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Original poster

Boyfriend won't leave MY house

253 replies

FirstTimeMama18 · 25/02/2018 12:42

I have told my boyfriend to leave my house and he's refusing. I own the house outright myself.

We have an 8 week old DD and he has a DS from previous relationship. Our relationship has been very whirlwind, fell pregnant very quickly etc. We have done nothing but argue since I gave birth and I have had enough. Too much stress and don't feel supported.

I asked him to leave last night, he did but came back this morning and is refusing to leave now. His son is with him, he's sitting on my sofa smirking telling me he's going no where and to call the police.. I don't want police at my door.

He pays me £400 towards bills but like I said, I own my home outright. Do I have to give him notice to leave? How do I get him to leave without calling the police?

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 25/02/2018 15:08

I'm sorry, OP. I think you're going to need specialized advice. If you won't call the police, call Shelter first thing tomorrow and ask how you can get him out.

Jon66 · 25/02/2018 15:17

With respect, there is some rubbish on here. The ex is a licensee. He has no legal interest in the property. He does NOT have a tenancy. The law is reasonable notice should be given, not must. Reasonable notice might in some cases mean an hour or a day. If op is feeling threatened, or emotions are running high an hour is probably reasonable. He has no come back on that under the law. And to the people who are saying if it were the woman being asked to leave people would be supporting her what is your point? This has been happening to women for as long as I have practised law and for centuries before that and will continue until people take their positions a little more seriously and protect their legal position. Call the police, get him out change the locks. Arrange visits for seeing children in writing, don't let him back in even to see the children until he learns how to behave.

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/02/2018 15:26

Agree with Dragons - the OP needs to wait until tomorrow and then get proper advice about her rights by phoning Shelter or seeing a solicitor. She does not want to get herself into trouble by acting illegally in any way. It may well be that she has to give her boyfriend "reasonable notice" - probably a month as pps have suggested. Although she wants him out immediately, she may have to find a way of putting up with his presence for a few weeks longer and she should focus on ways of making this as bearable as possible - obviously separate sleeping arrangements and being in different areas of the house as much as possible. Also planning to be out when he is in at weekends and vice versa. She needs to think of him as a temporary, unwelcome lodger and console herself by counting down the days. She will be able to achieve what she wants but in a longer (but not too long) timeframe. By doing things the measured, reasonable way, she also leaves the way open to civilised discussions in the future re child access, financial support etc.

Iflyaway · 25/02/2018 15:33

Also planning to be out when he is in

Sure! Just what you need with a newborn in the dead of winter with minus temperatures on the horizon..... Hmm

MichaelBendfaster · 25/02/2018 15:42

Yes, police, simple as that.

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/02/2018 15:46

Well obviously not for a long walk if it's too cold! But it would be a good time to get out and visit a friend or family if possible. If going out is too daunting, just another part of the house then. (Maybe invite someone round) Waiting out four weeks is obviously not an ideal situation but may be a necessary means to an end.

PollyPerky · 25/02/2018 16:03

jon66 Anyone can come on a forum and say they are qualified. Hmm
If you are a lawyer I'm jolly well glad you aren't mine. If they have co-habited and he has paid rent for several months the advide I posted upthread from Shelter says he has to be givennotice. I can't see that instant eviction is reasonable without any violent behaviour in the mix.

I thought the whole crux of English law was what was "reasonable". This doesn't sound like being reasonable to me just because the OP is fed up with him, they argue and wants to end the relationship forthwith.

Telling him he has to 'learnt to behave'? Yeah...right.

All we have to go on is that this chap and the OP don't get on, it was a whirlwind romance, she got pregnant quickly (an 'accident'?) and now she wants shot of him. I guess that might apply to half of most relationships. But her boyfriend has to 'behave'?

CastielIsMyAngel · 25/02/2018 16:03

Hmm. I had an abusive ex that wouldn't leave and I asked the police for help. They didn't get him to leave. Instead I had to go back a week later to make a full statement about his abuse, (apparently as it was Christmas and New Year, they were "too busy") and in the meantime he chucked something off the back of my head and gave me a lump and concussion and told me he was going to put me through the window. In my case the police were useless. He only went when he decided it was time to go.

Good luck OP

GUMBYMUMBY · 25/02/2018 16:05

He has no right of abode!As such you need to get him removed by the Police. What a total git.
This happened to me once and I have to say- GET THE LOCKS changed same day. Mine came back in and impounded my possessions and it was back to the Police again.
Please take care.

rightknockered · 25/02/2018 16:07

Call the police. He is unlikely to kick off or resist in front of his ds. Change the locks. Otherwise he will get a lot worse. Draw a line.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 25/02/2018 16:10

Well this has been an interesting read but as the Op hasn’t come back I assume that she hasn’t read what she wanted to read and you’ve all scared her off with all your official advice. I hope she’s ok.

PollyPerky · 25/02/2018 16:20

Having done a search, there is a lot of information on various sites inc CAB saying that if you have a child together, the person who owns the house cannot 'evict' the other person and that they (the non-owner) can apply to the courts to allow them to stay for up to 6 months.

Things are also complicated by the fact he has contributed to the running of the home.

