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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To bf a 3 year old?

348 replies

fannyanddick · 27/02/2018 00:04

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

OP posts:
speakout · 28/02/2018 21:42

it could potentially become emotionally unhealthy for the child to continue to breastfeed.

Fucking bullshit.

manicmij · 28/02/2018 21:57

No ones business other than yours. There may be a concern in that your daughter is declaring she doesn't want to grow up. Obviously sees bf as a baby need. Think I would be explaining to her that as she grows she can have other foods to replace the milkies. Obviously she gets comfort from bf so there is that too to consider.

ConciseandNice · 28/02/2018 22:00

It's very natural and very normal. I'm breastfeeding my nearly 3 year old and bf my other 4 children to natural weaning. Get on the LLL website and find a local group (or on FB, the local groups are on there), they have meetings for bf toddlers and their mums and it is lovely to sit in a room with other women who 'get it'! Good on you!

BertieBotts · 28/02/2018 22:01

It's not emotionally unhealthy, don't be daft.

lizizdd · 28/02/2018 22:05

Breastfeed as long as you want, it’s your choice. Four out of five of my kids self weaned between 3-4 years old and it wasn’t a problem. My fourth baby was forced to give up at almost 3 years as by this point I had returned to work as a RMN and was bitten by someone with AIDS who was desperately ill. This was in 2006 and I was given antiviral meds and had to give up immediately. Both me and my son were heartbroken, but we received many comments from friends and family alike about how it must be a relief to give up and how they thought I fed my kids too long anyway but didn’t really want to say anything as they believed I wouldn’t have taken any notice anyway. They were right! My children are perfectly healthy and I don’t regret for one second extended breastfeeding.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/02/2018 22:11

*I was always told that when they're old enough to ask for it, then it's time to stop.

The advice is meant in a light hearted way ofc, but also intended as a gentle reminder that when they're no longer a baby but rather a little person then it could potentially become emotionally unhealthy for the child to continue to breastfeed.*

Lol! Mine can ask for it in writing! Poor lad - obviously no hope for him emotionally. Although I would be interested in an explanation as to why it is emotionally unhealthy to let him have something that he wants and really enjoys, is nutritionally good for him, gives him a chance to calm down after a busy, fun packed, day, allows him and me to have a nice cuddle and doesn’t involve a —bloody— screen?

bobstersmum · 28/02/2018 22:13

I fed my son till he was 3 and 3 months and then stopped because dd was born basically, it was a good excuse to stop if you will, he was very good about it as well, because he knew the baby needed the milk. He wouldn't stop before that, although when he turned three it was only bedtime feed.
I didn't go around telling everyone, but family knew. I wouldn't feed him in public once he got much over 2 because, well he could have food and a normal drink! But any family that made any negative comments (or anyone else for that matter) got told to mind their own bloody business.
For the record I am not planning on feeding this baby that long. I think until she's 2. But will assess as we go along.

puglife15 · 28/02/2018 22:14

I think the stats of only 0.5% still feeding at 12m are skewed because it wasn't a big enough data pool, people in certain demographics like mine (older than average middle class mums) massively overindex for this in my experience and possibly weren't represented properly? Of all the mums of circa 2 year olds I know I would say roughly half are still breastfeeding, and I'm not "crunchy".

Whenwillitstop1 · 28/02/2018 22:14

I wish I could have fed my child longer, if he could have latched I would have. However that being said still breastfeeding at 3,4,5,6? It's a bit weird and honestly continuing at that age is for the mum's benefit, not the child's.

speakout · 28/02/2018 22:19

It's a bit weird and honestly continuing at that age is for the mum's benefit, not the child's.

Yawn.

CountFosco · 28/02/2018 22:23

continuing at that age is for the mum's benefit, not the child's

I'm assuming you're referring to the reduced risk of breast cancer associated with extended BFing Smile?

In my case I BF DS until just before his 4th birthday because he had CMPA. He grew out of his allergy around the same time and can now have dairy (he still thinks cheese is the work of the devil but that's another story). It was the best way of providing him with a natural source of dairy. Is that acceptably selfless?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/02/2018 22:26

It's a bit weird and honestly continuing at that age is for the mum's benefit, not the child's.

sigh

It really isn’t. I wanted to stop a year or so ago. He didn’t so we are carrying on. (Although we have finally agreed a stop date.) I’m a bit bored of it, I want to be able to drink and eat what I like without having to think about the impact on ds, it isn’t great for your teeth (had more fillings since I started this baby lark than I had in 30years before that) and I keep having to remake our bed as sitting in bed doing it endlessly pulls the sheet off the mattress.

Really not doing it for me.

speakout · 28/02/2018 22:28

CountFosco apparently.

