Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To message his girlfriend about socks?

400 replies

AnothermanicMumday · 26/02/2018 09:59

My ds (5) goes to his dad's every other weekend and usually comes back on the Sunday evening. He's moved in with his dp 30 mins drive away but still works locally to me so occasionally he asks if he can drop him off on the way to work which I've said is fine if not too early for ds.
This morning he turns up at 7.10 am (so ds probably had to leave by 6.40am). Ds is in his pjs, baseball cap, trainers, no gloves or socks. His feet were absolutely freezing and when they started warming up they were really hurting. At the time he was dropped off the temperature was -1 but realfeel temp was -4. Not long after it began to snow.
I warmed ds up, got him hot drink and thick socks etc then messaged his df asking him to please make sure ds has socks on especially in this weather. It's not the first time I've mentioned it to him. He read and ignored my message but was online.
I sent a very polite message to his dp explaining what had happened again, apologised for messaging her and although it's not down to her there's only so many times I can talk to him about it so could she please remind him to provide socks for ds. The other point was ds has a verucca which I told his df about and it should be covered up especially since she has 3dc.
He messaged me saying he is LIVID I messaged his dp and don't do it again and if I have a problem then to contact him. He only seemed concerned that I'd contacted her and not that his ds feet were freezing and painful. He then started throwing out anything to try and get back at me for my polite request. I ignore the fact that he doesn't clean his ears or cut his nails etc as he's usually only there for a couple of days but I felt I couldn't ignore this.
Was I wrong to message his dp due to him making same mistake again?

OP posts:
CopenhagenMaiden · 26/02/2018 13:01

Oh well what’s done is done. You shouldn’t have messaged her but you had good intentions and hindsight is a great thing.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/02/2018 13:02

I wouldn't reply with that shouty message, not if you don't want to appear as a raving loon.

A quick phone call when you know he's finished work would have sufficed.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/02/2018 13:03

Also, yes, she contacted your ex, but that’s not to say she was bothered you sent her a text, she might have said ‘FFS you idiot, why the hell did you not put socks & warm clothes on Jr before taking him outside this morning. You really are a twat’.

Idontdowindows · 26/02/2018 13:03

Really? Can you provide some example posts?

LOL, how about by starting with the two VERY FIRST responses?

alpineibex · 26/02/2018 13:06

I'd reply with that message alien said, just not in caps... So it's not 'shouty'.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/02/2018 13:06

How did you get her details to send a message OP?

alpineibex · 26/02/2018 13:07

Or

"Maybe she needs to know how crap you can be before she has her own kids with you"Blush

ittakes2 · 26/02/2018 13:09

I don't think you are being unreasonable - you just care about your son. yes his dad should do it - but I'm sure she helps with looking after your son so no big deal. I would have thought as another mother she would understand. Looks like she showed him though.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/02/2018 13:09

People cannot expect a reply as soon as they see their message has be viewed. That's just ridiculous. All this could have been avoided if like the OP said herself that she hadn't sent it so soon after he's dropped him off because she was annoyed.

Speaking to him over the phone calmly is much more likely to have an effect.

CherryMaDeary · 26/02/2018 13:10

LOL, how about by starting with the two VERY FIRST responses?

The very first responses are telling OP it's not ex's DP's responsibility. Confused

usernamealreadytaken · 26/02/2018 13:10

Alien - if I received that message I'd wait until I finished work and then message back I HAVE TO WORK, I AM HOME NOW. CAN WE STOP SHOUTING??

And if OP does not send clean clothes for DS to wear, she would be moaning that DS had been sent home in dirty three day old clothes. It sounds as though exP and GF are not well off (probably shouldn't be having a holiday if can't afford it), so it may well be a struggle to buy new things for DS - does OP send back the clothes DS is returned in even when they are too small? It works both ways.

CherryMaDeary · 26/02/2018 13:11

GreatDuck but OP has also said he ignores her requests all the time. I can see why she had enough.

