To bf a 3 year old?

[fannyanddick]

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

I carried on BFing DD until a few days after her 4th birthday. It was only once a day in the evening by this point and was totally a comfort thing for her. No one outside of immediate family living in the house (DH and older DC) knew about it, as I felt embarrassed to admit it and anyway, it's not the sort of thing that crops up in conversation. I fully agree with PPs who said that you may well know people who have done extended BFing in real life but might not realise.

I never intended to carry on for so long but she didn't want to stop. In the end, the impetus came from me in the lead up to her 4th birthday " Now that you're a big girl and starting school soon, this is going to stop but we can still have cuddles every night" etc. She's asked for it a few times since but accepted no quite readily as I'd prepared her for it.

Only someone who has NO idea what it is like to feed a toddler would say shit like it's more for the mother than the child.

It's about a lot more than just "milk" too, again as almost anyone who'd fed a toddler would know. Comfort, pain relief, closeness, plus benefits like lowered breast cancer rates for the mother.

To answer the op, before I had kids I thought it was a bit weird, and I don't tell anyone I'm still feeding my son and try not to feed him in public because I know a lot of people including friends are really judgemental about it.

Fair enough chair. I'm just thinking hypothetically I guess and also of one Mum who said to me that her dd did this when they were out and about. She didn't say if she was ok with it or not, but I personally didn't like.

I bf my d's until 8 months and it worked for us to stop then as he was in nursery. With both of mine I've found my supply dwindled when they had other food introduced (my dd had to have prescription high calorie formula becuase of a heart condition so stopped bf at 3 months) but appreciate that everyone is different.

When I bf I did it anywhere and everywhere so I'm certainly not in the "put em away" camp. They're only boobs anyway!

I haven't RTFT - I read a fair few comments and got fed up of reading the negativity so just thought I'd skip to the end and add my experience.

I'm still breastfeeding my DD who is almost 2 years and 5 months; she feeds first thing in the morning, to settle her for a nap after lunch at home and just before bed. She sometimes asks when I get out of the shower but I tell her no that it's for when we're sleepy. I don't make a big thing of it within my friendship group because although some did breastfeed, none have as long as o have and it's hard for people to understand when they are not experiencing it themselves. Like a PP said, she's feeding an infant under a year but can't imagine feeding an older child - I don't think a lot of people can and it's not something I actively planned and made sure I did, it's just how things are going for us.

I don't feed DD in public really anymore - I think the last time I did, it was around nap time but we were in the cinema (virtually the only ones there) and she was being restless.

As for the cows milk thing. Obviously, human milk is made for humans and so more suitable than cows milk (I don't know why people argue with this logic) but my Dd has cows milk on her cereal etc and it's not a big deal that she still has breast milk.

I'm still BFing my 20 month old. Mostly at bedtime and if/when he wakes in the night. He will, when tired, climb into my lap and pull at my clothes, and my husband has said that sometimes he gets into our bed and lifts my top up while I sleep straight through it!

He will only feed on the left one too, which makes me somewhat lopsided, but that's ok, they've never matched anyway.

I rarely do it out and about these days, unless he hurts himself or is particularly tired or upset. He is easy to soothe without the boob, by me or anyone else. He is looked after 3 days a week by grandparents and has never tugged at their tops, so knows that it's me and only me that provides that particular comfort!

If I'm out, he will take a bottle of cows milk at bedtime, although not very much, but will usually go off to sleep as happy as Larry.

I will stop when he stops. I don't do it for me, although I have to admit I do like the downtime it gives me - feeding him for half an hour at bedtime gives me half an hour to read/rest or whatever, and to appreciate cuddles with my little boy. He is soooo cuddly, and I am too busy so much of the time, that yes, that part of it is for me. But I wouldn't keep it going just for that - I don't even know if that is possible, can you force them to keep going when they are self-weaning?

My eldest DS (5) was only breastfed for a month, because he was a very hungry baby and I couldn't keep up with demand! We combination fed for a bit but I was happy to give it up around 6 weeks.

If it works for you, great. If not, great! There's no rule, do whatever feels best.

Longer term breastfeeding used to be a far more common norm (still in in some cultures such as Mongolia)

One of the few people I could talk to about my efforts, over many weeks, to persuade DS to give up the boob, after he was three, was a female colleague from Nigeria. She found me something of an oddity (not in a bad way) as she didn’t think white women went in for longer term breastfeeding. I had the impression that it wasn’t at all unusual, possibly the norm, within her circles. No idea if that’s representative of the country as a whole, though.

@blackteasplease

I have not fed DD2 on demand since she turned 2. The WHO guidelines are on demand until 2 years. She was night weaned at that point and now, at 3 and half, she only feeds if it suits us both. My supply is now so robust that she can stay with Gran for 3 nights and I don't feel engorged and I don't need to express.

