To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

JustCallMeMsVPollard
Based on friends and also students over the years, I think there is a massive difference between being a teen parent 16/17/18/19 & a teen parent 14/15.

I look at a friend who had a baby with profound SEND needs which emerged around 12-18months. She was a young parent and bloody awesome one at that. Her amd her partner are married now and have other kids.
But do i think she'd have been as awesome giving birth at 14 and dealing with SEND assessments and the strain it placed on their relationship by 15 and getting GCSEs? No.

She did it around college and they are both fabulous parents. Being young doesn't change that.

But at 14/15 years old she wouldn't have dealt with it that well. I don't think many people would.

Look beyond what YOU know maisy

I definitely wouldn’t jump to the conclusion of rape / sexual abuse. But I’d just how stupid they were re contraception.

Two of my best friends were having regular sex with their boyfriends at 14. We are all in our 30s now and they are both very happily married with children to those same boyfriends. Not sure it would have worked out as happily if they’d had an ‘accident’ back then.

I wouldn't judge. It's none of my business. When my Dc were at primary there were a couple of Mums much younger than the rest of us and they didn't mix with us. I think it was more because they were so much younger than us rather than a judgement that they had their children early. I hope they didn't feel judged.

I do agree that even a few years can definitely make a lot of difference in an individual's maturity during the teen years. I had DC a few weeks after turning 16, and I can see that things would have been marginally easier if I'd been a year or two older, and a good deal harder if I'd been younger, so I don't disagree with that. However it still doesn't mean things can't turn out relatively OK, with the right support. I can only speak for myself, but I'm glad pregnancy lasts for 9 months, because teenage me presented with a newborn out of the blue would be very different from teenage me after 9 months of knowing it was going to happen.

The one thing I do know is that there is no "typical" teenage mother. Shared experiences, yes, but no one size fits all. The stereotype no doubt exists on a horrible sink estate somewhere, but she has bigger problems of which young parenthood is only one.

I don't like to sound as though I'm excusing or justifying teenage motherhood, it's not a path I expected to be on or one I would have chosen, but I don't believe people should be written off, and as a feminist, the double standards around teen girls having sex vs teen boys doing the same make me very cross. Actually, sometimes it feels that teen girls can do very little without having very high standards and harsh judgements applied to them

Teenagers can make all kinds of horrible mistakes. Grasp of consequences can be poor. Within my very naice schools I know, full of MC kids, there has been suicides, bullying drug use, self harm, abuse. The adolescent years can be so, so hard and teens can do awful, foolish things, to themselves and others. However it does seem that girls who get pregnant come in for a lot less sympathy than, for instance, a boy who is a habitual drug user and who becomes violent as a result.

and as a feminist, the double standards around teen girls having sex vs teen boys doing the same make me very cross

there is no double standard at all. What there are are biological consequences that feminism can do nothing about.

JustCallMeMsVPollard
I agree. It doesn't have to be a trainwreck and it can work out fine.
One of my old students was pregnant in y9, took almost a year maternity leave in y10 and came back in y11. She was educated off site for that year and came back determined to learn.
It was a straight forward pregnancy, her parents and the dad's parents got on as they're all from the same estate and dad's parents were very much 'step up kid'. Her mum had the baby during the day when she was at school.
Things could have been very different if she didn't have such supportive parents and/or there were SEND/medical needs with the baby.

I totally agree with you on the sympathy front. People are much quicker to judge girls who are pregnang young than the boys who get them pregnant and other things seem to be brushed off (like regular canabis use leading to a teenage boy being paranoid and getting violent).

overskyandshire
And here was me thinking it was a thread where people were discussing and sharing experiences... obviously not. What an odd and personal reply. I assume you're going to tell everyone on this thread that they shouldn't have a view from their experiences?

What is she doing now MaisyPops? How were her results?

maisy Do you know my story ? I was 16 when I was dealing with possible SEN and attending various appointments. Heck ! Whilst I was at University I was preparing for DS’s SEN Tribunal. Mind you, whilst I was studying, it was easier to attend various appointments and whatnot. However, when I was started working, it was much more difficult.

Although I doubt the exam results and job prospects would change that much either way really. A bright and determined pupil who wants to succeed is much less likely to have a baby while still in school, but having had one, they are likely to get stuck back into studying and do well with the right support.

