To bf a 3 year old?

[fannyanddick]

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

I’ll be completely honest.. pre children I thought breastfeeding a 2 year old was weird enough never mind older. I knew of someone feeding a 4 year old and thought was the most crazy thing i’d ever heard.

I thought everyone fed until 1.

Mine is approaching 2 and bar me getting pregnant and him self weaning for that reason I don’t see him stopping for a long time as we’re on many feeds a day still. I obviously don’t feel extended breastfeeding is weird anymore although I don’t count mine as extended yet really because it seems crazy young to force him to stop.

Actually I know a lot of people now and NOT just through breastfeeding groups still feeding at a similar age to me and now I think I was just incredibly naive and a lot more people are doing it than we realise. I also now of course realise it’s the best thing for my child and to stop would be pretty traumatic for him and also would be denying him the best thing for him.

I couldn't imagine breastfeeding any of my kids until that age. But simply because it really wouldn't work for me. It's not my bag.

But it's your bag and that's all that matters. If it ain't broke (and it's working for you both) no need to fix it.

Nursing is a wonderful thing. I’m still breastfeeding my 3 year old. And not a single person knows except me and her. She has 1 feed per day, just before bed and says she loves it.
She’s so content and confident I’m glad I’ve done it. Friends and family were getting on my nerves actually they kept asking me when she was 6 months old when I’m going to stop, asking again at 9 Months then again at 1 year etc. I felt hounded if I’m honest. I told them all I’d stopped at 2 years even my own mother. But 3 years and 3 Months later we are still going. I’m happy and she’s happy, I haven’t decided when the giving up point is but she may decide to give up herself anyway.
In my opinion breastfeeding is a wonderful & natural thing to do. It’s a very personal thing I agree.

YANBU to bf a 3 year old.

It may be wise to choose who you tell.

cherish123

Oblada - nappies at 4? Do we? I never knew kids in nappies at 4 unless they had a medical issue. Although I suppose- some lazy parenting nowadays would mean some kids are.

i dont know maybe i am exaggerating but you get my point (maybe). instead we could stop nappies around 12months easily like my grandma did and my mother in law (in india).
my point is that it is much more natural to let a child bf until they are ready to self-wean. why force the issue? it is natural to follow their pace and their cues. it is not necessary but it is natural and if it can be done how can it be anything but beneficial for the child?

More power to you, and of course it's nobody's business. If you and your LO are happy don't let anyone else's views worry you. But your DH is right that some people will not get it, and if you don't want to be full time activists for extended feeding, or defined by this one choice, then you can just keep it to yourselves. And if he feels that way but you want to be open about it he can shrug his shoulders and say it's up to you.

It's your businessand yours alone, so don't let yourself being intimdated, , but I think at age 3 you maybe should tell your baby that bf is something that one way or another will end, someday? Does your baby attend daycare or something similar? Maybe experiencing that other childten not always get BF, or that there are diffenent times in a little-one's life to stop BF would help?

It is really amazing to hear the child's expression of their feelings about breastfeeding, by 3 they can tell you a lot about what it must have meant to them all along.

I fed DD until 3, was pleased to stop and thought, well we could have finished that a lot earlier with no problem but it was what it was. With DS I thought I would keep going until 2 and then stop. It didn't quite work out that way....

Fortunately it did eventually come to a natural end just before 4! Absolutely not my plan A but I have no regrets.

I'm sure you know or someone else will have suggested some strategies for making your daughter occasionally wait a bit or manage without because "oh dear there isn't any milk, I'd better just have a drink of water to see if that helps"

Good luck and do connect with LLL or something

My DD would sometimes tell me what my breastmilk tasted like.

My favourite was " jewels" and "tastes like mummy love".

Its fine OP, no-ones business - I only managed bf until babies were around 4 months, I would have done much longer if I could, well done you

I bf until dd was 18 months but that was primarily because she had a dairy allergy and hated bottles.

As almost all pp have said, you do what is right for you but there's no escaping that extended bf does feel a bit hard for some people to get their head around. I find it difficult to think about at that age even though I advocate bf generally. They seem like little independent people at 3 and bf doesn't go with that, in my opinion.

This always makes me think.

I've got a 2.5 year old, and although I don't breastfeed him, I could easily imagine doing so still, probably only at night before bed.

I see nothing whatsoever with breastfeeding a toddler, I mean you'd give them a drink of cows milk, they need milk, so what could possibly be wrong with it.