This is not a police matter. It's a civil matter.

Thymeout · 25/02/2018 16:24

But he's not 'of no fixed abode'. That house has been his residence, his permanent address. He may even be on the electoral roll. He has no fixed tenancy, a contract to live there for a specific length of time, but he has been living there for months(?) as a couple, with the home-owner and making regular contributions to the household. If you're living in a hostel for the homeless, it can be on a 24 hr basis and you have no right to stay there any longer or say that it is your permanent address. But that isn't the case here.

What is the legal difference between 'should' and 'must'? I think 'reasonable notice should be given' is clear enough. And 24 hrs is not reasonable notice in the circumstances. Where is the evidence for intimidation? He's sitting on the sofa 'smirking'. Annoying, yes but how is it a threat?

Of course, he has no right to continue living there if Op does not want him to. She is the householder. But she has to give him 'reasonable notice' to move out. And it needs to be properly recorded in writing.

Thymeout · 25/02/2018 16:34

And anyone saying that Op should call the police and change the locks should consider how they'd feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Should a mother and her baby be able to be thrown out at a moment's notice just because she's had a row with the baby's father and he happens to own the house? Would you be advising him to call the police and change the locks then, too?

GranolaLover · 25/02/2018 16:34

Honestly OP,you need to call the police. Not 999,but 101. Can I tell you about a similar experience I had a few years back? Not quite the same as yours as we have no children between us. I had been seeing this bloke for just over a year,but I'd had enough of his drinking and gambling. I told him it was over but he turned up at my flat the next evening,drunk and lairy and pushed his way in. I told him to leave over and over again,but he wouldn't and it ended up in a tussle,with me trying to push him out of the front door,to no avail. Eventually,he staggered into my bedroom and passed out on the bed. I phoned 101 and told them what had happened and they said they'd send someone round shortly. 2 officers were with me within half an hour. They took a statement from me describing what had happened,and I told them that I had finished the relationship with him but he wouldn't accept it. They said not to worry,they would deal with him. They told me to go into another room,then they went into my bedroom,shook him awake,read him his rights,then arrested him. They took him to the station where he spent the night in a cell,'cooling down'. A female officer phoned me the next morning and said they had cautioned him,and were releasing him shortly. Also that he had said he was sorry,and wanted to apologise to me. She said if I agreed to see him,meet him in a public place,not at my flat. Which I did,he apologised,but it didn't change anything. The police were wonderful,said that I'd done the right thing calling them.

Chrys2017 · 25/02/2018 16:36

GranolaLover Were you co-habiting with this man and do you have a child with him? If not, your story is completely irrelevant to OP's situation.

Aridane · 25/02/2018 16:43

Yes, different scenario

GranolaLover · 25/02/2018 16:49

Yes I had been co-habitating with him up until then. His tenancy on his studio flat had run out 6 months earlier so I had let him move in with me. Which was why I had opened the door to him when he called,thinking he had come to collect his stuff. Sorry if I've spoken out of turn,was only trying to help. Blush

Tistheseason17 · 25/02/2018 16:54

@GranolaLover
So you were co-habiting and it is relevant. OP is kicking ex out - not him and their child. OP's ex has shown up with his child from a different relationship that does not live there. (How I read it)

Personally, I'd wait until other child goes and then sort so no traumatic experience occurs in their presence.

Nightfall1 · 25/02/2018 16:54

Thymeout -Should a mother and her baby be able to be thrown out at a moment's notice just because she's had a row with the baby's father and he happens to own the house?

Of course this shouldn't happen but illustrates the point that people should really be aware of what can happen if they aren't protected by law. This is the reason that are so many people become homeless.
The OP's ex is not protected by housing or family law at all in the current situation. What "should" happen" is a moral question - not a legal one.

PollyPerky · 25/02/2018 17:01

granola that is completely different. Can't you see why?
The man in your flat was drunk and 'lairy' in your words. He may have been seen as a threat because you yourself resorted to violence and physical behaviour trying to manhandle him out of your flat.

I think you ought to realise that stepping up the request to include pushing him was stupid and possibly going to end badly for you as he was worse for wear.

The OP and her partner have a child together. He was sober and sitting on her sofa with another child in the room too.

There is no comparison.

RadioGaGoo · 25/02/2018 17:02

A father and a baby are not bring thrown out though Thymeout.

Tistheseason17 · 25/02/2018 17:04

Where's OP?

Have they made up, now?

harshbuttrue1980 · 25/02/2018 17:08

Totally unfair to kick a decent person out of their home - and arguments don't make someone not a decent person. Any hint of violence and I would agree that the police should come and help you evict him, but you are being totally unreasonable to put him out like that if there was no violence. He is the father of your child - how would you feel if he froze to death in tonight's freezing weather?? That would be selfish and irresponsible.
Be a decent human being and give him a month to find somewhere else to live. If you are decent with him, there is also more chance that you will be able to make an amicable arrangement about access to the baby and child support when he has somewhere to live. Be an awkward shit to him now and he may well decide to be an awkward shit later on. You are a mother now, and must do the grown-up thing.

ThisLittleKitty · 25/02/2018 17:09

Op not been back?

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