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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When you're collecting your child from an after school playdate do you do this?

165 replies

AjasLipstick · 26/02/2018 08:17

STAY TOO LONG?

Seriously. DD aged 9's friend came over this evening (we're in Australia) for an after school play.

Her Mum had said she'd come to collect at 5.30.

great.

As usual, she arrived with her husband and their other three kids.

They stayed "chatting" to me for AN HOUR! On a school night when I have been working all day....I work from home. I stop work to pick kids up and then usually need to continue after bedtime.

WHY!? For the love of God!?

OP posts:

PlaydoughGirl · 26/02/2018 09:28

I'm in Australia and would consider this perfectly normal. In fact, I usually invite them in, offer them a glass of wine, and then chat while I prepare tea. It's good to have a community of people around me who I can rely on when needed, and I think the odd glass of wine and a chat helps forge those networks.

Original poster

AjasLipstick · 26/02/2018 09:31

Playdough how nice for you that you have time to do that. I on the other hand had tea already prepared...by DH who did it before he left for work this evening and didn't need to do it because I DID have to work.

I don't get leisurely wine and cooking time. I work a lot.

OP posts:

chocatoo · 26/02/2018 09:35

Surely they are just being friendly? Whenever people come to the door I invite them in for a cuppa! I factor that time in as part of the ‘date’. But I love connecting with people so perhaps I am one who stays too long...must be more careful not to overstay my welcome!

Original poster

AjasLipstick · 26/02/2018 09:39

Choc being friendly is chatting for ten minutes and then saying "Oh we should go out for a coffee soon!" or similar.

It's fine to ask people in for a cup of tea or whatever if you want that but it's not ok to keep someone standing for an hour when they've made a number of "I am so busy today!" comments.

OP posts:

Mumto2two · 26/02/2018 09:40

No husky, my schedule is not wide open. But there's a distinct tone of disgruntled unfriendliness apparent on this thread. We are all busy in different ways, making time for a friendly face makes the world a nicer place.

Cheekyandfreaky · 26/02/2018 09:41

Op YANBU. As a working parent it’s just not feasible after hosting a play date to be up for random chat.

I have no advice though as am terrible at getting rid of overstayers. Will take notes from the advice on this thread too.

Original poster

AjasLipstick · 26/02/2018 09:42

I don't have time to "make" during the week. None at all. I run my own business and factoring in playdates costs me enough as it is. I only do it now the DC are old enough to entertain themselves.

I have friends I see at weekends. And I'm often too tired for them as it is.

OP posts:

HuskyMcClusky · 26/02/2018 09:43

We are all busy in different ways

Okay. I’m as friendly as they come, but I’m the kind of busy that gets paid an hourly rate to work from home. It’s simply not possible to do that over a cup of tea.

Cheekyandfreaky · 26/02/2018 09:44

@Mumto2two I would rather save my energy (yes after a day of work, being friendly when you just want to get on with dinner, baths, bedtime etc involves energy) for my children and DH. The random overstayers in the OP sound like energy sappers.

farangatang · 26/02/2018 09:45

Your house, your time and your decision. If you've set a precedent for having a chat at pick-up time, you can curtail them for the future:

text beforehand and send your apologies that today you'll need to send child off straightaway because you've got a lot of work due for a deadline;
say this when they get to the door and have kid ready to go (easier said than done, I know!)
if you don't want to text beforehand, just tell them straight that it's been great for the kids to play and you'd love to chat another time, but unfortunately you can't manage it 'this evening' (and repeat every time - the habit will be broken soon enough - if you want to see them socially you can always schedule it in). Most people would be mortified if they thought they were imposing and will understand your time constraints. Those who don't, well, their opinions shouldn't really matter. Good luck OP.

GreenTulips · 26/02/2018 09:54

But who turns up to collect this child (assume in the car) and releases 3 more kids?

I'm more ' the little ones are in the car .... must dash!'

I would never turn up with thebothers in one!

