To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

When I was at school I knew of about 6 girls at my school who had babies between the ages of 13 - 15. They weren't girls I ever talked to unless required to for class, before they were pregnant so that didn't change after.

Maybe my school was just a rarity but it seemed like all of the girls (except one) who got pregnant before 17 at my school weren't very nice people, weren't very clever, and were known to be promiscuous prior to being knocked up. I'm not basing the latter on rumours but rather conversations I overheard from the girls themselves.

Yes, it is a well-known fact that only unpleasant girls get pregnant. Based on six people.

I have some sympathy with those who's motivation is to protect their children by not normalizing teenage pregnancy.
BertrandRussell, I think it may be "a good idea to emphasize the few people who have become millionaires after dropping out of school" to kids who have dropped out of school and are in danger as writing themselves off as losers who can't acheive anything.
I don't think its a good idea to promote the idea to kids who are not in that position.

I think the thing to remember is that if you ask most women who had a baby when they were 16 or under if they'd want the same for their daughters they'd pretty much unanimously say no. I think that tells you a great deal.

Of course the irony is that the girls most likely have babies that young are the ones whose mothers had them very young themselves.

Beverly it tells me that most people agree that having a child as a teenager is to be avoided. But it doesn't tell me that a teenager in that position should be 'given a wide berth' or written off.

I wouldn't want DD to get pregnant at 14 it would be too young and I would want her to live a bit more but I would support her decision. Some MNs seem to be judging because of what society thinks rather than being sad for their DD they are worried society label them as lower class , there's many middle class MNs sat at home being a SAHM with no career living in their 30/40s.

I would treat them exactly as I would hope that they treat me- with an open mind and respect. It would never occur to me to avoid someone on the basis of the age they became a parent, because I don’t believe that it is a reflection of good/bad character.

And there are ways to deal with accidents. Getting pregnant isn't always a choice but having a baby is.

Surely that would depend on the girl's personal feelings towards abortion? There are many pro-choice people who feel they wouldn't be able to terminate their own.

No. It's still a choice, whatever your feelings.

Not if you're in Northern Ireland,
or are so naive you get to 6 months without realising (hopefully this doesn't happen as often these days), or your you are terrified of your parents reaction and hide it. Less of a choice in those situations.

If my children were unable to combine a desire to make sensible decisions about their own futures with a spot of ordinary human decency, I would think I'd made a bloody poor job of parenting.

Well let’s say you had made a poor job of parenting, cory. Let’s say you had a daughter who couldn’t come to you for advice, comfort or help and she was pregnant and she was past the point a termination was a reasonable option. Does that mean she should be branded for the rest of her life? Or do you just hold your head up and make the best of the situation, while not pretending the situation itself is ideal.

I swear, if a tsunami was coming towards some of you you’d stand there tutting saying ‘well this was not supposed to happen!’ No, it wasn’t, but you still deal with it! Because if you stand there hand wringing, you drown.

Sorry, overthesky, you got me wrong. What I meant was that if my children had to make their decisions about their lives off the back of sneering at others, then I would think I'd made a bad job. Because of the sneering, not because of the pregnancy.

That means they also know that I would hold myself to certain standards of basic human decency whatever happened; helping rather than sneering. And the idea of giving someone a wide berth, which is what the OP asked about, is sneering, not helping.

I do have a 21yo for the record, and a 17yo. Quite a few of their former classmates are already parents, some to several children. My dc are very clear that they do not want this for themselves. But they do not need to go around looking down on others, and they know that that attitude wouldn't go down well with dh and me.

The main problem is finance, but it's not their fault that in our society most people don't become financial secure until their 30's, if ever
What does this balls even mean?
A 14 year old isn't financially secure because nobody wants to pay big bucks to a child who hasn't even started their education, for all practical purposes; has zero skills that anybody actually needs and zero life experience.
This won't ever, and shouldn't ever change
It is not within "society's" remit to ensure kids can have kids with all possible ease.

This must be unusual then, but where I grew up, it was the teenage mothers that ended up being the most educated (myself included) be sure there’s not bigger incentive to sort your shit out than a baby.
Out of 20 of my friends who had babies in their teens, 18 of them went on to university.

Huge apologies, cory

Thanks for being so gracious about it

I’ve name changed forthis.

I was pregnant at 15. In Northern Ireland. In 1992. I couldn’t have an abortion they weren’t legal and I sure as fuck didn’t have the money to pay for a trip to the mainland.

I'd think they were very silly. I wouldn't feel sorry for them as you know what your doing at 14

It's one thing to say you wouldn't judge/ ostracise a 14yr old mum, but a bit of a leap to pretend it's a perfectly good age to be a parent.

Of course you can still achieve when you become a parent that young, but it's ludicrous to suggest it won't be so much harder. And I also personally think that unless they have amazing support, they don't achieve the same by 30/40 as they might if they weren't a parent, even if it levels out after that.

I did a ft degree, worked pt and lone parented a baby/ toddler without any back up or support. Could I have done a medical degree or anything else that challenged me and required full commitment alongside financially and practically raising a child and running a home? Could I fuck.

Same goes for anything else you do as a teen parent, you need a lot of effort for the same outcome you could have breezed without a child.

Lots of mums who were in their teens, and those like me who were barely out of them will be in the same place by their 50's as they would if they'd waited till 30 to be a parent. But there's also the group who needed all their time and effort just to get GCSEs, or to get a half decent job, or even just to work shifts in the nearest factory, who couldn't achieve previously realistic goals when they became parents very young and never catch up.

Pregnant15 - I think the contrast between your post which must surely give us all pause for thought, and that of the Daily Mail reader Zeelove is stark - someone who must surely have suffered so much heartbreak posting up against someone insufferable.

So to the getting pregnant isn’t a choice having a baby is brigade.

Really? Was I supposed to give my child up for adoption? Be sent to the laundries?

(The laundries weren’t an option. I’m not a catholic. If I had been my mother and rather would have sent me there.)

Pregnant15-we can only hope that the people who flocked home to vote for same sex marriage pull it out of the bag again......

Bertrand really? After you were so bloody rude up there you come on and be flippant?

You are so far out of order you can’t even see it.

What's the current situation in Ireland?