maybe as a compromise he could get a henna tattoo or a big ol' transfer one on holiday?

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/02/2018 13:00

Thank you everyone for your opinions. I read a couple saying I was BU and then believed I possibly was. Grin

After having chance to read all of the replies it's nice to know many understand my problem with it.

I don't have any tattoos and it's not my thing, I've never stopped him getting the ones he has already, it's his choice but has caused an argument before when he spent a large amount of money getting the one on his back that left me and DS short of money too. He promised he wouldn't do this again and didn't realise money was so tight (I deal with all the finances)

It's ultimately his choice, so long as he saves for it and using his money to pay for it, not our joint 'family' account money.

It shouldn't be an issue at work, but as PP have said that's for him to deal with.

I know in my line of work it would not be a good idea to get a tattoo like this (not that I would)

OP posts:
specialsubject · 27/02/2018 13:25

He might want to grow up and keep up with the family finances. He's well screwed if you go under a bus.

heron98 · 27/02/2018 13:39

I see what you mean about it possibly affecting his job prospects although I really think it depends on the industry he's in. In some it really wouldn't matter.

I hate tattoos and would never get one myself but I genuinely think I wouldn't care if my DP wanted to get a neck tattoo. I'd think he was daft but it wouldn't change how I felt about him emotionally or physically.

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/02/2018 13:39

@specialsubject I think him saying he didn't realise about being short on money was rubbish in all honesty. He is far from stupid and well aware of how much roughly our bills are, rent money etc so I would like to think he would step up and deal with it all if he had to.

I hope I don't go under a bus thou Grin

OP posts:
NotSoSprightly · 27/02/2018 16:02

deal breaker for me. Neck tattoos are grim. I couldn't be with somebody who has such a lack of judgement.

I doubt he'd want to be with such an ignoramus, so you're all good Wink

Mia1415 · 27/02/2018 16:22

It's not just his current job he needs to think about, but any future jobs as well. A job isn't for life, but a tattoo is!

IllustriouslyIllogical · 27/02/2018 16:39

Yes YABU. He is an adult.

And with a neck tattoo we'll all be making judgements as to what sort of adult he is.....

amusedbush · 27/02/2018 16:44

I am very heavily tattooed (both legs covered, full chest piece and I'm working on two full sleeves) but a neck/face/hand tattoo is a step too far for me. Unless you are self-employed (and guaranteed to stay that way forever) or actually in the tattoo industry, I think it's a bad idea.

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