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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend won't leave MY house

253 replies

FirstTimeMama18 · 25/02/2018 12:42

I have told my boyfriend to leave my house and he's refusing. I own the house outright myself.

We have an 8 week old DD and he has a DS from previous relationship. Our relationship has been very whirlwind, fell pregnant very quickly etc. We have done nothing but argue since I gave birth and I have had enough. Too much stress and don't feel supported.

I asked him to leave last night, he did but came back this morning and is refusing to leave now. His son is with him, he's sitting on my sofa smirking telling me he's going no where and to call the police.. I don't want police at my door.

He pays me £400 towards bills but like I said, I own my home outright. Do I have to give him notice to leave? How do I get him to leave without calling the police?

OP posts:
PhelanThePain · 25/02/2018 13:40

He managed to find a bed last night...

hungryhippo90 · 25/02/2018 13:43

I actually agree with PollyPerky,

The only experience I have in a similar-ish situation, is when my mum chucked me out the council said I needed 56 days notice to move out.

You can’t just chuck people out who live with you unless there’s violence or safeguarding issues.

I don’t really understand the way it’s ok to just chuck out someone who lives in your home. He’s come back to what was I’m guessing until yesterday? Was his home with his elder child to spend some time.
And this could end in the police being called?

No he isn’t acting maturely, but neither are you expecting to just chuck him out when he has lived with you. Where can he go? Maybe he doesn’t have anywhere to go. Maybe he doesn’t have money for a deposit.

Best he does leave and doesn’t come back, because it doesn’t sound at all like he has been allowed any sort of stability in this relationship.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/02/2018 13:44

Op has every right to tell him to leave, especially if he's being abusive. He is not a tennant, there is no contract, so he has not got a leg to stand on. Those who are saying, what if its the man chucking the woman and the child out, posters are telling her to stay put. Yes because she has a child, and a child should not be turfed out into the streets. If she did not, that would be entirely different.

PotteryLady · 25/02/2018 13:45

Surely he has to return his son to his mother - while he's out get someone to change the locks- go and fetch a new lock now, leave him in the house with his son and when he leaves change it. Or just call the police. Good luck

Aeroflotgirl · 25/02/2018 13:45

If he does not leave, she has every right to call the Police. She does not have to give him notice, especially under the circumstances. If the split was amicable, she might, but she does not have to.

AliceWhatsth3Matter · 25/02/2018 13:45

So he's not been supportive of the mother of his infant child, there are constant arguments, his arrogant, manipulative behaviour today and she needs to be reasonable and allow him to stay there for another month.

That should be fun for her with a newborn to care for and a probable disgruntled ex living with them.

Ffs don't be an assertive woman who has had enough of being unsupported while she has a new baby!

And of course the only reason she isn't keen to call the police is because he "has something on her". Not because she doesn't want a scene with the police.

I despair sometimes.

Chrys2017 · 25/02/2018 13:46

especially if he's being abusive

He isn't being abusive. There has been arguing and smirking.

BrendasUmbrella · 25/02/2018 13:46

Well now this is interesting.

So many threads where the man had tried to chuck woman and child put the house and it's all get a solicitor you have a right to stay.

Woman tries to chuck man and child out the house and it's all phone the police and get him out.

It would be an interesting and extremely unusual scenario, true. Ok.

So this man gave birth 8 weeks ago. He's probably still recovering, feeding his child, and exhausted. Even more so because his girlfriend is leaving everything up to him and constantly arguing.

The man has had enough. He asked her to leave. She came back the next day with another child she doesn't live with, and sat on his sofa smirking.

Are we going to advise this woman to get a solicitor and stay put where she is doing nothing but causing stress for the person who pushed her child out of their body two months ago? Or is our concern for the new parent and their tiny baby to be able to rest without the cause of aggravation camping out on his couch?

BrendasUmbrella · 25/02/2018 13:47

Even taking the miracle of male childbirth out of the equation, the sympathy would all be with him and you know it...

Aeroflotgirl · 25/02/2018 13:47

That is emotional abuse, anyway there is not contract, he is not a tennent, so he has no rights. Why should she have an unpleasant month, while she waits for him to find somewhere.

cadburyegg · 25/02/2018 13:48

Actually if he is paying you something this may not be as cut and dry as you might think.