CherryMaDeary · 26/02/2018 13:13

username

OP has already said DS comes back in dirty clothes. Ex should be prioritising clothes for his DS when he has him over holidays. Somehow, I doubt his DP's two sons are without clothes.

Idontdowindows · 26/02/2018 13:18

The very first responses are telling OP it's not ex's DP's responsibility. confused

Yes, that is what I said.

inlectorecumbit · 26/02/2018 13:19

I would be saying to your ex that it is obviously not in your DS's best interest to be brought back so early in the morning and revert to Sunday evenings. Surely then he would be adequately dressed.

His problem

AnothermanicMumday · 26/02/2018 13:27

I have spoken to him on the phone and by message previously! If he hadn't of read message or wasn't online ages after my polite message I would of waited. With him, if I'd of said a week on Friday can you put socks on him when you bring him back as he was freezing last time he wouldn't of thought it was important and either would if said it wasn't cold or that he did have socks on.
I don't send him back in the clothes that are too small. His last onsie he came back in was half way up his shins and cuffs were digging in. I mentioned it but he took it from mine and continued to let him wear it until he got a new one for Christmas

OP posts:
AnothermanicMumday · 26/02/2018 13:34

We live in one of those said rural areas!

To message his girlfriend about socks?
OP posts:
TiredMumToTwo · 26/02/2018 13:38

Well, you’ve learnt your lesson, your ex’s girlfriend doesn’t want anything to do with you and doesn’t want to be contacted by you - can’t say blame her.

Figgygal · 26/02/2018 13:40

I don't think what you did was that bad OP despite the reaction it seems to have gathered here. As you said it is February and he wouldn't go out without socks neither would I so not sure why everyone seems to think this is ok.

Yes you could have waited longer to get a response from him and yes you could have not done what you did but it is done now. I think you have to say to him that if he cannot make sure your ds needs are met then he will not have overnight contact. His overreaction speaks volumes to me.

Married3Children · 26/02/2018 13:41

In terest8ng how a step mother shouod not be involved in ensuring that a young child has socks on whe they go out BUT they are asked to treat the child the same way they would theirs etc....

It’s not possible to have it both ways.

The fact the father was LIVID suggests he got a bollocking of some sort from his gf. Or knew it looked really bad.
My answer to him though would have been that I am LIVID that OUR child can back home in pain because he didn’t have socks on. And thatbthe welfare of his child should be his main priority even at 6.30 am

AnothermanicMumday · 26/02/2018 13:42

I'm happy to have nc just not happy that my son is coming back freezing. If df had learnt from last time there would of been no reason for me to (politely) contact her !

OP posts:
CurlyRover · 26/02/2018 13:44

I haven't rtft but I wouldn't be too impressed if DP's ex messaged me. Ask me in person- fine, but messaging me would cross a boundary.

I can totally understand your frustration and it's really shit he's not putting your DS's needs first but honestly it's not right to message his gf unless you've chatted to her in person and know she's fine with it.

I'd be really concerned if my DP didn't even put socks on his DD's feet at that age and in this temperature. Personally I would've called him out on it. But there would be a difference me calling him out on it and his ex messaging me about it.

x2boys · 26/02/2018 13:46

How. Cold could his feet have got? yes it's absolutely freezing here now but a car warms up pretty quickly My son has autism and learning disabilities and more often than not takes his shoes and socks off and will not wear gloves his feet don't get that cold in a warm car or the school mini bus which he travels on every day .

Qvar · 26/02/2018 13:46

I wouldn't say the ex's partner is auditioning for the role of step mum - I'd say OP's ex is auditioning for the role of step dad and OP contacting the woman giving the audition has thrown a spanner in the works, as it's now obvious that Op's ex is a useless shit and doesn't give a fuck as long as nobody's watching.

Qvar · 26/02/2018 13:48

Takes 25 minutes in this weather for my car to get to the point where I am happy to take off my gloves.

Sitting in it in pyjamas and no socks would make me very miserable indeed, and I am a well padded adult, not a 20 kg five year old whose mother has Raynaud's.

Swipe left for the next trending thread