Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

846 replies

Applestrawberryblackcurrant · 24/02/2018 12:13

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 17:04

“And it IS horrid what you said”

I’m really sorry- I have read back and still have no idea what I said that you thought was horrid.

And I made a reasonable ( but wrong) assumption about where you were living, and expressed a hope that something will soon be done to prevent other young women having the same lack of choice that you had.

Pregnant15 · 25/02/2018 17:05

Holdme that’s true. But my point, badly expressed, was that if my mother could have sent me to a laundry, she would have. I ended up on my own at 17. Because my granny died and me and DS were living with her because my mum and Dad threw me out and my mum beat me black and blue and wished I’d miscarry.

Probably best I bow out now. This is too close to home for me.

Sorry to anyone I’ve offended.

overskyandshire · 25/02/2018 17:05

Yes, well we all do knobhead things when we are young. Some of us grow out of them.

And, for many of us, we are referring to a different time and age where sex education wasn’t really particularly thorough. My parents taught me nothing. I don’t just mean the bare minimum, I literally wasn’t told a thing about periods or pubic hair or growing pains.

With that being said, yes, I do think most people know sex can equate to pregnancy, but the lure of being found attractive can be strong at the best of times, particularly when you’re young.

Pregnant15 · 25/02/2018 17:06

Bertrand. I said Northern Ireland. How can you say you made any kind of reasonable assumption when. I SAID where I was from? Seriously don’t understand what you’re trying to pull there at all.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 25/02/2018 17:08

Bertrand is far from the only one on the thread who would encourage their pregnant 14 year old to have an abortion, Pregnant15, what's your issue with her?
Personally I'd judge someone far harder who didn't think to at least present it as an option, if not strongly encourage it.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 17:08

“I have a problem Bertrand with the fact that you would “encourage” anyone to have an abortion”

Ah. Can’t help you there then. Because I most definitely would. And no, I do not mean force or coerce. But yes I would encourage. Because I think that would be the right thing to do.

Pregnant15 · 25/02/2018 17:09

Can you help me with how you make an assumption when I actually wrote where I was actually from?

Wallywobbles · 25/02/2018 17:11

Id think my kids of a similar age would hoik up there judgey pants, but would love to be friends with her. Teens are very judgmental but lots of them love kids.

I'd not judge but I'd be curious and invite my 3 young teen daughters to reflect on why her current options are now limited in comparison to theirs. My DH would be delighted at any chance to be around another baby.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 17:12

I missed where you said NI. I apologize. But I was neither horrid nor rude. You were, though.

Pregnant15 · 25/02/2018 17:14

I shall take my promiscuous nasty unpleasant loose moraled self off to self immolate forthwith.

RoseWhiteTips · 25/02/2018 17:16

BertrandRussell

“I have a problem Bertrand with the fact that you would “encourage” anyone to have an abortion”

Ah. Can’t help you there then. Because I most definitely would. And no, I do not mean force or coerce. But yes I would encourage. Because I think that would be the right thing to do.

I would also.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 17:16

“I shall take my promiscuous nasty unpleasant loose moraled self off to self immolate forthwith.”

If that was directed at me you really have got the wrong person!

RoseWhiteTips · 25/02/2018 17:18

In AIBU people are expressing opinions. The words kitchen and heat come to mind.Hmm

OldSchoolPhotograph · 25/02/2018 17:20

Actually someone from work told me the other day that they had their first baby when they were 14 and all I felt was impressed. We're both in our 40s now so all my questions to her were about how she'd coped etc. She said she would never have done so well for herself if it hadn't been for her baby. She said having her son so young had really motivated her to get her GCSEs and making a career for herself. She's the only person in her family who's worked and now owns their own house. She said the father was the same age as her and they had thought they were in love. She remembers having sex ed lessons at school but by then she was already pregnant.

If I'd known her at the time I wouldn't have given her a wide berth but my 14 year old self wouldn't have had a clue what to say to her. I had no interest in boys at that age and so would have felt very out of my depth with what was happening to her.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 25/02/2018 17:23

You are being really nasty 15. And hypocritical given that you were the one who began making underinformed references to foreign countries in the first place. Pretending like you know how things were for girls in another country two decades older than you is much more twattish than misreading a post on a swift-moving thread.

And it’s perfectly understandable why someone would assume you were from Ireland, not Northern Ireland, when you start referring to the laundries! What do you expect.