£400 for bills. What does that include exactly? That seems a lot for a 50% split of gas/electric, water, council tax and food. Chances are he’s paying more than 50% in which case a solicitor could argue that he does have some right to the equity in the house. Whether or not he would choose to go down that route is another matter entirely but I don’t think the “he has no right to be there” stance is entirely true.

JaneEyre70 · 25/02/2018 13:49

I think you need to go and get some legal advice OP. Can you ignore him today and try to see a solicitor tomorrow?

PollyPerky · 25/02/2018 13:50

Some people here are not capable of reading and are living in a fantasy world.

Read the post about Shelter.

He's not being abusive. The OP says he smirked. That is purely subjective. It could be a smile.

Just because a relationship has broken down, with no violence, you cannot condemn someone who lives in your home to homelessness or rough sleeping (especially as the weather is about to turn freezing this week.)

There are laws and in this case the law says he can stay for a reasonable amount of time.

Tough if you don't agree but that is how it is.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 13:50

Why are we shouting emotional abuse"?! If we label every relationship ending as that then it undermines real abuse.

And I'm another one saying that you all need to be reasonable and come up with a plan that is least disruptive for you all. This is your child's father and in your life for a very, very long time.

Longdistance · 25/02/2018 13:50

If he goes out, bag his shit up, leave it outside and lock all the doors.
Then tomorrow get a locksmith and get those locks changed.
Sort out visitation with the baby (if he can be bothered) away from YOUR house.

Tamatave2000 · 25/02/2018 13:50

As you are the sole owner of the house the Police will remove BF

Whatshallidonowpeople · 25/02/2018 13:52

How do you know she has sole care? Perhaps he cares for the baby. Regardless he has a child with him and there would be an outcry if a man threw a woman out without notice and with a child

PhelanThePain · 25/02/2018 13:53

£400 for bills. What does that include exactly? That seems a lot for a 50% split of gas/electric, water, council tax and food.

Umm, his child also lives there. I would imagine some of that covers nappies, baby items, formula etc.

Evelynismycatsformerspyname · 25/02/2018 13:54

Does his son from a previous relationship live with you both all or part of the time? Is the son still a child?

If the son is a small child who has been living 50% of the time in your house then you probably can't chuck them out without notice, but if the son is an adult or lives with his mother and is just being used as a pawn by his father you can.

PhelanThePain · 25/02/2018 13:55

There are laws and in this case the law says he can stay for a reasonable amount of time.

I’m sure the police will advise OP on what she can do. If it turns out to be an illegal eviction he can take her to court.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 25/02/2018 13:55

Where does this info come from?

£400 for bills. What does that include exactly? That seems a lot for a 50% split of gas/electric, water, council tax and food. Chances are he’s paying more than 50% in which case a solicitor could argue that he does have some right to the equity in the house. Whether or not he would choose to go down that route is another matter entirely but I don’t think the “he has no right to be there” stance is entirely true.

Birdsgottafly · 25/02/2018 13:56

He is her Partner, he does have rights, read the link.

My DDs P tried to throw her out (no children) the Police told him he couldn't do it and supported her to take furniture when she did leave

If the house was rented by the OP, it would be easier.

I would imagine that he is capable of saying the OP has PND etc, which will certainly change things.

OP you need to see a Solicitor, they will start formal separation proceedings.

How did he get in?

I agree with phoning the Child's Mother. These Men rely on Women not wanting to make a fuss.

BrendasUmbrella · 25/02/2018 13:56

Well the OP hasn't been back, so she's probably taking action of one kind or another. I hope things work out the way she wishes Smile

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/02/2018 14:01

£400 per month for less than a year is not going to get him equity in the house, that’s just a ridiculous comment.

It’s her house, he’s a boyfriend she quickly got pregnant to, no one is going to force her to allow him to stay.

He’s baiting a woman who gave birth 8 weeks ago. Of course the police will tell him to sling his hook.

LaurenCooper · 25/02/2018 14:01

He may be a twat but unfortunately having handed over £400 a month gives him some rights, such as notice to vacate. The absence of a written contract is irrelevant, a contract was created when he started paying. He doesn't have any rights over the property itself so he won't be able to live there forever though.

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