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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend won't leave MY house

253 replies

FirstTimeMama18 · 25/02/2018 12:42

I have told my boyfriend to leave my house and he's refusing. I own the house outright myself.

We have an 8 week old DD and he has a DS from previous relationship. Our relationship has been very whirlwind, fell pregnant very quickly etc. We have done nothing but argue since I gave birth and I have had enough. Too much stress and don't feel supported.

I asked him to leave last night, he did but came back this morning and is refusing to leave now. His son is with him, he's sitting on my sofa smirking telling me he's going no where and to call the police.. I don't want police at my door.

He pays me £400 towards bills but like I said, I own my home outright. Do I have to give him notice to leave? How do I get him to leave without calling the police?

OP posts:
Qvar · 25/02/2018 13:09

Call the child's mother and advise her that the police are about to be called to remove her ex, so she should arrange to collect her son ASAP.

Then call the police. Have your deeds handy to prove he has no right of residence, and bag up his things and place them near the door.

the arrival to two burly uniforms will wipe the smug twat grin off his face

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 25/02/2018 13:11

RedHelenB Sun 25-Feb-18 13:05:39

You had a relationship with him and have a baby together. Has he somewhere to go with his son? Can't you discuss a timetable for him to leave like adults?

OP might be willing, but this loser has already shown that he's not capable of acting like an adult.

tafftum · 25/02/2018 13:12

Is he abusive op? Are you scared he will attack you if you try to call the police.. is that why you don't want to call them?
(please do call them)
If thats the case lock yourself in the bathroom and THEN call them so he can't get to you.
This might sound dramatic, I'm just thinking worst case scenario and reasons why youre reluctant to call the police.

MiniCooperLover · 25/02/2018 13:12

How old is his DS OP? I think you do need to ring 101. What does he want to happen?

YouGotRedOnYou · 25/02/2018 13:13

Then in future choose your men more carefully.

Jesus. There's always one. I don't think op noticed her ex while he was harassing someone and thought how she could go about securing some of that action for herself. Hmm

PollyPerky · 25/02/2018 13:13

If he is the father of your 8 week old child, I think this needs a more mature way forward than the police marching him out of your house. Hmm

Your baby has a father and he will have rights to access.

You may not want him there NOW but FGS both of you need to grow up a bit.

You must be exhausted with a tiny baby and it's not the best time to make huge emotional changes overnight.

This needs planning, he needs somewhere to go and you need to be reasonable. he's not a lodger but he is your child's father.

Imagine if this was a man posting and being told to put his ex out on the streets- or wherever.

BishopBrennansArse · 25/02/2018 13:14

Call the police.
Why won't you, out of interest?

KochabRising · 25/02/2018 13:14

No, he’s intimidating the OP. He needs to be marched out by the coppers and told in no uncertain terms not to come back.

Men like this don’t respond to reasonable behaviour. If they did OP wouldn’t be in this situation.

RebootYourEngine · 25/02/2018 13:15

I agree with everyone here. Call the police. Why are you scared to do that?

Hortonlovesahoo · 25/02/2018 13:16

Another one saying call the police and then bring round a family member if you can to help support you to get the arsehole out of your home.

Why do you want him to leave?

AskBasil · 25/02/2018 13:17

Call the police.

Don't listen to all the handmaids telling you to negotiate wiht him.

Any fule know you negotiate from a position of strength. By calling the police you will show him that you are not prepared to be fucked about by him. By tolerating his behaviour, you are showing him h can fuck you about.

Which negotiation position do you think you'll get a better deal from?

ThisLittleKitty · 25/02/2018 13:17

I think it would be very easy to call the police without him knowing as op is obviously on here without him knowing doesn't exactly sound like she's being held hostage and can't make any phone calls. She obviously has a oven with her.
I'm thinking there's another reason why she doesn't want to call.

puffyisgood · 25/02/2018 13:17

With an eight week old baby in the mix I doubt either of you really knows your own mind on this. You should try to calm things down as much as possible.

Idontdowindows · 25/02/2018 13:18

Darling, even the police have just told you to call the police.

He is counting on you to be reasonable and not throw his boy out and not want to make a fuss.

Please call the police.

PollyPerky · 25/02/2018 13:18

MN is another planet.

He's lived with her we assume for 12 months at least- before she was pregnant.

The relationship has broken down partly due to the baby and him not coping.

It's not acceptable to ask someone to leave their home even if they don't own it with no notice and presumably nowhere to go- has he?

If this was a man who owned the house, his partner and their child was there, he was fed up and wanted her to leave, you'd all be saying call Women's Aid. He is not yet being violent, he's saying he doesn't want to leave.

why on earth OP aren't you managing this better? Like having a sensible chat and agreeing a leaving date?

tafftum · 25/02/2018 13:19

@ThisLittleKitty oh I didnt mean he was holding her hostage. Her sitting on her phone could be normal, and he could think she's dropping the issue and just ignoring him by being on her phone. If she then pulls out her phone and asks for the police, he could freak out is what I was getting at..
More than likely its not the case, I was just trying to figure out her reluctance

littletinyme1 · 25/02/2018 13:22

You need to show him you are prepared to take charge by calling the police, this is a test. . Given you have a babe together, it could be the first of many standoffs. Thenext time he may have your baby in his hands. You do not need to give him notice. Phone police now.

Tell him he has 15 minutes to leave with his son before you phone son's mother and tell her you are about to phone the police. Then PHONE THE POLICE. You may need them further along the line so you might as well get them involved as soon as he starts to be a nob

ThisLittleKitty · 25/02/2018 13:22

It doesn't sound like he's stopping her from leaving or doing anything though. She could easily go to the toilet and call the police nothing in this post suggests that he is stopping her.

BrendasUmbrella · 25/02/2018 13:22

Imagine if this was a man posting and being told to put his ex out on the streets- or wherever.

If the man had sole care of their 8 week old baby and was exhausted and she was sitting on his sofa smirking and thinking he was powerless, I'd be the first to lead the cheer squad...

LaurieFairyCake · 25/02/2018 13:22

Actually I suggest you leave the house with the baby before you call the police as right now there is NOTHING to stop him taking the baby.

It would be a terrible idea to call the police while you and the baby are not somewhere safe. It also escalates a situation.

tafftum · 25/02/2018 13:23

@ThisLittleKitty thats why I suggested go to the toilet first and then phone them

PhelanThePain · 25/02/2018 13:25

If he is the father of your 8 week old child, I think this needs a more mature way forward than the police marching him out of your house. hmm

Yes, sadly her ex seems incapable of that.

Your baby has a father and he will have rights to access.

But no rights to have access in OPs house.

PollyPerky · 25/02/2018 13:25

So what happens when the police turn up and he says it's his home as well (ie he lives there, but doesn't own it)?

And that there is no violence, just the OP wants him to go.

Where can he go OP?

How will you manage the access to your child?
Is your relationship beyond saving? Lots of couples find a new baby hard. Won't you consider help? This means he will have 2 children with 2 women and no relationship with either. Not great for anyone especially the kids.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 25/02/2018 13:25

Call the police. Or a hitman.

PhelanThePain · 25/02/2018 13:27

Where can he go OP?

Not OPs responsibility.

How will you manage the access to your child?

Via phone, text, email, or a solicitor.

This means he will have 2 children with 2 women and no relationship with either.

Also not OPs problem. Those were his choices.

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