To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

I have several friends who were teenage mothers. (Technically I was too, at 19). One of my friends had her daughter at 15 but is now a consultant obstetrician. Another is a clinical psychologist, and another is a social worker.

I would judge the person on their personality not the age at which they had children.

Oh yeah, and I went bank to college, got A Levels, a law degree and qualified as a solicitor. All as a young single irresponsible mum.

My brother ended up a dad at 18 when his girlfriend was just 14 and condom split. She had said she was 16 and he had no reason to doubt her. It only came out after my mum picked up the chart on the end of bed when she visited after birth and clocked her Dob.

It caused a shitstorm as you can imagine, they were advised not to put his name on birth certificate as he'd highly likely be prosecuted for statutory rape.

She had a rough upbringing with a majorly disfunctional family. Think drugs, mum sleeping with daughter's friends etc.

She is only now and another 2 kids later (new partner) after 15yrs sorting herself out but she's still a big part of our family too.

She was ostracized at the time and I really felt for her.

I always get the ‘you don’t look old enough to have an X ’. I just smile back.

Not rtfd.

I'd think 'fucking hell, that must be hard'. And if I'm brutally honest, I'd also think 'I'm so grateful it isn't my 14yr old dd in that position'.

I certainly wouldn't judge. Either the mother made a mistake, or she's not had the best upbringing, but I wouldn't try and guess which it was. Either way it's going to be tough, so support not judgement is needed.

I doubt I'd be mum friends with a 14yr old, due to age, but no reason why not when the mother is an adult. Other than perhaps offering practical help if needed, if dd had a friend her age with a baby I would treat it like any other friendship.

I was young but not a teen when dd was born. I did look like one though, and there was enough judging when people thought I was an 18yr old mum. At 14 she's realistically going to get that judging amplified.

I also got to do all the fun stuff in my late 20s and 30s that I didn't do as much of when I was a teenager. Although I have an ace Mum who didn't judge and helped me. And now I'm doing it again at nearly 40 so up for some judging but for the opposite reason.

I would think rape. And I would think what were her parents thinking not encouraging her to have an abortion.

Jesus @BertrandRussell

No i wouldn't judge. I was a young mum myself so know just how horrible it feels to be judged. I'd also not avoid as I remember just how lonely it can be.

Yikes, I don't think I could encourage anyone to have an abortion.

My daughter has a friend (they are both 17) and her Mum is 31. So she became pregnant at around this age. The daughter is an A* student who looks like she might be headed to Oxbridge, and is an amazing kid. So when I look at her Mum I think wow, you did an AMAZING job st such a young age.

Wouldn't bother me.

Firstly it's none of my business and secondly a relative had a baby at fourteen and is a now a Judge.

"One of my friends had her daughter at 15 but is now a consultant obstetrician. Another is a clinical psychologist, and another is a social worker. "
They are very lucky. And obviously hardworking but also lucky. This sort of outcome is vanishingly rare.

Encouraging anyone to have an abortion is wrong, it's up to the person carrying the child if they want to have the child or not.

I wouldn't make any snap judgements just on the fact that she was 14 when she gave birth. I'd probably wonder about the circumstances as the possibility is there that the father was older. I'd also wonder about the quality of her parents' parenting. But nothing that would make me avoid or judge. I'd wait until I actually knew what kind of person she was!

Op, please think about your view on this. It is unkind.

She was 14. Whatever her upbringing, it could have been great, could have been lacking, but remember the hormones that hit teens and how young people can go too far, wealthy or straight A students, it happens. Or she could have been led by the boy, we don’t know her situation. She became intimate too soon and made a mistake. However, look at her child. No one can really say anymore that she made a mistake because the child herself/himself is not a mistake but is a human being of worth just as anyone else.

That child is not to be judged and the young mother is not to be judged. It may be that what seems like a terrible thing has turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to this woman you’re condescending to. Also, it is possible she was raped. In any case, she was 14. Think on that.

“Give her a wide berth”. ??? Op, take a look at yourself. It may well be that the woman in question should give you and your “friend” a wide berth. I’m not sure she should be seen socializing with such low class persons as you and the so-called friend.

Why are so many people saying rape? Teenagers have sex. My DD is now 23 plenty of her friends were sexually active at 14. Not something any parent was pleased about. My own DD got pregnant at at15 she had a termination and that was best for her. I would have supported her if she had wanted the baby but l would never judge a young mum.

I'd think that if they were doing the best they could to bring up their baby, then that was OK. I'd think that you shouldn't judge a person on a mistake they made when they were younger, rather you should (if you must judge them at all) judge them on how they've dealt with the issue ever since.
In fact,, if they had done a good job bringing up their child, I'd admire them and think good for them.

There’s plenty of mothers that age in other countries.

I had my first at 16. I'd not judge at all.

So where's the OP gone?

Most people in their right minds would feel sad - what a thing to have to go through at 14, is the baby ok, is the mother ok etc, they'd be concerned, hope that things had been sorted out, hope it wasn't rape or co-ercion, hope the the family had been supportive, but surely no one would judge?

I think either the OP is or was the 14 year old mum, or her DD is (or a journalist putting out clickbait).

I wouldn't judge someone for having a baby that young. It can happen for lots of different reasons.
I would judge them on how they then went on to parent that child. I would admire them for being a brilliant parent even though the odds were stacked against them and I would probably think they needed help and support if they were a " bad" parent.

I'm puzzled that so many posters have said they'd question the way she had been parented and felt she'd been let down.

A good friend became pregnant at 14, many years ago. She came from a lovely family who were/are incredibly close to her but she was a headstrong teen who thought she knew it all, head over heels with a local lad.

It's not all straight out of an episode of shameless

kirinm now that you're nearly 40 thean't believe you're old enough isn't likely to be judging, its meant as a compliment. Its almost compulsory to say that in fact, it's pretty much an arse covering move from the person you're talking to falling over themselves not to imply you look older, which is also a cardinal sin...

A colleague of mine is in her early 30s and thinks she looks ten years younger and takes huge offence if you don't tell her you can't believe she's old enough to have a 5 year old. Which is very odd as she's a bog standard average age to have a 5 year old...

Its an automatic and fairly meaningless thing for many people to tell a woman she looks younger than she is if she says something to reveal or imply she is over 30, even if she actually looks older than she is, IME. Carries about as much weight as complimenting somebody's shoes, and says more about the culture of youth than anyone judging anyone or actually looking young etc.