Yet somehow, between the age of 3 and 4 it gets a bit too old for my comfort zone. I don't know why, but when people talk about breastfeeding a 4 or 5 year old, well I'd find that odd.

Probably because to me they've transitioned from baby/toddler to child. You breastfeed a baby/toddler, a child drinks from a cup.

So my opinion, fwiw, is that 3 is fine, but I'd be thinking about stopping soon.

It's absolutely fine mine all chose when to stop and one was three and a half. Other people can think what they like, it's between the two of you. I wouldn't hide it either.

A friend of mine breastfed her youngest til he was 5 and a half, including the occasional feed in the playground before school. It got her some odd comments and looks from time to time but she always said how much she enjoyed it and wouldn't stop til he was ready to. I don't think i'd have been willing to go on that long but if it's working for you and your DD, it's nobody else's business.

Just to add clarity to the ‘does it benefit the child’ debate. Within this link is the W.H.O. research conclusions.
www.skepticalob.com/2013/05/world-health-organization-no-long-term-benefits-to-breastfeeding.html

I bf DS at bedtime until he was well past 4. He still remembers it and talks about it so fondly - apparently it was 'nicer than chocolate milkshake'. It worked for us and it was none of anyone else's business!

mikkle I got an absolute roasting on a recent bf thread for pointing that out. It was a massive, flaming pile on of outrage. I was accused of having serious mental issues 😂

I’m all for bf - like I said I did it for 18m, and I’m very much of the opinion that each Mum/baby pair does what is best for them. But ye gods if you say that the long term benefits of BF are minimal and only seen at a population level you will need your asbestos cardi ....

I breastfed my son till he was four. My intention was for him to decide when to stop. In the end I was able to talk to him about it and stopping was easy on him and my body, there was no leaking or anything to go through the milk just stopped. I would just say be aware that some people are absolutely disgusted by it! I think all my social circle probably had something to say behind my back. It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks, when it comes to being a mum you do it your way 💪🏻

Oh the controversial threads are out in force tonight

Go on then, I'll bite. I fed DS until he was 4. He's nine now and you could never tell

What is funny is how the judgement goes. When I was still BF him if I mentioned it people would look at me in shock and horror and ask awkwardly if he wasn't too old. Past about 2 or so this was the case. Yet once he had stopped, I found on a couple of occasions cause to remark "Oh, I fed him until he was 4" and the reaction was totally different. They would look at him, being his ordinary five or six year old self, see absolutely nothing untoward and say basically nothing, and the conversation would move on. It was the strangest thing.

I did not go about randomly announcing this, BTW, I don't think people care that much - it was more if the topic came up about how "weird" it was or when somebody else was getting flak for it and so I said so in support.

To the 'no benefit' argument. Meet and talk to a 3yrs old-4yrs old-5yrs old who is still bf. Look at their lives and how they deal with illnesses, upsets, tantrums, new experiences, travels etc. Talk to them about bf. Hear what they have to say and look at them when they bf, when they talk about bf. Then decide whether or not the benefits are there.
Positives and benefits are not always quantifiable. I can assure you that the benefits to my 5yrs were v much present and that my 3yrs derives a lot of pleasure, comfort, reassurance and bonding time from it. Therefore benefits. It helps her reconnect with me at the end of a busy day. It's not easy being a 3yrs old. Its not easy going to nursery full-time. I know that bf is one thing that helps my daughter on a day to day basis.

Feed your child never mind anyone else...

It’s not weird at all.

What is weird is the sheer vitriol and judgement heaped on women for their feeding choices. You just can’t win. Breast, bottle, for however long - someone is always telling you you’re wrong.

The vehemence of it baffles me. Feed the child. Whatever way works, for a duration that works.

Every child is different. No ones business but yours. It is sad that your dh thinks you will be judged. I might be wrong but I am guessing this is your 1st? My ds1 was 2 1/2 & gave up gradually. The dd and ds2 were about 20 months. Don't make a big thing of giving up it will only make it a battle. Well done 😀

I started to feel weird around eighteen months so gave up.

@oblada but potty training actually stands against your argument as it is one of the many things we do as parents that helps children grow up and venture into the adult world. If we told them it was ok to stay in nappies till they were 6 they probably would but we don’t because we’re socialising them. I see extended breastfeeding in the same way