Thehogfather · 25/02/2018 17:30

I'd also encourage abortion. If that failed/wasn't an option I'd offer to raise the baby as my own in all but name.

I certainly wouldn't be saying 'well, I was older than you are dd, but didn't have the support or upbringing you did. I've done ok and achieved so life will be wonderful for you too'.

I'm honestly happy I was a young mum by modern standards, for me it was the right age. But I prefer to keep my 'rather you than me' thoughts to peers and colleagues who are just starting down the route of nappies and sleepless nights. Not my own 14yr old.

VladmirsPoutine · 25/02/2018 17:37

@Pregnant15 You sound incredibly angry and hostile. You have name-changed in order to not have this following you around on MN or IRL. Other than being outed, where else or for what other reason could that feeling have possibly come from?

No one on this thread has suggested forced abortion. No-one is wishing that anyone who is pregnant at 14 gets beaten to a pulp or suffers a miscarriage or sent away as they 'have brought shame to the family' or themselves.

The thread has diverged somewhat from the original premise. I would not judge a 14yr old or think their parents had let them down. However, I would encourage abortion. Once the baby is here then we go from there but that's not what we're talking about is it. Up until that point (which is defined in law) - then I can't see why a 14yr old should be expected to put her feet up and check when her next sonographer appointment is.

Glad it worked out for you and a few others but I think finding a 14yr old ready to deal with life and a baby alone is akin to finding a unicorn walking across the nile.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 17:38

To be fair, I did misread Northern Ireland. But I don’t think it was a case of pots and kettles- I stand by my assertion that I have said absolutely nothing horrid.

Accountant222 · 25/02/2018 17:51

I know a woman who had a baby at 14, she's in her forties now, she's absolutely lovely

Thehogfather · 25/02/2018 17:56

I think 15 is missing the point. I bet the majority of posters saying they'd encourage an abortion would still support their dd's if they didn't. We wouldn't act like her parents.

I'd support mine if she failed her exams, became an addict, became physically disabled through being careless, or anything else. But that doesn't mean I don't see it as my duty to encourage her to avoid those complications in the first place. And being a school age mum is no different.

PortiaCastis · 25/02/2018 18:00

The OP is would you give a 14year old pregnant Mum a wide berth, no I wouldn't

JustCallMeMsVPollard · 25/02/2018 18:01

I pointed out quite a few pages back that there are areas of the UK where abortion is illegal. I really think people need to take that into account when looking at statistics for teenage pregnancy, because it's bound to skew things a little.

I do feel that some posters on this thread are completely ignoring the multiple posts from people with actual experience of teenage pregnancy and parenthood, because they seem deeply invested in their sackcloth and ashes version of events.

There seems to be a special sort of unrelenting anger which grown women direct at teenage girls who have "fallen". I noticed it myself in RL and I notice it on this thread. I wonder where it comes from? As I said earlier, there are many ways in which a teenager can royally fuck up, but they seem to get more sympathy and understanding than your common or garden teenage mum. It's a real, visceral disgust.

Helmetbymidnight · 25/02/2018 18:06

It is horrible that in so many countries, inc uk, girls and women are still forced to continue unwanted pregnancies.

We know that young teenage mums need a lot of support to achieve. Not everyone is in a position to give that support. There's nothing wrong with saying 'I think continuing this pregnancy is a bad idea'. It certainly is not the same as saying 'you are promiscuous, immoral, etc'

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2018 18:22

“There seems to be a special sort of unrelenting anger which grown women direct at teenage girls who have "fallen". I noticed it myself in RL and I notice it on this thread.”

Do you? I don’t. What I do see is an attempt by some to paint having a baby at 14 as a wonderful career enhancing choice- all this young mothers are the best and nothing like a baby to concentrate the mind on school work and you’ll be a high court judge in a brace of shakes and some trying to inject a little reality into the situation.

Yes of course some people will be well and happy and fulfilled- my dp was born shortly before his mother’s 16th birthday -his dad was 17- , and she went on to have a happy marriage and 4 more children. But fuck it was hard. And that was with 4 supportive grandparents. And nobody really wants that for their children.

StaplesCorner · 25/02/2018 18:31

In AIBU people are expressing opinions. The words kitchen and heat come to mind. And the words walk a mile in their shoes comes to my mind.

“There seems to be a special sort of unrelenting anger which grown women direct at teenage girls who have "fallen". I noticed it myself in RL and I notice it on this thread.” - yep, me too - its the sort of vitriol normally reserved for fat people ...