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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To message his girlfriend about socks?

400 replies

AnothermanicMumday · 26/02/2018 09:59

My ds (5) goes to his dad's every other weekend and usually comes back on the Sunday evening. He's moved in with his dp 30 mins drive away but still works locally to me so occasionally he asks if he can drop him off on the way to work which I've said is fine if not too early for ds.
This morning he turns up at 7.10 am (so ds probably had to leave by 6.40am). Ds is in his pjs, baseball cap, trainers, no gloves or socks. His feet were absolutely freezing and when they started warming up they were really hurting. At the time he was dropped off the temperature was -1 but realfeel temp was -4. Not long after it began to snow.
I warmed ds up, got him hot drink and thick socks etc then messaged his df asking him to please make sure ds has socks on especially in this weather. It's not the first time I've mentioned it to him. He read and ignored my message but was online.
I sent a very polite message to his dp explaining what had happened again, apologised for messaging her and although it's not down to her there's only so many times I can talk to him about it so could she please remind him to provide socks for ds. The other point was ds has a verucca which I told his df about and it should be covered up especially since she has 3dc.
He messaged me saying he is LIVID I messaged his dp and don't do it again and if I have a problem then to contact him. He only seemed concerned that I'd contacted her and not that his ds feet were freezing and painful. He then started throwing out anything to try and get back at me for my polite request. I ignore the fact that he doesn't clean his ears or cut his nails etc as he's usually only there for a couple of days but I felt I couldn't ignore this.
Was I wrong to message his dp due to him making same mistake again?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 17:30

What are you on about?
I asked the OP if she knew that the ex hadn't told his DP about the verucca.

As usual she is evasive with an answer.

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:32

She probably doesn't know the answer, @GreatDuckCookery how would she? She's not there when they talk, is she?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 17:35

So why on earth is she still going on about the bloody thing?

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:35

I agree, @Birdsgottafly I've had my DH's nephews and nieces to stay. I made sure they had what they needed. I didn't say to my DH, 'Sorry, DH, it's all your job, I'm just taking care of my DDs, you have responsibility for your family.' It doesn't work like that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 17:36

And what to you mean by the comment about me dropping the question about the verucca? That doesn't make any sense to me.

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:38

Because she wanted to make sure that the GF's DC didn't get verrucas. Is that so hard to understand? It's a reason for her to have made sure that the GF, as the mother, knew about them.

Complaining about socks on it's own wouldn't be a thing to contact the GF about.

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:40

@GreatDuckCookery because you were very quick to change the subject, going back to the subject of FB.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 17:40

You don't know that she doesn't know!!

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:42

Well she does now, the OP has taken care of that. You really don't want the OP to have been right, do you??

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:45

Do you really think he sounds like someone to notice verrucas and warm his DP about them? He's driven his DC around without insurance.

I definitely don't think your ex should be allowed to take your DS on holiday, OP.

Prettylovely · 27/02/2018 17:46

Likely she did know though I always know when my stepchild has them hes had them twice, unfortunately his mum doesnt make him wear socks at home with them like we do at our house Sad grim.

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:47

No I am not. I have 2 DDs (adopted), and my DH and I are very much together. My DSis has been in a simile position to the GF, though, I can't imagine her being upset with her DH's ex in a similar situation though.

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 17:49

Maybe so, @Prettylovely I think my DSis would have known too, actually.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 17:49

Ah well that explains your stance I guess.

Right got to dash, stuff to do.

SandyY2K · 28/02/2018 08:37

The more you say about your Ex, I can empathise and see why you contacted his DP.

What a devious person he is (was) with the debt and fake documents.

You do sound like a very reasonable person.

Whilst it his responsibility....perhaps also telling DS to remind his dad would help too. I find things like putting socks inside their shoes helps.

AnothermanicMumday · 28/02/2018 08:54

Thank you Sandy and everyone else for the helpful messages!
I have had a chat with ds but been careful not to sound like I'm slating his df. He said he will put them in his shoes at bedtime ready for morning! Df doesn't realise how lucky he is having an independent dc who just gets on with it if provided with the right stuff!

OP posts:
fluffyrobin · 28/02/2018 08:56

At his age he should be doing that anyway! Hmm

ChristmasCakes · 28/02/2018 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lizzie48 · 28/02/2018 09:13

That isn't kind, @ChristmasCakes there's nothing to suggest that the OP acted aggressively. She was painstakingly polite and even asked her DP to check the content of the text, which is what I do when I have a difficult message to send.

Yes she was angry, because her ex has a history of not looking after her DS properly. That doesn't mean she has an anger problem.

AnothermanicMumday · 28/02/2018 09:21

How is he meant to do it by himself if he's not provided with any?! Not anger issue,.just wasn't my ds to be warm enough . Not a lot to ask and wanting him to be cared for is not me needing to grow up

OP posts:
AnothermanicMumday · 28/02/2018 09:21

*want

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/02/2018 09:25

Well hopefully now the problem will go away if he's provided with a couple of pairs of socks so he can put one pair in his shoes the night before.

logicalmum · 28/02/2018 09:49

Unless your exs girlfriend makes herself invisible of course she will be relevant to your sons needs. Yanbu, it's your exs responsibility but your son stays in a house with two adults. She is part of that setup. It would be weird if she didn't involve herself in anyway in a small child's well being. Yanbu op. If your ex was livid at the idea of contacting his girlfriend he will in future think twice before ignoring you.

Blackteadrinker77 · 28/02/2018 10:03

I think you are BU.

Your sons father has continually failed to look after his basic needs and all you do about it is send some messages.
I'd be writing him a letter that he straps him in the car seat as required by law.
That if he has him over night he is to dress him in a manner he would dress himself.

This is not his partners responsibility, it is his parents. If his father isn't looking after him then it is up to you to do it.

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