At best we are overbearing mothers who can't bear to have our children grow up, at worst we are some sexual deviants who get a thrill out of breastfeeding toddlers.

Either way we have a problem.

starlightafar · 28/02/2018 22:29

I didn't with my youngest, stopped at a year as had little kids everywhere and no time. And yes, if you need to get up and around after little people, a bottle is easier imo.
My last baby was where I really clicked with breastfeeding. Loved it. Unfortunately I had postnatal psychosis and was made to stop after starting some antipsychotics and mood stabilisers and I was gutted. I put it off but would have lost the kids had I not taken them.
He is 2 and I would still be feeding him now. I would have probably carried on till nursery.

Gaaahhh · 28/02/2018 22:39

Sorry - I probably speak for the (slight?) majority in thinking it's weird and bit gross. My thoughts are that I wouldn't want my child to be old enough to remember sucking my breast, so anything past two is a bit odd on that front. But I also still feel uncomfortable when anyone Bfs after about 12-18 months. Don't know why, no reason, and would never say anything, but I suspect I may feel the same as many others, and that's why so many PPs have said they kept it quiet. But each to their own, if you're happy then stuff other people. I think a lot of other cultures do so routinely and it's presumably a healthy option, so enjoy Grin

Whenwillitstop1 · 28/02/2018 22:45

Oh dear speakout. I see I have touched a nerve. I never said I thought anyone was a sexual deviant, how silly. What I actually think is that in some cases mothers see it as a way of bonding and are unwilling to give up that closeness so continue longer than is actually necessary.

speakout · 28/02/2018 22:49

Whenwillitstop1 so good to hear such words of wisdom.

No raw nerve btw. Just many years experience in working with bfeeding women.

Garmadonsmum · 28/02/2018 22:50

Yes as soon as my dcs were able to ask for a cuddle I stopped giving them one, as I was worried they were getting a bit too dependent.

toddlermom · 28/02/2018 22:54

We did it until DD was 3, Husband wasn’t a fan but like you was once a day and gave her so much comfort and antibodies that I was happy to carry on as long as she wanted

DoodlesDee · 28/02/2018 23:00

WinkConfused

BertieBotts · 28/02/2018 23:24

I just always saw it like this.

Continuing to breastfeed was simply a continuing of the status quo. I was not making any changes, apart from of course introducing solid food at about six months and drinks a bit after that, and I probably tended to expect more waiting when he got older if it wasn't immediately convenient to feed, which I wouldn't have done when he was tiny. Due to this or just age in general, the amount of feeds was naturally dwindling down - it wasn't obstructive to anything.

It was not as though we woke up on his first birthday and I said "I know! I'm going to continue to breastfeed." It just wasn't an active thing like that - in fact, quite the opposite. It would have been a conscious, active choice for me to initiate weaning and stop. Now, I don't know about anyone else's parenting, but for me, I quite like an "if it aint broke, don't fix it" mindset. Meaning that if I'm going to actively put effort in to change something, I need a fairly good reason to do so.

Introducing solids had a good reason - at about that age they start to need more nutrition and texture than milk for their growth and speech development. Introducing drinks was a convenience thing - I didn't always want to get a boob out in public when he was a bit thirsty. Potty training was useful in order to get rid of awful nappies. Etc etc - everything had a purpose. But I never really came up against a compelling reason to wean from breastfeeding. If I'd had enough, then I probably would have done, but I never got that fed up with it. The idea that other people find it a bit weird was never really very strong of a motivation. I have never been able to find any actual proof that it's harmful, unlike, say, using bottles for too long - which I would have weaned from much earlier, if he'd been using regularly. I wasn't particularly worried that he would do it forever, because I'd heard that children tend to stop when their milk teeth fall out, although usually a few years before.

BertieBotts · 28/02/2018 23:27

It is not necessary to breastfeed at all. So saying it's not necessary past a certain age is a silly argument. It is not necessary to play sports with children, either, but nobody would argue that it's bad for them just because it's unnecessary. I don't like sports. So I don't.

RockafellerSkank · 28/02/2018 23:33

I'm still nursing my 2.10 yo who shows no signs of slowing down. She demands it wherever, so I'm out and proud. No one has ever batted an eyelid - not to my knowing, anyway. Carry on and normalise it, I say.

Yellowshadeofgreen · 28/02/2018 23:40

I am going to add another yes, do it if it suits.

I only bf one of my 3 kids. I had all sorts of notions about bf before I did it. They came from a place of ignorance. I think you have to remember that with such low bf rates that is where the vast majority of negativity around bf will come from.

SomethingOnce · 28/02/2018 23:45

Lol! Mine can ask for it in writing!

Brilliant! Smile

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