IMO, this is best part of breastfeeding.

That's great star. Glad it's working out so well

Of course it's up to you and DC! Personally I couldn't stand breastfeeding and so weaned DS on his second birthday, he wasn't best pleased but I felt I had done all I could. It's ben two months andhe still asks occasionally. I feel bad but needed to do it for my own sanity!

@scoobydooagain extended breastfeeding is not more common than you thought. Only 0.5% are breastfeeding by 12 months. Which in an average year is around 3,000. Assuming this then rapidly drops off then the amount of people breastfeeding at 3,4 or even later is tiny. They just all seem to be on this thread!

I breastfed for a year and loved it. I find it icky to think of breastfeeding her now she’s 3. Whilst people can clearly do what they want, the fact that so many people find it unnerving, and only tiny amount do it, probably links to there being a valid psychological/ evolutionary reason to feel this way.

The poster who said her 8 year old ‘cuddles her breasts’ - that’s a bit odd isn’t it?

Or twistin strong social factors (see previous posters' views on the societal reasons folk feel boobs should be used for something other than nourishing or comforting a child) given if it were evolutionary it would be consistent between cultures whereas in many cultures weaning at 6 Months is considered very early.

Twist - no it’s natural TO feed not not to feed! Social pressures yes mean many people stop early but nature expects us to feed for a long time (why else would we produce milk for years) and the who recommends until at least 2 years old.
It IS more common than you think - even my closest friends wouldn’t know I was still feeding my dd - just because it doesn’t come up and I don’t mention it. It’s not ‘icky’ at all - each mum should do exactly what feels right for her and her child. There’s nothing more powerful and beautiful than yhat.

I breastfed for a year and loved it. I find it icky to think of breastfeeding her now she’s 3.

Again this makes some sense from an evolutionary perspective. The concept of slightly pushing the older toddler away to make room for a younger sibling is common across many cultures. Many women also find they have a strong aversion to bf when newly pregnant.

Of course not all do and it’s not universal.

There’s a very good book called ‘cherubs chattels and changelings’ which details child rearing practices in societies across the globe. It’s a very interesting read and blows apart the idea there’s any ‘one, evolutionarily correct’ way to raise kids.

rainbowsandflowers where’s the evidence to show extended breastfeeding is more natural than stopping earlier?

I’m still feeding ds - he is 4.9. Once a day - at bedtime. We have agreed that he is stopping the day after his 5th birthday.

I had no intention of keeping on feeding this long but it is very important to him and I don’t dislike it enough to force a stop.

He is also a bit difficult food wise (he won’t even eat bloody sweets!) and so feeding him is a way of ensuring he gets some calcium.

I agree that there are a lot more of us around than you think - we just don’t tell people! I’m on a FB group for breastfeeding for my city - every now and then we do a “who’s still going” post - there is quite a few!

I fed my daughter until two months after her fourth birthday. Like you she was down to once a day.

It is biologically normal for human children to wean between two and seven, when their adult teeth come in.

No one finds it weird to give children cows milk at that age, the milk of another species.

If people say she’s too old then ask them about the milk in their tea or their latte. Are they too old for that.

Keep calm and carry on.

I fed DD until she was 3.5 but only OH and my best friends knew. The last time she fed in public was somewhere around 18 months. It's nothing to do with anyone else anyway!

I do and I don’t care what other people think, saying that never had any negative reactions when feeding in public. WHO recommends feeding until at least 2. My DD still gets loads of comfort from nursing.

Twistinthenightaway

rainbowsandflowers where’s the evidence to show extended breastfeeding is more natural than stopping earlier?

because natural term breastfeeding follows the child's cues?
i dont know but it seems obvious to me why leaving something to run its natural course is more natural than stopping it earlier...
i never intended on bf my DD for 5yrs but she needed it for that time and i didnt want to force her to stop before she was ready for it.
i mean come on nowadays we leave kids in nappies till 3-4yrs old (a different topic i know) but they should stop bf at 6months/12months? it doesnt make sense to me.

Probably. I breastfed until 2 and a half but was careful not to tell people. Looking back, it probably was a bit weird. I was worried DC would be upset. However, it was actually quite easy to stop. I think I was probably doing it for me.

I breastfeed my boy and he will be 5 in May. Do what works for you.

Totally ok. Our DS nearly 5 still BF and happy. Aren’t the WHO guidelines in favour of “EBF”?

If someone told
Me they still breastfed their child when they were 3 I would think that’s amazing- for both of you. Only stop when one of you feels ready- once it’s stopped that’s it ...

Oblada - nappies at 4? Do we? I never knew kids in nappies at 4 unless they had a medical issue. Although I suppose- some lazy parenting nowadays would mean some kids are.