How do people feel if the man you are with is looking at other women ?

[hopethingsgetbetter]

I know this is probably obvious as I've seen it posted on here before but I'm just wondering how women cope with their partner looking at other women in a checking them out kind of way? I really do not like it at all. My partner does it in rather sneaky ways (eg walking back in the shopping isle to pick up some more bread or whatever, when he clearly wants to have a closer look, or if a woman jogger runs past us he will pretend to want to see what the building behind us is so that he can watch her running). I hadn't challenged him on this until yesterday because I thought it was rather a belittling an paranoid sounding accusation. However he admitted that he knows that he does it and he says all men do it, but I know that they don't. Perhaps it doesn't matter. I know he wouldn't act on anything. Incidentally, I have (when I was younger) been the 'looked-at woman' as well. I haven't done it (because it would be demeaning, rude and unkind) but when I was looked-at woman I have felt like calling the man out and telling their wife.

Honestly, I know people occasionally have a peep even if they’re very loved up, but I think it’s very disrespectful to you if he does it often and brazen enough that you notice. I think it shows he isn’t really considering your feelings.

All men don't do that.

Only men who who have poor self-discipline or who believe that women's role is to be ornamental.

All men don't do it. You can't help noticing attractive people - I glance at blokes who are attractive, but then I glance at women who are attractive! What I don't do is blatantly check them out and make excuses to turn round and look at them, or double back in the supermarket!

You do not have to tolerate this, op

You must know some shit men if you consider such behaviour "normal"

A lot of men do this but most have learned to do it discreetly.
I am offended on your behalf op that your dp actually doubles back for a closer look. Damn creepy behaviour and disrespectful.

I dont think all men do it.
And I wouldnt like it if my partner did it.

I found that the best thing to do if this annoys or upsets you,is to do it yourself! I had a partner a few years back that kept doing this so I started to ogle blokes,in a way that he would notice,but hopefully not the blokes I was ogling! He soon twigged what I was doing and started getting stroppy about it. I merely said 'One rule for you then,another one for me'. He didn't do it anywhere as near as much after that well not when he was with me.

Nope all men don't do it. Not so you would notice anyway. He actually goes out of his way to have a look?

You won't stop him looking if he's that way inclined. I'd have a think about all his good qualities and weigh it up. Not sure I'd want to spend a huge amount of my time and effort on someone who does this all the time. They'd have to be pretty damn spectacular in every other area of themselves for me to put up with that.

Not on, it’s natural to look but being so blatant is really hurtful. How would he like it if you were showing him up by brazenly dribbling over young attractive men when you were out together?

I wouldn’t put up with it. XH did it. It was creepy and sleazy. If DP did it I wouldn’t hang around.

In 20 years, DH has never openly ogled another woman. He notices other men doing it and finds it unsettling, particularly when it's aimed at young women in their teens.

I felt like shit, and like dumping him. So I did.
I now have a man who sees women as actual humans, not just a side show.
You too can do this op.

Cheeseandonionicecream has a fantastic solution!!do it op!!

My DH might have a quick glance if a really good looking woman walks by (as would I probably if there was a really fit guy), I'm not bothered by that. But he would never fix a stare or rubber neck (as I wouldn't) It is disrespectful to your partner.

I remember once being on a tube train and some guy was staring at me blatanty in front of his wife/girlfriend. I could tell she was upset. I was raging on her behalf but was too young and not enough self confidence to say anything.

Honestly that sounds awful, I'd be really annoyed if my DH actually followed a woman down a shopping aisle for a better look, your DP sounds a bit creepy :/

You dont stop finding people attractive just because you are in a relationship. Just ask your partner to be more discrete or to wait until they are not with you before enjoying the 'scenery'.

DP done this when we were first together, his Dad and DB are the same, had to remark on every woman on the tv music channels. Openly check out other women on a night out.

I found it very disrespectful, at first I was wondering if it was my own insecurity. It wasn't it was sleazy, He stopped shortly after I refused to put up with it, definitely learnt behaviour and his upbringing.

Everyone has a little peak and that's fine, what you describe is sleazy but can be changed. Play him at his game see how he likes it.

All men don’t do what you are describing in your OP.

Following a woman down a supermarket aisle to look at her is weird and creepy.

I ask him if he knows her as he’s looking at her like he does and he smirks and then we laugh about it.

I don’t care.

Oh OP, that sounds awful.
It's totally normal to glance at people you find attractive, I do, and I know my partner does too. That's only human.
With his behaviour, your partner is being very disrespectful to both you and the women he's gawking at.

Our approach is just to be open about it. Sometimes DH will say to me 'She's cute' and sometimes I'll even say 'There's a girl over there you'd probably fancy'. I guess the important thing is that this is sometimes and not constant. I can totally accept a guy thinking other women are cute, but I wouldn't like it being mentioned constantly or him furtively looking all the time, or indeed handling it in a way that is humiliating or aimed at provoking to me.

But it's one of those things where everyone has different standards as to what is acceptable.

I think everyone looks at someone stage. I notice attractive men and women not in an oggle way. But I a there attractive way.

Depends on how he's doing it for me. But not my relationship you can feel how you like.

How do you deal with it? You dump his sorry arse.

He back tracks down supermarket aisles and roads to get a better gawk at women?!

That's actually so embarrassing and cringeworthy. For him. And you.

I have no doubt that DH has walked past attractive women in my company and appreciated the view. Because I have myself from time-to-time. That's normal.

But actually going back to take another look puts him into the category of uncontrollable rutting Jack Russell, or hormonal, sex-obsessed adolescent.

Which of those would he prefer to be likened to?

What your DP is doing sounds quite creepy and definitely beyond what I would consider normal or acceptable.

DH does this, but also will point out good looking men so I'm not sure what I think on the subject, I think going back down a shopping aisle to stare at a woman is creepy but a quick look is normal