To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

Evelyn it's not the 'you don't look old enough bit' (I don't mind that) it's the obvious calculation they're trying to do.

To be honest, I couldn't care less now. I cared a lot more about being judged when I was younger.

I don’t think being a teenage parent has any real predictive value as to the kind of person you are or your circumstances. I have known some great teen parents and some awful ones. I’ve known some people whose circumstances were dire and some who were very fortunate and had a lot of support.

I knew 2 girls at school who had babies at 14, one was pure Jeremy Kyle fodder, poor upbringing, drugs in the house when she was growing up and not a lot of guidance from her parents. I felt sorry for her, she was a nice girl but she just wanted to be loved.
The 2nd girl came from a stable family, and she’d been in a relationship with the 14 year old father since she was about 12, I didn’t feel sorry for her, she had a lot of support from her family, still did her exams and now has a good job and seems to enjoy her life (from what I see on social media anyway)

I never avoided either of them and I didn’t judge either of them (and I’m super judgy!) it was an accident in both cases and they made the best of it that they could. They were still the same nice girls.

I fell for dd when I was 17 and no I do not come from a rough family, God the sneering judgement nearly broke me at that stage but my Parents stood by my decision to keep my baby who is now 19 and I'm 37. I now could not care less what people think and certainly wouldn't give any teen a wide berth because they were pregnant

I would feel sorry that she had lost the fun years of her growing up. And hope that she had enough support. And also that she would not neglect the child because she was just a child herself.

As a pregnant 40 year old I found myself making really good friends with a pregnant 16 year old. Who impressed me with her maturity and her energy to me was fantastic. She had support from the father of the child who she had been going out with for years and also both sets of parents / grandparents.
We are still friends 7 years later and she is a wonderful mum to 2 beautiful children- both by the same father.

My own DD1 is 13, so I would find it very alien, as she has no interest in boys/hasn't been near one yet!

I would just hope that she gets a lot of support from her family and friends, and I wouldn't discourage my own DD to give her a wide berth...like others' say, it might make her reflect on her own choices!

BertrandRussell you say vanishingly rare. I don't think that's true. I know many teenage mums don't go on to have glittering careers, but then, neither do many other people. I was a mum at 17 and went on to get a PhD after finishing my A'levels at night school. My best friend, who became my best friend as she was the only person my age I knew who already had a child (at 15) at the time, is a teacher in a private school. Also, your quip about abortion made me cross. When I got pregnant the father's mum suggested abortion and my mum (born again christian) adoption. I resented both of them. I wanted my child.

I think those of us in our 30s/40s knew 14 yo getting pregnant but it’s really much less common now. I’d try not to judge but I find it generally deeply disappointing

"I'm puzzled that so many posters have said they'd question the way she had been parented and felt she'd been let down."
I'd feel she had been let down because she hasn't had an abortion.

Abortion would’ve been my
Choice, and my parents advice, at 14. Surely it would be most peoples?

My best friend had her first at 14, her parents helped a lot in the early days but she soon found her feet and is a good mum, she's incredibly close to her (now grown up) son. We also had a girl in my year who hid her pregnancy right up until she went into labour (she would have been 14/15 too), she must have been terrified

Overall I think very young mums are brave (I wouldn't have coped at 14), it's a massive commitment at any age but must feel utterly terrifying at 14.

"Also, your quip about abortion made me cross."
It wasn't a quip. It was deadly serious. And there is a world of difference between 17 and 14.

I think if anyone forced or emotionally blackmailed a 14 year old into an abortion, that relationship would potentially be broken forever. Maybe no baby but no trust just resentment between parents and teenager. I don't see that as a great outcome.

Of course she should have had an abortion. Who can be a mother at 14 FGS!

BertrandRussell it may not have been a quip, but you seem to assume that the girl's parents would /should be able to 'persaude' her to have an abortion. Even at 14, that decision would/should be your own.

No she shouldn't have been made to have an abortion. Her baby, her choice.

The idea of persuading / forcing someone to have an abortion makes me feel sick..
Probably the same posters who on other threads talk about bodily autonomy and 'my body, my choice'.
Not judging a 14 year old who has an abortion btw, just the idea of pressuring them to do so.

When I was 14 up to mid 20’s I probably wouldn’t have been friends with someone with children (no matter what age they had the baby) not for a judgey reason, just because I wa sin a different place in my life.

Now, if I met an adult and they told me they had a baby at 14 I wouldn’t judge. I don’t think it’s ideal and it’s not something I wanted for myself but it’s not my life.

I don't think most people would choose to have an abortion. Some would, obviously but it's not an easy assumption to make that it would be the best option.

I would never force anyone to have an abortion but if I had a 14 year old who was pregnant I’d be trying to guide her down that route. I’d have without doubt had an abortion if I’d become pregnant at that age.

Not forced, coerced or emotionally blackmailed, no. But I sure as hell hope that I would be able to support a 14 year old dd of mine to the only sensible decision in this situation.

A friend of mine became a mum at 15, she was seeing a 17 year old lad, who was in with a bad crowd (or was part of it), she met him when rebelling from her family who were strict JW, so what more shocking than to run off with the local drug dealer and get pregnant. She grew up quickly and raised her son well, he is currently at Uni. She dumped the drug dealer dad, went back to college, has a brilliant career. I met her later in life and remember my first thoughts when she told me she had her son at 15, I am ashamed to say where judgemental, then getting to know her and what she went through at the time and how she turned her life around and raised her son, I will never judge someone again for something like that.

My grandfather tried to force my mum to have an abortion. She didn't but hated him for it. We deliberately didn't tell him I was pregnant until I was 6 months so he couldn't try the same with me.

Forcing or pushing someone into an abortion will have consequences whether you succeed or not. Fucking weird way to think.

I would feel said for them both, and yes abortion probably best option at that age.

My God forcing someone in to an abortion is barbaric