When you're collecting your child from an after school playdate do you do this?

[AjasLipstick]

STAY TOO LONG?

Seriously. DD aged 9's friend came over this evening (we're in Australia) for an after school play.

Her Mum had said she'd come to collect at 5.30.

great.

As usual, she arrived with her husband and their other three kids.

They stayed "chatting" to me for AN HOUR! On a school night when I have been working all day....I work from home. I stop work to pick kids up and then usually need to continue after bedtime.

WHY!? For the love of God!?

And I really don’t wish to nit pick but it’s simply not good enough to accidentally be racist, homophobic, ableist etc. So, I’m calling that out in the hope that people might think before dismissing the possibility of extending friendship to those who may not find it easy to do things the expected or anticipated way.

Come off it, Ahardyfool . Not everyone who has selfish impulses or really couldn't give a toss about inconveniencing other people is actually disabled.
Not all people without autism have perfect social graces. Stop your nonsense, fgs

But you’re basing that on the assumption that the poster was talking about people with disabilities!

Maybe she was just talking about people who are cheeky fuckers!

I was referring to a specific comment made up thread not the OP. It dismayed me really. I get that this might seem OTT to many but it was a depressing indictment of the reality of friendship when you aren’t socially clued up.

I have an uncanny knack of being able to stop a conversation dead in its track when I need to. Comes in very handy for these situations.

DP, on the other hand, has an uncanny knack of allowing these situations to go on for two hours or so.

There was a poster whom I haven't seen in a while who used to derail threads with the "How awful you are to say that. He could be disabled" war cry all the bloody time.
She never managed to grasp that she was doing absolutely nothing to promote understanding / tolerance of people with autism by suggesting that every instance of Godawful, cunty behaviour could be attributable to this.
Please don't pick up where she (thankfully) left off.

On a separate note, I was working from home on Monday (actually the case most days as I rarely have to travel into the office) and DD was going to a friend’s straight from school. We live in the village where school is located and many of the parents park close to our house so I packed a bag of after school clothes (it was snowing and DD and her friend would likely be outside in the garden playing so I shoved her wellies and jumper and leggings in) and offered to drop at school but the Mum said she’d knock to collect the bag. All fine. Except what I didn’t notice was that she knocked about 10 mins before school pick up and I spoke to her briefly on the doorstep. I was wrapped up in work and the relief of not having DD back until 6pm and didn’t register that the poor parent would have to wait in the cold for school to let the children out. I should have invited her in but just didn’t think. I texted to say sorry.

I know who you’re talking about greyhound. God it was exhausting! And you’re right - it achieved nothing but bunfight after bunfight. Constant derailment.

Well I’m not going to do that. I don’t have the energy as I’m spending about 80% of my time having real and worthy battles with entities such as the local authority for a school place (somehow not forthcoming in 8 months of missed education). Sometimes though it hits a nerve. I’m sure you all understand. Possibly I’m projecting.

I do think you’re projecting. Or hope you are as the alternative is extremely unpleasant.

But you’re being very gracious and the projection is no doubt understandable.

for the shit time you’re having.

Ok, Ahardyfool

As I implied upthread, you don't have to be autistic to have a real difficulty in understanding body language and the subtler forms of communication. Unlike skills in any other area, someone who lacks skills in communication not only has to cope with the difficulties that causes, they also have to cope with the knowledge that there are people around who deem them because of their difficulties as not worthy of friendship.

Yes. My sons best friends parents are like this. To the point where my husband and I argue about who collects DS after play date as they ask us in and chat rubbish for hours. They are perfectly lovely. And I appreciate they are trying to be friendly but we are there for the kids. I am ashamed to admit we have never invited them to our home as I wouldn't know how to get rid of them. Their DS doesn't have any other friends over from school. They are Eastern European and don't socialise much with other parents. And I even feel awful for typing this as they are such nice people! I just find it terribly awkward.

Not all people without autism have perfect social graces. And not all people without perfect social graces are trying to be unpleasant or selfish or whatever.

It's ironic that it's friendship with other people that teaches you social graces, but if at any stage you slip behind, other people do not want you for a friend, and so you are deprived of the friendship that would help you develop social graces so that someone would want to be a friend...

People have all sorts of reasons for not being friends with someone though.

Over staying your welcome is a reason. Being a bit loud is a reason. Being stingey. Being abrasive. Being to sensitive...the list goes on.

I totally understand. My DD’s friend came over last week as I was taking them to a club together (as a favour to her mum). The mum dropped friend over, but came in with her other kids, so if turned into a full-on play date. I was rushing to get my DD and DS fed, with their friend, and I ended up feeding and clearing up after all of them.

I'm also Australian. Never, not once did I have/go on an after school play date as a child. Weekends and Fridays (if sleeping over) only. I asked my husband (he's British) and he's never done this either. I keep reading about these 'after school playdates' on MN and keep wondering why these things happen/whether they aren't horribly inconvenient. Having read your thread, I've decided to never do these for my kids either. In your place I would just stop inviting them altogether for being so rude.

Oh, and dtpitmam is 100% accurate about Australian etiquette-there is none. So long as you aren't being downright nasty you can say pretty much anything.

Just like Sparklingbrook, for some time now I've been driving my DC's friends back myself after play dates.

Most of the mums are friends of mine that I often meet at other times. I just don't enjoy trying to be sociable while trying to get two children to tidy up and find their things (especially when they never want it to end).

I’m Australian and all of the kids of my acquaintance have after-school play dates. Although most of them just call it ‘going over to x’s house to play’ (thank God).

OutFace that's utter bollocks. Australians are generally incredibly polite and I have met many people here who are considerate and kind. The idea that there's no etiquette and anything goes is rubbish.

OP, ignore Ouy, they're on another thread denigrating Australians too.

Outy*

Beagle oh right! Thanks....the things people do!

I have an inability to know when to leave or be able to end conversations easily. When I'm in these situations, I tell people just to say if they need me to leave and that I won't be offended. What I see on their face is at first embarrassment/confusion but there's also a huge amount of relief. I can chat for hours and never used to realize people were busy. Try saying "I'm really sorry but I have to get back to work". Also have their dd dressed and ready to go home at 1725, rather than calling them when their parents turn up. Otherwise, it's an excuse to chat whilst they get ready to go home and the kid will just start playing again! This way the kid will also want to leave. Don't invite them in, either, just hand out their kid!