Mumto2two · 26/02/2018 09:55

I see what you're saying Cheeky. Come to think of it, I do know somebody like this, whether picking up from her house, or her picking up at mine. But this particular lady is the proverbial drama queen. So every day is a crisis..and every crisis is another hour. In those cases, I just try and politely steer things to a friendly close. I'm sure most people would be mortified if they thought they were overstaying their welcome.

Cheekyandfreaky · 26/02/2018 10:01

@Mumto2two I think it’s almost like the whole ‘people are either givers or takers’ thing. So you are a giver in that you are being friendly as is OP in hosting the play date, but the overstayers and the woman wanting to discuss her crisis time after time are taking: time, energy etc.

missiondecision · 26/02/2018 10:38

Always ensure child is ready by the door with all belongs .... watch the window 5 mins before collection and hand the child straight over. Be bright and breezy, they have had a lot of fun, have a nice evening. Can’t stop, I have a lot of work to do, or similar. Toughen up.

SweetMoon · 26/02/2018 10:47

I always offer the pickup parent a coffee or tea, it's friendly! I too work full time and often from home so I get you are in a schedule but I'd flex that a bit if someone came in for a chat for an hour. So tea is an hour later, or I'll have to catch up on more stuff after kids in bed. No biggie in the grand scheme of things.

If however I did have an important work call or deadline I'd just tell them and say sorry I can't ask you in, I've got to get straight to work in 20 minutes.

starray · 26/02/2018 11:12

I ask if the parent wants to come in for tea as I don't want to seem rude and unfriendly, they come in to chat as they don't want to seem rude or unfriendly. The truth is probably that neither one of us wants to hang out and chat...but are both too polite to say so!

PlaydoughGirl · 26/02/2018 11:41

*Playdough how nice for you that you have time to do that. I on the other hand had tea already prepared...by DH who did it before he left for work this evening and didn't need to do it because I DID have to work.

I don't get leisurely wine and cooking time. I work a lot.*

Awwww. Diddums. I work full time, am studying a Masters degree, have 2 children with special needs and my DP is travelling away for 5 months.

Lots of us work a lot. You're not that special.

pasanda · 26/02/2018 11:48

I had this on Saturday. Parents, plus 4 yr old sibling, enter the kitchen whilst friend on playdate goes off to find all her stuff. 4 year old runs off to try and find her sister. The ended up being at our house for 25 mins talking about shit I didn't want to talk about, I had work to do and was stressed about an email just sent to me.

I keep trying to walk to the door and encourage them to leave but the 4 year old kept running back into the fecking house!

pasanda · 26/02/2018 11:50

Playdough - it's really not a competition of who is busier than who or who is the best and busiest mum you now.

Your post was rude and spiteful.

Everyone is different

phoenix1973 · 26/02/2018 11:52

No i didnt do that. Knocked, waited on the doorstep, take my child,thank you very much, bye!
One mum collected from me and she sat down for an hour.

My dd has her mates thats great. But i never expect that I will be mates with their parents.

PlaydoughGirl · 26/02/2018 11:56

pasanda

Of course it's not a competition. I wrote of my own experiences in my first post. But the OP was certainly very rude in her reply to me.

omBreROSE · 26/02/2018 11:56

What a funny thread! So glad most of this shit is behind me. Parenting is obviously getting much harder - and weirder!

Original poster

AjasLipstick · 26/02/2018 11:58

Playdough sounds about 12!

OP posts:

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 26/02/2018 12:01

No matter how busy or tired I may be.... I deduce from that that you're probably one of the worst offenders, Mummyto2?!
Most people with any sort of emotional intelligence are able to read a situation and tell whether they're welcome or not.

WheresYouWheelieBin · 26/02/2018 12:01

I can do better than that. We had a friend drop her child around to our place for a play one morning and she didn’t leave. Child was 10 and we’d known each other for years, so it wasn’t as if she was worried about who we were and where we lived. I had a stack of jobs to do around the house and she followed me around while I got them done. She ended up staying for morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea and then I had to wrap it all up and send them both on their way because I couldn’t cope with it any more. To make matters worse, she dropped her son around to our place a few months later while my MIL was looking after my kids and did the same thing to her.

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