The ones who don't do all that well would probably not have done well with or without a teen pregnancy in the mix.

Anyone can make a mistake about contraception it doesn’t mean they are stupid. Most abortions are had by adults who have made contraceptive errors not teens. Yes statistically children of teenage mothers have worse outcomes but that shows how we as a society have failed to support these women not that teenage mums are terrible parents. I would be devastated if my DD fell pregnant at 14 because apart from anything else it would be a terrifying experience for her. I would love and support her in any decision she made though and there would always be a home for her no matter what.

Beverly She got her Cs, whcih given her KS3 performance and the long standing issues in the school was a real achievement.

I remember my first lesson with her trying to catch her up on controlled assessment and all she wanted to do was talk about what she should dress baby up as for Halloween. It was surreal. Lovely girl.

She got into a local FE college to do her level3 NVQ. I can't remember whether she went for childcare or teaching assistant in the end. Not sure what she's doing now but about 2 years after they left, one of that group stopped me in town and said everyone was going well. Most had kids or were expecting but seemed to be doing alright for themselves.

Pollard

I got mistaken for a teen mum when I was 20. I was in a pub restaurant with my friend and my baby, having a bite to eat and catching up.
Two women sitting nearby kept giving the side-eye, disapproving looks. Kept hearing "teen mums, tut, 16/17 year olds, kids". I really would hate to end up like them.
I reigned myself in, because I figured any display of emotion would just cement their pre-conceived ideas about me.
I just wanted to turn around and say "Before you make any judgements, firstly I'm not a teenager, secondly I'm with the father of the baby, thirdly her father works, fourthly I'm starting university soon, fifthly kindly shut your trap, it's rude and we can hear you."

They’d be a victim of child sexual abuse so I’d treat them with respect.

Give over. What if the boy is the same age? Neither can consent.
The age of consent to any form of sexual activity is 16 for both men and women. The age of consent is the same regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of a person and whether the sexual activity is between people of the same or different gender.

It is an offence for anyone to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 16. "However, Home Office guidance [1] is clear that there is no intention to prosecute teenagers under the age of 16 where both mutually agree and where they are of a similar age." - FPA

It's really not seen as CSA for two underage teens to have sex.

Do people who are saying its sexual abuse even understand the term?

I've worked for years with teenagers some of whom ended up pregnant and young ages. They're still people, valuable, funny, engaging young people who life threw a curveball to. Being young doesn't mean you can't be a great mum. In fact you get much more time in life with your child, and are in peak physical condition for childbirth and childcare in your teens. The main problem is finances but it's not their fault that in our society most people don't become financial secure until their 30s, if ever.

Being young doesn't mean you can't be a great mum. In fact you get much more time in life with your child, and are in peak physical condition for childbirth and childcare in your teens. The main problem is finances but it's not their fault that in our society most people don't become financial secure until their 30s, if ever

This is just pure nonsense. Being 14 does mean you are not a great mum. you're a child, you have not the maturity or the experience to parent effectively. you have no ability whatsoever to support yourself or your child, which automatically means you can't be a great parent at that point, because providing for your child is a basic necessity of parenting.

I don't want it to be acceptable to be a mother at 14. I want my children growing up thinking that this is not something that could be a possibility for them, ever. It should be socially unacceptable.

Beverelyhillbillie no, sorry to disappoint but it was a respected proper job in the public sector. She was my boss and a very good one. She retired in her 60's so not that early. I think girls should hear these stories so they don't think that becoming pregnant at a very early age is the end of the world. Obviously it's not ideal by any means nor should be encouraged but sometimes accidents happen.

I think girls should hear these stories so they don't think that becoming pregnant at a very early age is the end of the world. Obviously it's not ideal by any means nor should be encouraged but sometimes accidents happen

I don't. Why let them think it will all be fine if they have a baby at 14? It won't be. And there are ways to deal with accidents. Getting pregnant isn't always a choice but having a baby is.

Do you also think it’s a good idea to emphasize the few people who have become millionaires after dropping out of school?

Of course I wouldn’t give her a wide berth!

I would think that every adult in her life had badly let her down. Poor kid.

I would judge.

Why would you give her a wide berth?? She’s going to need all the love and support she can get!!

Getting pregnant isn't always a choice but having a baby is.

Exactly this. And I think it was Bert who said upthread that it's better that a 14yr old regret an abortion than regret having a baby.